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Have herpes, unprotected sex

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zumanity55872
zumanity55872

I was diagnosed herpes 2 five years ago. I didnt aware I had it and was in relationship. Until the first outbreak I got tested, same as my ex. His result came out positive, we didnt know who got first but we supported each other.

We broke up almost 2 years ago, we remained friends and he already started a new relationship one year ago. He told me sometimes he didnt use any protection with his gf(she knows) and she has been okay.

I know that herpes can pass to others even there is no outbreak, but from my ex expeirence, his gf and him are good so far. Just wonder if anyone has similar expereince with his/her partners? If you have unprotected sex when there is no outbreak?

I have met a guy and told him the whole situation. He said he doesnt care and still want to be with me. He wanted to have unprotected sex, but i really dont want to put him at risk. I did saw others for short time also with unprotected sex. He got tested a few month ago and result came out negative.

Please share with me if you have similar experience with me.

5 likes, 252 replies

252 Replies

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  • life36619
    life36619 zumanity55872

    Posted

    I feel devastated too when i found out.. I was diagnosed by random test i never had OB up to now and not on any medication.

    I didnt tell my current bf that i have it and had unprotected sex. I told him after a month and he got mad and left me because i kept it from him. I know i was wrong not considering him but im also afraid of rejection. Now i regret not telling him and i lost him.

    • Bake98
      Bake98 life36619

      Posted

      He was looking for a way out anyways.  He shouldn't leave you for that. If he loved you he'd be more understanding.  So he was looking for a reason to leave you anyways. Just my opinion.  But just always be honest up front. It's embarrassing to tell people. Especially if you live in a small town. Blah 

    • life36619
      life36619 Bake98

      Posted

      He told me hes not leaving because of that.. the fact that he felt betrayed of not telling him is the reason why he cant go on anymore. I accepted my mistake, i should have told him before. And I let him go.
  • SadGirl24
    SadGirl24 zumanity55872

    Posted

    Hi, I'm new here so I don't really know what to say or do. I'm just freaking out and really nervous because I performed oral sex on my bf and I'm positive I was having a breakout... I didn't find out until the next day. We both were drinking when it happy. I'm so scared and can't stop crying. Since I was having a breakout is there a 100% guarantee that he will get it. Someone please help me I'm so scared and he's the only thing I have. I'm going to lose him forever if this happens.

    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 SadGirl24

      Posted

      Hi I'm sorry you're going through all this worry and sadness. My story is different but I know very well the feeling that you may lose everything due to herpes.  Knowledge and experience today will make you stronger tomorrow. So here goes...  Even having full fledged everything sex wouldn't guarantee transmission.  Lets first be sure I'm understanding you right.  You were/are having an ORAL  herpes outbreak (coldsore) and gave your boyfriend oral sex then the next day realized you were having an outbreak?    You're concerned of giving him genital herpes from an outbreak on your mouth?  

      Have you ever been diagnosed and know whether you have strain 1 or 2 ?     If you have strain 1 :  he may already have it (USA - 80%population orally, 25% pop. genitally) and if he has had it orally for a while, he's somewhat protected from contracting it genitally.  His immune system recognizes it and has defenses up. 

      I'm glad you care so much about him and how he feels about it.  Does he know you have herpes?  

      Part of keeping herpes from harming the health of your relationship is being able to tell him sorry honey I wouldn't have done it if I knew I was having an outbreak.  I will try to spot them sooner from now on to avoid giving it to you.  He also needs to accept that there's always a risk he could get it no matter what precautions are taken.  You can also reduce viral shedding through antiviral meds or natural immune boosting methods. He also needs to know that there's lots of people out there who could give it to him without knowing (80% those who have herpes are asymptomatic and don't know), and also people who may know they have it and are afraid to say  or don't care or care more for their own feelings than their casual lover's to tell them. At least you're honest... Or if you haven't told him, apologize and explain your concern for his health.  Though after more education, I think you'll find herpes isn't as big a deal maybe you think it is.  

      I have more to say that may help but let's start there and make sure I've got the story right. 

      Take care, smile and read some stories and info here on the forum. 

