Having a down week and a half, feeling discouraged.
Posted , 7 users are following.
Hello everybody,
I first started feeling ill in August 2017. I seemed to be getting gradually better through June of 2018 when I overdid it with a lot of activity and had a fair relapse. Since then, my health has been a little touch and go. I felt pretty sick in late October and missed five days of work. I went on a trip for two weeks around Christmas that was fun but stressful. Now for the last week and a half, I've been feeling really down. I had this really strong anxiety arise in me on several nights occasions. And my fatigue and light nausea have been pretty prevalent as well. I've missed three days in the last week and a half. I dont think I feel quite as bad as when this initially hit me a year and a half ago, but it feels close sometimes, and it scares me that its either going to keep cycling through like this for years, or that i could gradually get worse. I have been looking on some cfs forums admittedly and a lot of them talk about a slow gradual decline after having an infection like mono. I just wanted to vent some.
I climbed pretty much nonstop throughout this last year, trying to push through everything, and i think im finally commited to taking a solid month, possibly more, from hard exercise. Right now, a walk around the park is fatiguing.
If anyone can relate or has positive words, I would appreciate it. I usually post positive things on here because overall my case has been on the more mild side since Ive been able to work, exercise, and travel most of the time, but the sheer duration of time and now this setback has been a discouraging time for me.
Thanks for reading,
Nick
0 likes, 13 replies
lori93950 MonorailNick
Posted
hi nick
i worked out really hard the first 5 months as i was undiagnosed and thought it was just hormones . once diagnosed i stopped and got much worse. i sometimes think that if i kept on working out would i still have suffered sooooo much these last 5 -6 months ? then i think like you if i continued then maybe it would just take longer to heal ?
im at 11 months now and just do a walk as that is what is recomended and i want this over with asap.
working out was my life it kept me happy kept my head straight and many more benefits.
so you may want to try not climbing and see how you do . you dont want this to linger on much longer .
MonorailNick lori93950
Posted
Hey Lori, thanks for the reply. Yeah the debate has always raged in my mind, whether the exercise is helpful or not. My naturopath has always advocated for me to remain active. I dont think he realizes just how high intensity bouldering can be, its almost like combat. Not climbing is one of the only things i havent changed about my lifestyle this last year, so i think im going to go at least a month, and when i do go back keep the intensity low and if i start to feel winded, stop rather than push through. Yeah like I said i think i was just about out of the woods with this thing and did too much too soon.
Wish you well.
Tinabear MonorailNick
Posted
hey nick
im so sorry youre not feeling your best. but i have a feeling this is just the case of you overdoing it. im no doctor but i think sometimes mono affects those who have sensitive immune systems - such as the immune system becoming slightly autoimmune (which is your immune system working overtime unecessarily because it detects a virus or illness). i for example have always had really bad colds, that lasted way longer than it needed.
if this is what is going on with you right now then its a good idea to just take time out to relax and look after yourself and focus on supplements and diet that help reduce inflammation (when your immune system over reacts it causes inflammation in general and that can cause the symptoms you describe). i would take a month off work. dont go to the gym. what you need is rest.
i had mono years ago and was advised to stay in bed for the duration of it which i did. this last year i had a lot of stress and that started with a bad cold, which caused me to have weird symptoms and similar mono symptoms (fatigue, night sweats) but a blood test didnt show active mono. so maybe i was just totally run down.
the stress of being ill and not knowing when you will be back to full health can cause your anxiety and even other symptoms because the hormones released during stress can cause imbalances in the body. but its all fixable and eventually you will be totally fine. the body is amazingly resilient and so is the mind.
theres a good supplement called wobenzym n that i like. it reduces inflammation in the body and helps defend against viruses X
MonorailNick Tinabear
Posted
Hey Tina, thanks for replying.
I appreciate the reassuring words. Yes ive been overdoing it for a while, never really rested properly through this illness, i am 28 and appear fit and healthy and i had always gotten along fine persevering through things that way before. but a year and a half of doing that and though i havent gotten worse overall, my recovery seems to go backwards and forwards, i think the missing ingredient is more rest, less intense exercise.
i think this latest bout may have been started by a seperate virus, as people around have been sick.
i do know about that supplement, prior to being a climbing coach, i was a manager in vitamins, a lot of people love that product, though its super expensive. i have been taking some supplements, always hard to know what truly helps though. turmeric is one of the only things i feel a pronounced effect from.
thanks again for the encouragement.
