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Have herpes, unprotected sex

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zumanity55872
zumanity55872

I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.

We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.

I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?

I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.

Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.

5 likes, 252 replies

252 Replies

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  • ra0108
    ra0108 zumanity55872

    Posted

    Just thought I would post this to give some hope.

    I contracted HSV2 two years ago - thought my life was over. 

    I have only ever had the initial breakout (which was minimal). Began a relationship straight away. Took one Valtrex daily to protect my partner and used protection usually.... However also did not on occasion. Never passed it to my partner. He had HSV1 and often perfomed oral sex to me. I never contracted it. Unfortunalty broke up with this boyfriend. I have now had another 2 partners since. Also did not pass it on to these men.

    NOTE. I found an amazing supplement in India called Neem pills. I take two daily which is the double recommended intake. It is excellent for skin conditions, immunity and everything else. There is also a product called natramine which is amazing. I now do not take Valtrex ever. Have not had any break outs. You can buy neem pills easily on line. Happy days smile

    Also, to this day I have never had a man reject me due to this disease. And I have never rejected a man because he has a cold sore - so hey its okay smile

  • sandy63510
    sandy63510 zumanity55872

    Posted

    I have a question went to my annual obgyn and got tested for everything, blood work etc. Tested positive for hsv1 & 2. I've been with the same partner for 3yrs and our smallest child together is 16months. When I was pregnant I'm sure the tested for everything. I also had blood work done back then. Nothing came back positive. Yet they day this HSV 1 & 2 is positive. I've had it at one point in my life. Yet I've never cheated. He has though but I got tested after that incident. And was negative. Does this mean he cheated again? Or I my have always had it? I'm so scared.

    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 sandy63510

      Posted

      * strange, but the medical community doesn't define "everything" to include HSV (and some others). They don't mention HSV unless you're showing symptoms and in the absence of symptoms would only test if specifically requested and sometimes even discourage testing. Unlikely you got tested even while pregnant.

      * HSV often shows symptoms within 2 weeks of contraction, but many take months (mine did) or even years to show itself after infection. You could have had it for a long time (including during pregnancy) and didn't know. It doesn't mean your man cheated. In terms of you feeling better about it, it's good to know you have had it and it hasn't even affected your life. Not a big deal.

      * even if you never have symptoms, it will take up to 3 months after infection for blood test to detect antibodies. So if you were tested quickly after he cheated, it may not have detected infection.

      You may have had it before you were together, or he had it before you were together.

    • erica05576
      erica05576 sarah53590

      Posted

      My boyfriend did cheat on me, and 3 weeks after he cheated I had an outbreak but he didn't. Does that mean I've had it months before he cheated?

    • pamz6969
      pamz6969 sandy63510

      Posted

      I would have to say he did cheat on you again..or hes had it ..and wasnt honest with you...i read you can also be a carrier but not have an outbreak yourself..so it's all so confusing..i have not passed to anyone ive been with..now remarried2years..i havent passed it ..but now im freaking out because i noticed this morning i have a tiny bump..and if i gave it to my husband ill die even tho he knows..no matter what its a horror show when uou 1st find out..

    • pamz6969
      pamz6969 erica05576

      Posted

      I would think he has it and gave it to you ..if you had an outbreak 3weeks later..thats how mine was.. i had sex with this guy and three weeks later i got my 1st outbreak..
    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 erica05576

      Posted

      Are you sure your boyfriend has HSV? I'm super confused where mine came from. Either it layed dormant in my system for 16 years of my previous relationship (I KNOW neither of us never cheated) or layed dormant in my new boyfriend for 2+ years before having symptoms. .... He only had his first OB 5 weeks AFTER MINE .... Suggesting I gave it to him.... But that means it laid dormant in me for 16 years !!??

      What this tells me is its not right to BLAME ANYONE or consider it proof of cheating.

      I think with the stigmas attached to HSV, it's human nature for many people to react by trying to pass blame, to avoid feeling dirty. I think it's a stage of coping. The dirty feeling will pass, believe me.

    • pamz6969
      pamz6969 sarah53590

      Posted

      Hi..sarah..im not really sure he has it..i dont think so..he hasnt said anything and we have sex everyday..i just think he might get it becuz i was starting to get an out break..&we had sex so..i guess il stress for 3-5 weeks ..like i started to get the out break 2days ago its gone now..cuz of the valtrex..so wel see..but i never gave it to my husband in 16years&im just as confused ..im not sure when i got it .who i got it from..when i found out i had it.. i had been married 10years&the dr brought him in&said this doesnt mean ur wife cheated ..so honestly who knos i think people should do some research..b4they start with ..OMG THATS DISGUSTING..becuz i believe 1 in2..or 1 in3peopke have it..&theres nothing we can do..it sucks but theres always a consequence 4something good right..im just thankful its not aids i just read an article that in a survay people were more embarresed to say they had herpies then aids..crazy right..

