Have I relapsed or a slip after rehab?!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi everyone,

Following on from my last post asking about information on a home detox, I was admitted to a unit for or a 2 week detox. My liver function tests was far from the best - ALT - 250+ GGT 700+

I didn't feel I was ready to come out as I was still desperately craving alcohol. Truth is I wasn't. I am back drinking and taking co-codamol on a daily basis.

People say a relapse is when you start drinking again, but drinking worst then you was before. Although I am back drinking I am not drinking anywhere near what I previously was (I am currently drinking half a litre of vodka a day). Would this be classed as a relapse or just a slip? I think I may be back in denial stage?

I do feel like such a failure/discrase and embarrassment, to have a 2 week detox and relapse straight away is just beyond me. I feel such shame and like I have/am just wasting everyone's time. I have gone back to my old ways, isolating myself, self hate, self harm and just waking up not wanting to do this any more.

I don't want to live a life like this, I want to change I really do but I always end up relapsing and back to square one! I am due to attend groups again and have a few courses about the mind and how addiction works so I'm hoping these will help.

I don't really know why I posted this, I guess I could do with advice on if I have relapsed or its just a slip, I am in denial again, how to stop feeling the shame... I don't really know

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Gill, if you drink period its a relapse. The best thing to do is to lay it down completely i know easier said than done, i am just 67 days in on being sober alcohol really messed my life up bad i feel horrible still to this day everyday is a struggle but you have to hang in there and be strong i found the best thing for me was being with sober people if you want to go to a bar or drink at home go to a coffee shop , go in sit down and enjoy that and see the sober people around you i hope the best for you it is really hard but you have to stay strong GOD BLESS !!

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  • Posted

    Dear Gill,

    you are very honest and i fully understand that you feeling lost. If i am honest with you, i do think that that you still have a serious situation with vodka every day and half a litre. Perhaps the new groups and activities can help you understand how to approach your issues and what to do. Talking always helps ☺

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  • Posted

    Hi Gill,

    I had a 3 week stay in a hospital where I was diagnosed as an alcoholic. I refused to accept this as I had the stereotypical image in my head of what an alcoholic looks and behaves like. I was wrong, the people there were all like me and had 'an unhealthy dependency with alcohol'. I came out and for 5 months I was sober but although I felt really good about myself I relapsed big time. That was 15 years ago and after many, many attempts of trying not to drink I find myself nearly 14 weeks without a drink. What I am trying to say is that please do not feel disgusted with yourself - these things happen, so although you feel ashamed you had detox and it didn't work this time, then just congratulate yourself that you have realised that you have a problem and that you are trying to deal with it. If you can try and tell yourself that if you can try detox once then you can try it again. Putting pressure on yourself and telling yourself that you are a failure will make you feel even worse. Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again.

    I'm sorry my post is a bit longwinded but I hope it helps. If you are looking to try any therapy then I strongly suggest CBT. I was highly sceptical of this treatment but it really seems to have altered my mindset into thinking that instead of berating yourself then focus on the positive things. The positives for you are that 1) you know you have a problem 2) you have tried to address the problem but, OK, this time it didn't work 3) you have posted on here. The people on here seem really caring and are good listeners. Keep posting however trivial it may seem. There will be someone on here who has experienced the same.

    I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your next steps.

    Humpty xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Gill,

    I had a 3 week stay in a hospital where I was diagnosed as an alcoholic. I refused to accept this as I had the stereotypical image in my head of what an alcoholic looks and behaves like. I was wrong, the people there were all like me and had 'an unhealthy dependency with alcohol'. I came out and for 5 months I was sober but although I felt really good about myself I relapsed big time. That was 15 years ago and after many, many attempts of trying not to drink I find myself nearly 14 weeks without a drink. What I am trying to say is that please do not feel disgusted with yourself - these things happen, so although you feel ashamed you had detox and it didn't work this time, then just congratulate yourself that you have realised that you have a problem and that you are trying to deal with it. If you can try and tell yourself that if you can try detox once then you can try it again. Putting pressure on yourself and telling yourself that you are a failure will make you feel even worse. Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again.

    I'm sorry my post is a bit longwinded but I hope it helps. If you are looking to try any therapy then I strongly suggest CBT. I was highly sceptical of this treatment but it really seems to have altered my mindset into thinking that instead of berating yourself then focus on the positive things. The positives for you are that 1) you know you have a problem 2) you have tried to address the problem but, OK, this time it didn't work 3) you have posted on here. The people on here seem really caring and are good listeners. Keep posting however trivial it may seem. There will be someone on here who has experienced the same.

    I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your next steps.

    Humpty xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi gill...the terminology of relapse/slip does not really matter.

    Drinking is drinking....