Tinabear MonorailNick
Posted
ah that's great that you already know about good health practices. you will be fine. i know it seems like a long period but it will go away. my mono only lasted about 2 months and that was in jan 2015. and it's only been this last year that i had some of those symptoms come back and that was kick started by a cold virus so it may have been what happened to you. so either the new virus is just lurking and causing the fatigue and the stress on the body or the body is doing a weird thing and reacting to that virus the way it did when it detected mono. it could be mono reactivating but i just have a feeling it sounds like what i went through properly and i don't think it was the mono, it was just my system reacting (maybe because it had learnt to react that way when i got mono). the good thing about wobenzym is that it targets areas of inflammation that don't need to be inflammed. and helps the blood move around the body faster and also stops viruses from binding to our cells. when i took it i noticed that when i did get a cold i hardly had any symptoms at all. so i thought it really worked for me. it is expensive but worth a try if you're not feeling good.
good luck and lots of love. i know it's hard to imagine better times when you're stuck in a bad period but it will definitely go away and this is just a sign to take some time out and look after you
forgetmenot99 MonorailNick
Posted
Hi Nick-mono is a roller coaster. It's own special kind of hell. It took a year and a half for me to recover, and even now over 3 years out I still feel strangely fatigued at times. Stress brings it on and I have learned to rest instead of push myself. I remember a short walk would do me in, but gradually I got better. It seems different for everyone, but the process is scary and takes time. Rest and vitamins and prayer are my best advice. This thing affects you mentally and emotionally too...somehow. It's a very strange monster. Hang in there! Eventually you'll get though it. This forum was a big help to me when I was sick. Lots of good people on here:) It was a lifeline so I come on occasionally. Take care:)
MonorailNick forgetmenot99
Posted
hey there, thanks for taking the time to reply. it is very much appreciated when someone comes back and shares there experience.
Did you experience a linear sort of recovery of did you have little relapses every few months, such has been my experiences in the last 6 months or so.
Yes i too hope to be someone who comes back on here once in a while and offers reassurance to others that there is life on the other side of the illness. I have been somewhat fortunate that mine hasnt been too too severe, just very long lasting, probably due to my unwillingness to rest enough.
thanks for your advice and kind reassurance.
craig07920 MonorailNick
Posted
Hello Nick,
You have been great on this forum in posting words of encouragement, hope and positivity for everyone this last while - you posts always have a lot of thought, compassion, care and sincerity and you shine through as someone who has tackled this virus with great courage and wisdom.
I definitely just want to offer words of encouragement for you right now, and I can relate to this kind of down spell / episode that you're having - I had some times like this during the first couple of years after the virus. There was a time after 21 months, when I was doing much better generally and mostly back to a normal way of life, where I started to feel unwell and like all the mono symptoms again, got another blood test and for the first time since the very beginning it showed positive for mono again. It frightened me so much, thinking I would have to go through all that again, that it was happening all over again. But thankfully it just proved to be a temporary / minor relapse and within 2-3 weeks I was much better and back on track with recovery again.
These kind of mini relapse episodes / setbacks can by VERY common during the first couple of years, and I want to reassure you that in my experience for sure this doesn't continue longer term - your body becomes stronger and stronger as time goes on, and these kind of episodes absolutely cease once and for all, after the first couple of years I have been rarely troubled with anything like that thanks to God only.
The other thing to know is that in NO WAY can your body go back to how it was when first infected - even though during a mini-relapse / down spell you can feel awful, almost as bad as the very beginning, it doesn't mean your body has went back to the start - your body is already 18 months down the line of getting this thing under control and with most down spells it gets things back in check pretty quickly, so don't panic Nick I know it's hard not to when feeling you keep going through the same cycle / episodes. It's awful I know.
My belief having read lots of people's stories and given my own experience is that the post viral cycle can take certainly a couple of years to fully be tamed, but it doesn't mean in any way that it continues indefinitely or is CFS or anything like that - absolutley not post-viral is a time limited thing and once your body has overcome it, it has overcome it. So hang in there Nick, just hoping you feel much better soon and can get back to the exercise and climbing I know you enjoy so much soon - but of course just be wise and rest when you need to during this spell, and truly believing you will be back on track again very soon with God's help.
Hang in there and your body WILL get stronger and put this thing into check once and for all, truly it will trusting God with that. Thinking of you.
Craig
MonorailNick craig07920
Posted
Hey Craig, thanks man. I appreciate what you have to say. Yeah ive tried to have a positive outlook on this as well as life in general most of the time. just this latest setback kind of did a number on me mentally, maybe its because its right around a nice round number, 1.5 years, and im just feeling frustrated at the length, and ashamed to let people down like my managers at work for having to call in several times and my fiance feeling like i dont pull my weight. These people all are really reassuring to me, but i know i put some strain on them.
i keep waking up at like 3 am this last week and a half feeling anxious and a little nausea. when i first get out of bed, my heart ramps up and pounds, its similar to POTS, but doesnt go super fast, maybe like 90 bpm, and once im awake if i lay down and get back up a second time it doesnt spike hardly at all like the first time.
its like i have several light versions of cfs type symptoms, and i think reading those peoples stories has been adding to my anxiety, wondering if i could go down that same road. its not like my mono symptoms have been textbook to begin with, never had swollen spleen or noticeably swollen lymph nodes. they did say it was a recent infection though.