    • SadGirl24
      SadGirl24 sarah53590

      Posted

      Yes, you understand exactly what I am saying. I'm really scared and at this moment, no he does not know. I found out 2yr or so back.

    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 SadGirl24

      Posted

      May I ask why you haven't told him?  Afraid he will find you unattractive or be fearful to get it?  

      What strain do you have ?  1 or 2?  

    • SadGirl24
      SadGirl24 sarah53590

      Posted

      Both, we've known each other for years but stayed friends and now we're trying to be more. I have strain 1. This was our first time doing anything. I don't know how he'll react, but I know it won't be good. I f****d up bad. If anything happens to him idk what I would do. He doesn't deserve that.

    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 SadGirl24

      Posted

      Well according to medical evidence, that your strain is hsv1 is a good thing.  While 50% of new HSV cases is strain 1, they're far less common to have reoccurent OBs !  If he ever even contracts it, he may never even have an OB!   They say if he has it orally (80% chance he does) he reduced his chance of getting it genitalLy. 

      There's many ppl who are adults and have been for a long time but still don't approach things like this with maturity and rationale. If he doesn't already, he needs to understand there's the same risk with 80% ppl out there if he were with one of them and there's really nothing different about you. Make it clear to him you didn't know you were having an outbreak. There's no reason you should have to tell him in advance with no OB in sight that u get coldsores... If that were the case more ppl than not would be having the "well before we have sex I gotta tell ya something... I've got something only 20% ppl don't have..."  Yea doesn't happen.  

      So, just because it's possible he could come up with a sore on his Weiner soon and be asking u about it, I suggest u talk to him about it soon before the sore happens so he's not shocked and maybe scared and confused. 

      Best wishes. Feel free to talk more if u like. I'm here. 

    • Takenc
      Takenc SadGirl24

      Posted

      Hey please mssg me I would like to share my story with you

  • LovingChip
    LovingChip zumanity55872

    Posted

    Hello Everyone, First off wanted to state how I admire everyone who is giving the next person honest, encouragement, and respect on thier blogs. Love it truly gives me hope! I don't have HSV at all just found it out today. However my partner who I've been in and out of a relationship with and not currently with has HSV2. We always planned to be together in the future and when he told me beginning of this month. I was more happy he didn't get another woman pregnant and brush off that he has HSV2. It's not really a big deal to me I love him regardless. And there's worse things out there. I'm the only person who knows he has it. And he's so happy I didn't judge him and I don't care. I reassured him he can still do what he wants in life and have a family and bright future. And there's more people in the world like me. However he told me I'm the only fish in the sea for him lucky me smile. What I'm saying is don't be scared to tell your partner because betrayal is the worst feeling to find out by catching it then being up front. He's scared for us to have sex right now. He needs to get more comfortable with himself having it. Which is find I'm celibate until we get married or engaged. I told him "I'll be more willingly to do whatever sexual thing we use to do as his wife then just his gf" so we planned to get married. Not to just to have sex but you know he knows I genuinely see past the virus and love him no matter what. Moral I'm getting at theirs someone out here that'll love you regardless I'm glad he was honest with me. Now my question I want to know can I get impregnated and not catch it? If not that's fine but he would be hurt if he felt he gutted me by giving it to me. Please help loves to answer my question if you can? If not which I'll still do it I'll take the next trip to the clinic to ask questions I have with him. 

  • Guest
    Guest zumanity55872

    Posted

    Hi came across your post and wanted to ask, how long were you two together when u found out?? I got diagnosed from a first outbreak a few weeks ago me and my bf have been together for 6 years and I’m so confused I never cheated so idk if gave it to me or I had it already in my system from past partners.
    • sarah53590
      sarah53590 Guest

      Posted

      Together for 8 mos.  my last relationship before it was 16 yrs and he hadn't had sex in over a year prior to me. Neither us ever had a outbreak before then.  My initial ob came about 6 wks before his. 

    • Guest
      Guest sarah53590

      Posted

      Thanks you!! My bf hasn’t gotten tested yet he’s waiting for his appt
  • isiah06494
    isiah06494 zumanity55872

    Posted

    I wanted to know if you are in a relationship for 3 years and you have herpes but no outbreaks and your partner is not showing no symptoms of herpes will they most likely to have it.
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