    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 pamz6969

      Posted

      Hi pam😊 I had meant to ask Erica if she's sure her boyfriend has HSV. I ask bc my boyfriend and I thought he gave it to me, since I had been monogamous for 16 years when I had my first OB. If she wants to continue to be with her boyfriend and be happy, why give their relationship one more thing to get over? You cheated AND gave me an infection??!! I just wanted to stress that since so many people can be asymptomatic and for so long (!?), there's really no way to say where it came from and pointing the finger only hurts. To get over the cheating and find trust again, it's necessary to get to the root of why the cheat happened - feeling unappreciated, inadequate sex life, lack of willpower, lack of respect, not ready to be exclusive? Find the cause, a solution and apply it. A relationship CAN be strong enough to get past it.... And sometimes it's not worth it.

      And yea, super crazy people are more afraid of herpes than AIDS! 🌼

  • alexis_61553
    alexis_61553 zumanity55872

    Posted

    I just got diagnosed it sucks so bad me and my bf broke up o ended up sleeping with a friend and to my worst nightmare I caught it I am during my first out break and my bf said he wants to go through what I am going through cuz he knows how depressed and sad I am so he had sex with me unprotected to purposely catch it which I advised him and told him not to that it was a life thing and the worst thing ever and u don't want it ...will he deffinitly catch it ?, I am extremely sick feeling and he has no symptoms and nothing wrong with him and I got every thing almost wrong with me and the meds make me dizzy and nauseas and light headed its aweful I'm beyong deooresssed

    • pamz6969
      pamz6969 alexis_61553

      Posted

      Its not a definate he got it..sometimes people are just carriers and dont catch it they just have it with no outnreaks..cheer up..i remember when i got diagnosed with it i kept thinking i would rather die.. it was horrble..but 10years later..im better ive had2-3minor outbreaks in this 10years.. ive yet to pass it to my xhusband or my new husband...i hope i dont but he is well aware i have it..i hope you feel better i promice you it gets better.
    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 alexis_61553

      Posted

      It's not certain he got it. Instead of him catching it and suffering through it with you, the better thing he can do is help you through it. Suffering (if it were even certain he would catch it or have symptoms) the same as you won't lessen your suffering. It won't even make it so you can/want to have sex during OB because if his blisters appear on his penis, especially on the head (as my boyfriend's does), it will hurt too much for sex to be enjoyable. Doctors seem to advise to refrain from sex during OB anyway, not super clear on why...? Maybe bc even though someone is already infected, the blisters can maybe be spread to other areas by contact? This is called autoinfection and can happen from genitals to mouth or genitals to eye, but some sources say if you have it below the belt, it can pop up anywhere below the belt without contact spreading.

      The best thing he can do is help soothe your symptoms, reduce OBs and severity, keep your spirits up (stress sometimes triggers OBs), help you eat healthy and vitamins (this often reduces or eliminates OB and may even make you non contaigous!).

      Also, if your first OB was 5 mos ago, you might soon be seeing a reduction in OB and severity? It did for me! I also started eating healthy and vitamins nearly right away, but I read it sometimes takes a few years to reduce OB and severity. Information is power! This is how your boyfriend can best help you! Research, educate, apply!

      One tidbit of info - do you know which strain HSV you have? HSV 1 or HSV 2 ?

      1 is said to likely produce one OB and never again and be less contagious.

      2 CAN but isn't necessarily more problematic - it's what I have. I had the initial OB (worst one) in October '16 and 2 more since and nothing for about 3 mos now. I attribute it to working on my health, since my boyfriend was getting ob too until he hit the vitamins hard too.

      Good luck and chin up!

    • pamz6969
      pamz6969 sarah53590

      Posted

      Thanks..i never even thought about taking vitamins or eating better..bit commen sence..right..im bad with the eating..but i should really try..i barely get out breaks tho ..i had the one hortific one that lasted 2weeks..it was over 10years ago..then i just have like 1dot&it clears in a day or2..and thats happened like5times in 10years..&its 2that i have..i never got a cold sore in my mouth before but i dont kno if thst means i dont have 1..

  • kristen4444
    kristen4444 zumanity55872

    Posted

    Can I ask how you and your bf were tested? I ask bc there aren't many tests that are antigen specific and can find it...

  • Tan116
    Tan116 zumanity55872

    Posted

    My partner was diagnosed with genital herpes from a previous relationship and we've been having unprotected sex for some time now and I've been tested and my test came back negative.

    • scgurl26
      scgurl26 Tan116

      Posted

      Hi tan116 thanks are you female or male just curious I'm female and have genital herpes but my partner is male and he's negative I don't want to pass it to him I'm on antivirals this gives me hope

    • kristen4444
      kristen4444 Tan116

      Posted

      Can I ask what kind of test you took to find that out?
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