Anyway, thanks for your perspective, its good to know others have had setbacks this far out. ive been searching the internet and finding a number of stories about people who had symptoms as long or longer than i had and got better.
wish you well.
craig07920 MonorailNick
Posted
Hi Nick,
Absolutely you have nothing in the slightest to be ashamed about and you haven't let anyone down- truly you don't this virus is BRUTAL, it makes you feel awful and it can be a common thing for people to feel guilty or as it they are just not trying hard enough to get over it - when in actual fact that is not the case at all, this thing is intense, it batters your body for such a long period and it takes time to recover from.
So Nick definitely I would encourage you to be more understanding to yourself, you've been through such a tough time and you have shown a great and positive attitude. It's just sometimes it grinds us down and we reach a point where we just feel so weary with it - and it's understandable after 18 months to be feeling tired, weary, fed up and discouraged at times.
There is not a 'typical' road for symptoms and recovery with this thing I've learned Nick. I wasn't bothered with a swollen spleen and although did have some bother with glands, it wasn't the main symptom, for me the terrible low grade fever and fatigue and just feeling generally unwell were the main and worst things.
One other thing to note Nick - and it's just an observation I'm picking up over time and reading many stories - I can almost see a pattern that people who are fit, healthy people and involved in physical activity like yourself seem to be hit harder with this thing and it can take them longer sometimes to fully recover. But that doesn't mean that you won't recover, because you will - truly you will Nick I genuinely believe that. And that physical fitness you have will actually stand you in good stead even though it's taking longer right now, it will mean your recovery when it fully manifests will be fuller and you will be stronger for the experience.
Sometimes are pushed right to our limits before we see things change or a breakthrough Nick - things are going to turn for you and I believe that a SIGNIFICANT change and breakthrough for the better is on its way for you much sooner than you think with this - so hang in there for now and remember there is hope and there is FULL recovery ahead. I don't believe you have CFS or anything like that, I believe it's an extended post-viral phase your body is trying to get on top and be assured that it will win that battle, even if it's taking time truly your body resilience will come back - hang in there Nick.
The British 400m athlete Roger Black's is a good recovery story from mono to read about - someone who was super fit at the elite level of his sport, totally struck down with this thing - but then bounced back after a few years to achieve an Olympic Silver.
Craig
kris0633 MonorailNick
Posted
Hi Nick! I am sorry to hear about this setback you are going through. I got sick in September 2017, so we've been at this a similar amount of time. After the initial onset, I've had 4 relapses, most lasting a few weeks and then I gradually come out of them. A week ago I woke in the night and knew a flare-up was happening. Weirdly, the longer this drags on, the more it has affected me mentally. I guess the worry that it won't ever go away just starts creeping in. Plus, being so confined to home and not being able to socialize really starts to mess with my head. After having a couple of weeks at being at about 60% getting a taste of some normalcy, I think it is even more draining mentally to have a physical setback.
While the physical symptoms aren't enjoyable (my main ones are are: fatigue, body aches, sore throat, neck pain causing headaches from swollen lymph nodes), I seem to have less fatigue with each relapse. That gives me hope that this will eventually work its way out of my system. I hope things improve for your very soon! Do your best to keep your spirits up and know you are not alone!
MonorailNick kris0633
Posted
hey Kris, thanks for the reply. Nice, we are really close with the time frame. And im counting, lets see, about 3 clearly defined setback periods ive had myself. the one that prompted me to make this post appears to be lifting thankfully. its been just about two weeks. God it feels longer when youre under the spell.
thank you for the kind words and for relating to me. im glad your fatigue gets a little better each time. my main symptoms i get are fatigue/malaise after exercise, nausea and malaise waking me up st night, this feeling of pulsing in my chest and neck, its as if my heart is pounding but if i put my hands on my chest, its not physically pounding, i feel it inside of me, its very annoying and worse at night or after meals.
and then anxiety that spikes during a down period.
anyway, im glad you feel slow cycling progress, ive collected many stories on the internet of athletic types who got this kind of fatigue and took a year or more and eventually got over it fully, so i am hopeful.
best of luck in your healing.
craig07920 kris0633
Posted
Hi Kris,
It is good to see a post from you and just so sorry to hear things have still been so tough lately. Goodness you've been through the mill by the sounds of it, and it is only understandable that your confidence and mental health is affected, especially if spending a lot of time alone and at home. It is so hard Kris and I do empathise having been through times like that myself. If you are able to, still see friends / family / people you trust and talk to them about how you're feeling. I know without being able to do that I couldn't have got through the horrible time of the virus, just grateful God gave me and has given me good people around me to help me.
Absolutely there is hope Kris, sometimes it can just take a longer extended period with this thing for some people to fully recovery - but it doesn't mean to say you won't recover, I've read lots of stories of people who were still finding it hard at 12 or 18 months but then see a major difference particulary in that 18 month to 2 year period. This virus is intense and nasty and really knocks your system for six, everyone's recovery timescale is different and for some people it can just take a little longer - but truly I believe you are going to get there and remember every day is another day away from the day of infection and towards full recovery, even if it's going at a slower pace, don't panic because you WILL get there and get that breakthrough - truly you will Kris.
Hang in there and thinking of you. Keep us posted as to how things are going.
Craig