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Having a hard time right now...

Posted , 5 users are following.

Flutterbye
Flutterbye

Hi everyone......

Everyone has been a bit quiet in here the past week or so......Don't tell me...you all have a life!!!!!! :roll: :wink:

I am not coping too well at the moment and thought i would write it in here....I feel like such a burden to my family and friends...I feel like I am always complaining or not able to do much due to the constant pain..... :cry: I talked to my hubby about it tonight and he was very lovely and caring as always with me, but i still feel horrible.... sad

I think one thing that is going on with me is that I am grieving....grieving the fact that I can NEVER return to my previous job of 24 years!!!!!! (I have been told this by my Workcover Doctor and case manager) I am one of those rare people that loved what i did....I worked in a home with disabled people....I was happy doing my job, even though i was in pain all the time....I just tried to ignore it as much as possible and when it was too much, i took painkillers to get thru my shift..then i would go home and fall asleep...lol I feel lost without my job....I feel like i was making a difference to peoples lives....It was something i was good at, and thats NOT something i usually say about myself....

The constant pain is wearing me out....I'm always tired...I have no motivation to do much at all.....Im frustrated that i can't do simple housework chores as i have discovered that certain things trigger off worse pain, so i am forcing myself to not do them.....but damn its HARD!!!!!! :evil:

It's only 8 sleeps till i see the Neurosurgeon......I'm trying not to pin too much hope for a solution, but its hard to not think like that...I want some light at the end of this damn tunnel!!!!!!

OK....I think i have ranted enough now...Maybe i am at the anger stage of grieving.... :wink: :roll: If thats the case....bargaining is next and then acceptance...so hopefully i am nearly out of this anger phase!!!!

Thanks for listening....Jas..xx.. :wings:

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • chris215a
    chris215a

    Posted

    hi again, i think you'll find if someone is missing we are having bad days as well, especially if it is thursday(gerry).i have given up lots of things because of this damned illness, i live like a hermit, i barely manage housework. if it wasnt for my family i wouldnt cope, my ex did a runner when i started with this so be thankful you have your husband. my kids have been towers of strength, very helpful and caring. family support means a lot. all i can say is be kind to yourself and rest when you can, do what you can when you can and dont punish yourself. chris
  • Lou77
    Lou77

    Posted

    Hey Flutterbye,

    Have you changed your name (it is you isn't it? Hope so, if not I'm looking a right plonker :lol: ) Are you going incognito 8) ?

    Sorry you're feeling rough, but you've done the right thing coming on here and getting it off your chest. This is one place where you can say exactly how you feel and you don't have to worry about what people think, because we're probably feeling exactly the same. We're all in the same boat, missing our old jobs, (and God how I hate it when people say how \"lucky\" I am to be a lady of luxury, grrrr.... :mrgreen: I would [i:48d7586ec0]love [/i:48d7586ec0]to be back in my old job), feeling guilty about the housework if we don't do it, suffering when we do it :roll: . Of course we get down sometimes, who wouldn't? I haven't been around myself because I've had a bit of a bad run. Gawd, sometimes I feel so sorry for myself I get on my own nerves, have to give myself a slap round the chops! (But not too hard, don't want to jar the old neck do I? :wink: :lol: )

    So have a nice cuppa :tea: and maybe a little bit of chocolate :choc: (excellent pain reliever/cheererupper :wink: ) and here's a nice big :hug: .

    Love Lou xx :diva:

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hiya flutterbye, sorry you feel bad at the moment.Your letter was word for word as to how i feel at the moment.Im waiting to see my works doctor.My manager is sure i cant continue with work. Im feeling exactly like you. all that you wrote is me!!! I too love my job as a rehab assesor and carer in community. Lets know how you get on, you have my sympathy!
  • Flutterbye
    Flutterbye

    Posted

    Thank you Chris for your reply....I'm really glad that you have family support...It is so important to have people around us who understand when we just can't do things....I have my parents who are both 70 yrs old...They live nearly an hours drive from me so that is hard sometimes, but My mum comes over once in a while and cleans for me...I always feel so guilty when she does it, but she reminds me of the times she was flat on her back with back pain and i went and helped her out....so i guess its ok.... wink My sister is wonderful to talk to, but she has her hands full with a 2 yr old daughter and she looks after other kids in her home everyday...I sometimes go to her house and just spend time with my niece, Jasmine...she is soooo gorgeous and funny...I sometimes tell my sister that Jassy is soul restoring for me.... :D

    [quote:e910870053=\"Lou77\"]Hey Flutterbye,

    Have you changed your name (it is you isn't it? Hope so, if not I'm looking a right plonker :lol: ) Are you going incognito 8) ?

    Sorry you're feeling rough, but you've done the right thing coming on here and getting it off your chest. This is one place where you can say exactly how you feel and you don't have to worry about what people think, because we're probably feeling exactly the same. We're all in the same boat, missing our old jobs, (and God how I hate it when people say how \"lucky\" I am to be a lady of luxury, grrrr.... :mrgreen: I would [i:e910870053]love [/i:e910870053]to be back in my old job), feeling guilty about the housework if we don't do it, suffering when we do it :roll: . Of course we get down sometimes, who wouldn't? I haven't been around myself because I've had a bit of a bad run. Gawd, sometimes I feel so sorry for myself I get on my own nerves, have to give myself a slap round the chops! (But not too hard, don't want to jar the old neck do I? :wink: :lol: )

    So have a nice cuppa :tea: and maybe a little bit of chocolate :choc: (excellent pain reliever/cheererupper :wink: ) and here's a nice big :hug: .