    Drinking is a progressive disease..so even if you are not at the moment drinking as much as you were when you entered your rehab facility if you continue drinking it will sneak up on you and you will be drinking as much or more than before.

    It is very hard to just stop drinking..your mind has to be ready to fight this demon.

    I grew sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Look back on the 2 weeks that you had without the drink how progressively your sleep and your mood improved..

    Keep reaching out for any help you can get until the feeling of wanting to stop finds you...you are not going to stop until you really want to stop.

    I had a period of 8 years sobriety...then I drank...and I couldn' t stop for 4 YEARS...I wanted to and could not..I was in the hospital so many times and at least 2 of the times was in grave condition where I could have died and I still did not stop....I would come out of the hospital and not drink for a week or 2 and then I was drinking again.

    Last December I stopped and I stayed stopped for 10 months....about a month ago I decided I was going to have a few drinks...at least 4x in the last month my drinking has become out of control...AGAIN...

    I know what my triggers are and its very important for me to avoid getting to a point where i am triggered to drink...

    I am not currently drinking and I feel amazing...waking up refreshed...wearing pajamas instead of falling asleep in the clothes that I coughed and spilled beer on all night...and the sweating and tossing and turning has stopped....

    Now for me it is to keep working on keeping myself safe and away from alcohol...Its a choice after you detox to drink or not to drink...sometimes the urge to drink is so powerful it wins...but in the end you have to realize this drinking cycle will either kill you soon or certainly shorten our life span.

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  • Posted

    Sorry everyone - I posted my message twice!!

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  • Posted

    Sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much for your comments, honest words and how alcohol has effected you. Can I ask how did you get into CBT? I have been to my doctors since I have been out of rehab, seen my alcohol worker and seen the alcohol nurse at the hospital. I have been 100% honest with them this time and told them I am back drinking and been honest with the amount, I just got the luck of disgust and disappoint and was advised there is nothing they can do for another 6 months. I ended up in A&E on sunday after an opioid overdose (the doctor prescribed me the dose to stop withdrawal) but of course I was drinking as well. Anyway I decided enough was enough, seeing the sick people in there that actually needed help made me realise how selfish I was and have been. I decided at there an then no more. I have not had a drink since and have gone 'cold turkey' as the saying goes. I really wouldn't advise anyone on doing it! It's been the hardest 3 days of my life and I should have listened to the doctors, but the worst of the withdrawals are over now so hopefully I can remain sober.

    Wishing you all the best in recovery of this horrible disease!!! Xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Gill,

      Nice to hear back from you!!

      Firstly I would ask to get referred to a counsellor for therapy and even if it is a 6 month waiting list at least you will be registered and on that list. It seems like a long time to wait but if you look back as to what you were doing 6 months ago then you can see how quickly 6 months actually goes by. I was referred to a talking therapist as I went through a period of extreme anxiety and depression which ended up with me resigning from work as I was unable to cope with leaving my house. I had to get cabs to take me to and from my Dr's which was only a 5 minute walk away. Anyway to cut a long story short, I was assigned a lovely NHS therapist who, when she assessed me, advised that CBT therapy might be the best option. As already mentioned I was highly sceptical of this ever working as over the years I'd seen so many different therapists whom I didn't seem to 'click' with but maybe that's because I wasn't at the right stage of my life to work with them. The trouble is that there are so many different contributing factors which determine which type of therapy might be beneficial to an individual at that particular time in their life that you might find it's trial and error to begin with.

      It sounds like you are not in a good place at the moment so ring up your Dr or alcohol worker in the morning and get on that list. You never know but you may have a bit of leverage to be seen sooner especially as you ended up in hospital due to the meds you were prescribed even though you were drinking at the time - but as you say alcoholism is a legitimate illness and so the professionals should be trying to help you. Also, if I were you, I'd start to check out different types of therapies online and see if there's one that you may feel comfortable with. If you find one, then maybe get a book about it and have a read to see if it makes sense to you and whether it relates to how you are feeling. You then might be able to suggest this therapy when you get your appt,

      I could go on and on but make those first positive steps and let us know how you get on. There will be somebody else on here who will also be able to share info with you.

      Found that writing this has been quite therapeutic for me so I hope it helps you too!!

      Wishing you all the best.

      Humpty xxx

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    • Posted

      Great to hear from you Gill. Like me you had hit rock bottom and realised enough is enough. Cold turkey is never advised but i did it like you on 31st December 2012 and have never had a drink since then. Always looking for excuses.to have another drink. Hiding bottles everywhere. Blue cider vodka, white or red wine all fine. Mornings were hell but off i went to work..😧 you can do it and we are all proud of it. You will look and feel better and have more money in your pocket 😁Robin

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