Have herpes, unprotected sex
Posted , 134 users are following.
I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.
We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.
I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?
I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.
Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.
5 likes, 252 replies
butterfly46487 zumanity55872
Posted
I have a question and would honestly only want responses that can give me a link with direct instructions as to where to find the facts(proof) of the answer to this question!
I am 30 years old! I have never given oral pleasure to a man due to the worry of any sexually transmitted diseases that were or were not visible!Well, I got married! We had beautiful children! I still wouldn't give oral pleasure and my husband begged!
That being said,.. I pondered and since we are married I agreed to the oral pleasure! Mind you woman are tested for sexually transmitted diseases by their OBGYN before every birth to reduce the risks of infecting your baby if you are positive for one of the stds! I just had a baby 6 months ago and all tests were negative. In February I was at the hospital with my baby she had rsv! I was there alone while my husband and his brothers got together to drink.
I was just told four days ago that my husband cheated on me with a friend of his mothers at that gathering with his brothers. Ide literally just finally gave into him about giving him oral pleasure two days before that I was told he cheated in February!
I have never had a single cold sore in my life let alone a positive test for any stds! I now(6 days after giving him oral) have three or four cold sores on my bottom lip and their hard like tiny round spots with clear liquid and a yellowish bottom to them. Does this mean that my husband cheated? Did I get these cold sores from giving him oral? Does this mean that woman had hpv?!? I am desperate for the answer I know nothing about stds other than that I had morals and made sure I respected myself growing up so ide not get something of any std. someone please guide me n the rite direction. Is this my proof that he did in fact cheat on me? Can cold sores on the lip be cause by anything else or is it strictly a herpes infected person had skin to skin contact with a non herpes infected person? Help!
sarah53590 butterfly46487
Posted
Hi, I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this - both the cold sore and potential infidelity. This is NOT proof he cheated on you. So many people have Herpes make a first appearance years into a monogamous relationship. It sounds like you've been feeling some stress and it may have made a latent virus surface... Or he cheated on you... Or he's had it for years and it just didn't transmit till now. You can get oral herpes from kissing ANYONE carying it and chances are lower, but also from sharing drinking glasses or Chapstick immediately after another person.
No-one here or anywhere can from the info you provided, PROVE whether or not the herpes on your lip is from your husband or that he cheated on you.
It actually seems to me you may feel you were too careful and are too pure to have contracted an STI, when in fact a mouth cold sore isn't considered an STI and 80% people carry the virus (though many only got a sore so long ago they don't even remember)... Kinda hard to say 80% people are sexually promiscuous, I'd say. Herpes is far more common and also far less harmful than many people fear.
Herpes and HPV are both viruses that CAN be contracted sexually... They have little in common outside that. Please google HPV and get educated on that and other STIs ... I will stick to herpes here. Google STIs for your own info, and to help answer your question and please consider sharing with your children too if/when they are old enough.
Now, for the info needed to even take a stab at where your cold sore came from...
- he says he's never had a cold sore or genital sore/blister ? Even if he doesn't think so, sometimes they're so small and not sore, they go unnoticed or thought to be a pimple or ingrown hair or something. This applies to you too.
- women don't automatically get tested for STI with pregnancy in USA ... Are you somewhere else? Also in USA, even if you tell a doc you WANT A FULL STI check, they only check for clamydia, AIDS, gonnorhea, maybe HPV (pap smear). The doc doesn't even tell you their definition of FULL screening doesn't include: trichomoniasis, syphilis, herpes (trich and herpes common in US, syphilis not so much). The CDC defines what standard STI testing is. I thoroughly disagree with this policy!!! People should at least be informed some STI are not standard tested!!!
- sounds like he says he's been faithful? If he admits to cheating, deal with that however you want emotionally (I hope he remains faithful, you forgive him and it works out happily), but if he's had sex with anyone insist on being tested (and treated) to prevent giving you anything.
- has your husband been tested in the past? Was he clear then and not now? be sure to check WHAT he was tested for.
- if you or he are positive for HSV, an iGG test should tell you if it's an infection within 12 weeks/3mos.... Go soon!! Be sure to ask for iGG.
- if it's HSV1 you have, don't worry, it's unlikely you contracted it from oral sex. It rarely sheds from the genital region. If you have HSV2 orally, you will unlikely have anothe occurrence and unlikely spread it to another person.
- unless you're SURE your husband has it too and SURE that it's the same strain, I recommend he not have any contact with your lips until about a week after you're all healed.
- Herpes is known to sit latent for YEARS. my boyfriend and I thought he gave it to me (even though I had symptoms before he ever did) since he's had more partners than I and my initial OB happened 10mos into our relationship. ... Then he had blisters about 6 weeks after my OB and said he's never had anything like this before.... So now we wonder if it sat latent in me during my whole 15 yr last relationship, coming out 10mos into our relationship and infecting him?? My point being... Who knows where it comes from and even careful, sexual health educated people get it. You don't need to feel bad about it.
