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I'll start from the beginning so this makes sense.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 18 by a GP (I'm 23 now), and given Fluoxetine, which I was on until about this time last year. It seemed to be a little helpful for a while, however i still had recurring bouts of depression. I moved to a different area, and continually asked my GP there if try a different medication, to no avail (I just got the impression that they didn't believe me)
I did have 8 sessions of counselling, which was helpful at the time.
So about this time last year I decided to stop taking the fluoxetene without talking to my GP, as it wasn't helping, and had made me gain a lot of weight. (I know the fluoxetene is to blame, as since then I've lost of that weight without trying)
I felt okay for a while, but since august, I've been feeling horrendous again. In september I went to the GP (it's the GP i'd originally seen years ago) and tried to explain how I felt. At this time I was against the idea of going back on a medication and asked if I could be referred for counselling. The GP refferred me, but was quite condesending during the appointment, acting as if he didn't beleive that I felt depressed again.
When I got a letter about the counselling referral, I basically freaked out and threw the letter in the bin. I think it was partly because I was so upset about how the GP had talked to me, and the fact that the initial consultation had to be via telephone. ( I HATE speaking on the phone, which is a very common anxiety thing that so many people have, it's so silly, WHOSE idea was it to have a freaking phone consultation as the gateway to getting counselling???)
I was adamant that I wouldn't go to the GP again, however recently I've gone downhill even more, and went back again out of desperation.
I thought I'd kind of decided that I would try medication again, so I said this to the GP. I asked if there were any which didn't cause such awful weight gain side effects and he said that they all cause weight gain (Is this true??) but then was saying that it could be monitered to try and minimise it.
So the GP told me to come back in 2 week and gave me a prescription for Citalopram.
I got home, and looked up Citalopram, and saw all the stories of horrendous uncontrollable weight gain... and have decided there is no way I'm going to take it. I also haven't been back. And I still feel indescribeably awful.
I'm not really sure what to do now. I've got myself into a silly situatuion because I get so indecisive, one second I'll want help and think that counselling would help a lot and then the next second I'll decide that I'm fine and theres actually nothing wrong with me and that it's somekind of conspiracy and the worlds a terrible place and it's actually all the happy normal people who are wrong about everything.
I feel like I've actually forfeited any chance of help because the GP must think I'm just being attention seeking and I can see why he'd think that. When I go i barely say anything, I don't even have the ability to try and explain how bad I feel. But then I also think even If i did they'd just sweep it away and undermine me again. But then I don't know, maybe I am just attention seeking.
Okay so end of the long winded ramble, here's basically what I'm trying to get opinions on:
1) Is it really true that ALL antidepressants cause weight gain? Are there any which are less likely to?
2) Do I sound like a complete moron?
3) Should I try and go back to the GP and properly explain how I feel or should I just not and hope that the problems I'm having just go away eventually (I don't know if this will happen though as It's been going on for 5+ years)
Apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes
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