Haven't felt the same since smoking cannabis, I'm worried about myself
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hello everyone. I've had issues with anxiety and OCD for a large portion of my life and now I think I've made things worse. I experimented with cannabis in my teenage years (I'm now 25) and had no problems with it to start with. I enjoyed it for at least a year until I began having unpleasant experiences. After this I cut down a lot and could only experience a good high if I drank alcohol beforehand, but I decided to quit for good soon after and didn't touch the stuff for around 4 years.
I became very uncomfortable around smokers to the point where it became a phobia. I would avoid smokers in public places because I didn't want to breathe in the smoke. But of course this was ineffective because it's impossible to avoid them completely. Gradually I became more relaxed about it and put myself in situations that I would once avoid, and by 2017 I met new people through a job I was previously working in. I had been contemplating trying cannabis again since it'd been so long since I last smoked, I was curious to see how it would effect me. I met one guy who I bonded with right away and found out he smoked cannabis, so agreed to meet him at the weekend. We smoked a joint between us and nothing really happened for the first few minutes, but soon after I began to feel weird and stopped talking. I became very self conscious and paranoid and before long I just wanted to go home. It was quite unpleasant. But by the following day I felt fine. Several weeks past and again I met up with my work buddy to try it again, big mistake!...
I don't wanna go into too much detail but it was a lot worse than the first time and I couldn't wait for it to be over. But again, more weeks passed and I reluctantly decided to smoke again with another friend. I was incredibly anxious before I lit it but I felt pressured to make a decision. That was on March the 24th and I can safely say I will never touch cannabis ever again in my life. I haven't felt the same since and I think I'm now suffering with what's known as depersonalization. I've felt worried and scared, constantly googling my symptoms because I can't relax... It's awful.
I've been to the doctors twice to get checked out, and there were no physical problems. My blood pressure and everything else is fine... But I still don't feel good at all. As though I'm not myself/normal anymore. I started medication (sertraline) a couple of weeks ago and I'm praying that they'll kick in soon and make me feel better. I'm fearing for my life and I really don't want to die. I feel so bad and I'm mad at myself for being so foolish. I'm terrified that I'll never get better. Sorry if this is a little long winded, I struggle to get to the point sometimes... But thank you for reading.
0 likes, 2 replies
cassieKiyomi ryan74334
Posted
Hey Ryan! Just to let you know, I experienced depersonalization for the same reason, cannabis related. The first time I had it, I was around 16 and my Dp lasted for about 6 months. Which is actually quite usually how long it takes for your brain to settle down. The reason our brain does this is because of the amount of stress we have put on it, it's sort of like a defense mechanism. Our brain shuts down for a little while, until we learn how to heal ourselves. Someways to heal ourselves are one, stop doing things that trigger your anxiety such as cannabis or any other psychedelic drug. Exercise more, eat cleaner, eat on time, DO NOT just stay in the house all day! It makes it worse if you're stagnant.
You need to realize that this is just anxiety. You are NOT going crazy. Anxiety has a lot of ways of showing itself and sadly Depersonalization and derealization are just some of them. Do not fight the feeling, when you start to feel panicky just tell yourself you're fine and this will not kill you and has never killed anyone. The only way to really cure it is through time. You just have to be patient and let your brain heal itself.
I know how hard this is for you, but I promise it gets so much better. Although I've had it before and healed from it, I unfortunately relapsed a couple of months ago due to high stress following a panic attack. Just realize this is anxiety and stress related. Be more kind to yourself and know when to say no when your body is tell long you so. If you need to talk just message me anytime!
jane75220 ryan74334
Posted
Ryan
You need help to break this habit and dependency. Have you tried drug addiction couselling . Iunderstand there is an organisation that can help you called Narcotics Anonnymous.
?Goodluck glad you cameonto this forum with your dreadful experiences. I feel that you should avoid these 'friends' who bring you downand enetice ou to take drugs .