Wish you the best. Go get tested. For everything. If you need treatment (usually just antibiotics), do it. Then live happy. :-)
sarah53590
Posted
Forgot to mention, Patient doesn't allow links to be posted to the forum. They are detected and deleted immediately.
sarah53590 butterfly46487
Posted
Some consolation for you too - the first OB is early always the worst. ;-)
pamz6969 zumanity55872
Posted
Hi..i have the same scenerio..i was married 18years..&i found out i had it 10years into my marriage..my husband &i only had sex very few times so im not sure if that would count but he never got it..i was also seeing a guy after our divorce..we had sex all the time.. he didnt care..& he never got it.. i am now remarried ..for2years now&so far so good ..i take valtrex EVERYDAY..out break or not..i started to get an outbreak recently and we had sex and altho he says he doent care im scared if he all of a sudden has an outbreak il feel horrible..
kaitland80845 zumanity55872
Posted
I'm 18 years old, and have had genital herpes since I was 15. I lost my virginity to a guy who had it and I never knew.
I recently had a flare up, and my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex. Wondering the same.
pamz6969 kaitland80845
Posted
How bad was the outbreak when you had sex?..cuz i had sex with my x husband..a lot if times with a small outbreak starting&he never got it..did you tell your boyfriend you have it?..im so sorry..ur story mskes me so sad.. 15..thats awful..&ur now 18the beginnings of your life&u have to deal with this..so sorry im 49..&found out i had it when i was 37..still sucks but ur so young😔
tammy74352 zumanity55872
Posted
I was in relationship with a guy for 4 months after 16 of being completely single and every thing was perfect. He said sex meant a lot to him so we head a lot of sex. I had recently passed my annual STD screening and I was urging him to get tested. Long story short, we had sex with no condom, he came in me and I immediately had an outbreak! I went to doctor and tested positive for HSV1 (ORAL herpes) on my genitals! He said he tested negative but I don't believe him. He acted supportive at first, but still avoided me , finally he dumped me in a mall two weeks later. Since I was unaware that Herpes testing is not included in regular STD screenings (which is stupid) I have no proof I got this from him even tho I haven't been with anyone else in over 8 months! I am so depressed and lonely. I LITERALLY CRIED FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK! I can't believe he did this to me and had the nerve to say"we can be friends?!!" WTF?!!
sarah53590 tammy74352
Posted
Hi Tammy, sorry about your diagnosis and especially that he's behaving this way. I hope on top of it, your breakout isn't too bad. HSV can lay dormant for a long time. I'm not sure where I got mine either. Either it layed dormant in me for over 10 years during a monogamous relationship or dormant in my new boyfriend in over a year while he was celibate, then during the most stressful time of my life, I had an OB with all the systematic symptoms and bout 6 weeks later, he had his first OB. ... So who gave it to who? Since my OB was first?? This was all in Octoober 2017. Since the first, I've had maybe 4 OB and they have been super minor, one small sore. He's had about 3 and a single bigger blister in a more painful location. The way I figure, one of us had this for a long time without knowing, lived without OBs and were happy. OBs haven't been bad, lessen over time and 25% people have it and 80% of them don't know it. While when I was diagnosed, I felt like my chance for happy life was over and I cried for almost 2 months straight, I now feel like none of this sounds like something that really needs to change my life much.
Why wouldn't he SHOW you his test results? Do you know why he withdrew his support after first being supportive? Even though it's possible he gave it to you and even that he knew and even possible he didn't test, I hope you weren't blaming him for the infection unless he acted shady about it like maybe he knew. The problem isn't as much that if he gave it to you, it's that he didn't tell you so you could use protection (which still is said to reduce transmission by only 30%), and to be able to chose to be with him or no and be emotionally prepared if you get it. If he's being dishonest, he needs to grow up and act like a sexually active adult.
tammy74352 sarah53590
Posted
I don't know why he changed. I think he had been discussing it with others and got influence. I never blamed him but he never showed good results either. I just felt it strange that this happened the next day after unprotected sex and never before. He deleted me from his social media and everything. I have done nothing to him. He just took heart and crushed my soul! I thought he cared for me I don't understand how he turned so cold so quickly 😔
Nicoletaylor sarah53590
Posted
Nicoletaylor zumanity55872
Posted
sarah53590 Nicoletaylor
Posted
If you've not had any symptoms, why is it suspected you have it? Testing is usually done only upon suspicion.
Cfemale zumanity55872
Posted
I got diagnosed with the same thing about 6 months ago! I couldn't talk to anyone about it because I thought my family wouldn't be supportive for me. I recently had my second out brake and it wasn't as bad as before! I'm so embarrassed by it to the point I won't get close to anyone! I just feel dirty and hate myself for having unprotected sex with my ex partner. It does make me depressed to the point I think what is the point and won't get out of bed all day! I never used to be like this I used to make sure I had my hair and make up done before going out now I don't even put my make up on and always have my hair in a ponytail!
Bake98 Cfemale
Posted
Don't be like that. It's not the end of the world. There's still people that will date you even with your condition. I've had it for three years. It's embarrassing to tell someone but it's something you have to tell them. And if they aren't willing to accept it then they can kick rocks and they shouldn't be in your life anyways. Feel free to message me anytime if you need a friend to talk too.