    Love Lou xx :diva:[/quote:e910870053]

    YES Lou... 8) I did change my user name...It is still me...Jas.... :wings: I did explain in another thread but i don't know which one..... :roll: Due to me being on Workcover and I am also taking legal action against my employer...I really didn't want them snooping into my private thoughts i write in here and Jassyjewels was my previous business name.....I make beaded jewellery...Its never been a money making business, more of a hobby/therapy for me...I still bead and sell some of my jewels just to fund buying more beads...... :lol: Soooooo I am now a Flutterbye...... :fairy: (we really need to get a butterfly emoticon thingy for me....LOL )

    Thank you for your words...It really helps me to know I am not alone in all this...Not that i wish for anyone else to be in pain, but i know you all understand the pain, loss of jobs and independence!!!! :hug:

    I am having that cuppa :coffee: right now and being diabetic, I can only allow myself the occasional choccy.... :choc: but I certainly do!!!!!!!!!

    [quote:e910870053]hiya flutterbye, sorry you feel bad at the moment.Your letter was word for word as to how i feel at the moment.Im waiting to see my works doctor.My manager is sure i cant continue with work. Im feeling exactly like you. all that you wrote is me!!! I too love my job as a rehab assesor and carer in community. Lets know how you get on, you have my sympathy![/quote:e910870053]

    Thank you for your reply..... smile It sure does sound like our journey is very much the same....We can sympathise with eachother!!!!! :hug:

    I have a Physio appointment today, so hopefully that will ease some of the muscle spasms that I have right now.... :yuk:

    Take care everyone...Love Jas..xx.. 8)

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hi flutterbye, i'm also sorry your having a bad time, i had an accident at work when a box was thrown on my head and have just discovered i have cs i, have also been working at my job for 24 years (god lord you:d get less for murder!) and still enjoy it. I am being phased back into work(2 hours a day) but, have a really really horrible feeling that i will have to give it up which i find that idea really scarey also, i'm going through the adoption procedure which is more of a problem (what if they turn me down because of this?!) i cant believe i'm posting my inner most thoughts for all to see am usually quite anal about sharing these ..!!! Right im off then ..would love to hear from anyone who wants a natter ( i am not normally this miserable i promise!!!)
  • Flutterbye
    Flutterbye

    Posted

    [quote:70361fda3b=\"lana lsr \"]hi flutterbye, i'm also sorry your having a bad time, i had an accident at work when a box was thrown on my head and have just discovered i have cs i, have also been working at my job for 24 years (god lord you:d get less for murder!) and still enjoy it. I am being phased back into work(2 hours a day) but, have a really really horrible feeling that i will have to give it up which i find that idea really scarey also, i'm going through the adoption procedure which is more of a problem (what if they turn me down because of this?!) i cant believe i'm posting my inner most thoughts for all to see am usually quite anal about sharing these ..!!! Right im off then ..would love to hear from anyone who wants a natter ( i am not normally this miserable i promise!!!)[/quote:70361fda3b]

    Thank you for replying..... :blush:

    Your accident sound awful..you poor lady.... :hug: I went back to my work many times after flare ups of my CS......What i know now, is that each time i went back, i was really doing more damage to my neck..... :cry: I know all that in my head, but in my heart, im still very upset at not being able to return to my job.....so i understand how you feel!!!!

    Try not to stress about your adoption...there is sooooo many things to stress about in the whole adoption process as it is....I know this because my sister has been thru it all!!!!!!!!! She now has a gorgeous and adorable little 2 year old girl...... :fairy: :wings: and the process is still continuing for her...(long and complex story) I wish you the best of luck with your adoption journey!!!!!

    Good on your for sharing your story...I find it helps me a lot to be able to talk to people who understand the daily fight with CS...... :tickle: :hug:

    Please take gentle care of yourself!!! Jas..xx.. :wings:

  • Flutterbye
    Flutterbye

    Posted

    4 more sleeps till I see the Neurosurgeon...... :doctor: Eeeekkkkkkk!!! Ive been waiting so long for this appointment...but im nervous....I'm also trying not to expect too much from the first consultation....but i REALLY want some answers!!!!!!!! :yikes: :huh:

    Has anyone got questions that they think i should ask him...???? I just want to make sure i don't forget anything..... :doh:

    Thanks for listening....Jas..xx.. :wings:

  • juniper
    juniper

    Posted

    Hi Iana Isr

    I too have CS. We went through the adoption process and sucessfully adopted. It was the best thing we have ever done. You have to be honest. Yes you have this condition, yes it will affect you, yes, it will be difficult, but yes you can work around it. It may mean changing how you view life, and to some extent how you organise it, but that is what parenthood means anyway, regardless. The adoption panel are looking for loving, caring homes, not perfection.

    I hope that this helps. I wish you all the best for a happy outcome. Please do not give up because of CS.

    Regards

    Juniper

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    hi juniper, well i have to say reading your log has cheered me up no end (cant wait to tell hubby!) I have reached a point now where i have accepted i will have to change my mindset and accept this is what ive got and get on with it.Glad your adoption went through and, i will take on board what you said about the adoption panel , perfect we are not! but we have time, patience and lots of love to give ( i sound like a right old sop!) but seriously juniper thanks for that info.

    Regards to you

    lana lsr

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