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Having A Hard Time Saying 'No' Then Wish You Had?

Posted , 3 users are following.

judith93388
judith93388

Once upon a time I could never say 'No' it was always 'Yes, yes , yes'

Then I discovered my irritability and frustration and disappointment at finding myself in situations that I wished I'd never let myself in for - all because I was afraid of others' disapproval -  The rows, justifications, 'because because because'  from the book  'When I Say No I Feel Guilty'  no need to justify changing your mind anymore just  5 little words in response to 'Why did you do that? etc'  --'Because I FELT LIKE IT!!'  

End Of!!!

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • gail0525
    gail0525 judith93388

    Posted

    I am 63 and a grandmother of 12! However I have terrible guilt every time I say no (which isn't very often). When I do say no my adult children get so mad at me its rediculous. When I say yes I hate myself. I have medical problems and a lot of arthritis pain. She wants me to come to her house at 6:30am to drive her kids to daycare so she won't be late to her job. It means getting them up, feeding them getting them dressed, into car seats, and into two different areas of a large day care. I have a very difficult time saying no out of guilt. I want so badly to stop this insane behavior of mine. Why can't I say no with confidence? 
    • judith93388
      judith93388 gail0525

      Posted

      Hi Gail

      It sounds like you're being really put upon and that is unacceptable

      This time is now for you -

      Just imagine what would they do if you were no longer here -

      Your daughter needs to speak to her employers and deal with this problem herself, they are her children after all and not yours

      You've obviously done your job having 12 grandkids suggests you may have had 3 or 4 children of your own!

      Have you thought of joining an assertive training course or a group support because this sounds like elder abuse to me -It's time to be kind to yourself

      Take care -

      Big ((HUG)) xx

  • joy47826
    joy47826 judith93388

    Posted

    It SHOULD get easier with practice, practice, practice.....I've stopped being a pleaser, to a degree, when I'm comfortable with pleasing.....No is a sentence....

    I was raised with the guilt stuff from religion and it took years but got rid of that stuff....good luck and practice.    Joy 76 US

    • gail0525
      gail0525 joy47826

      Posted

      Thanks Joy! I guess there is no easy answer. I want to have a great relationship with my adult children and the only time they ever call me is if they need a babysitter or money, and since I don't have much money you can tell what direction this is going. It hurts to have children who get so furious at me if I dare to say no.....I have to make up excuses, I'm not comfortable saying no just because I feel like it. I have other things I want to do these days that does not include screaming children and changing diapers....I love them all but enough is enough. I want to be the grandmother NOT the mother of these babies.why is this so difficult?
    • joy47826
      joy47826 gail0525

      Posted

      Oh Gail, I have 2 grandkids, 15 and 18 soon, they do nothing for me....I don't ask either, but they never offer and live quite close by.   They are busy with their lives and their dad died last year so my daughter is raising them by herself....lots of other history but I don't expect much NOW....expectations can only disappoint.     I was with my first grandgirl a LOT when she was a little baby/child....but things change....  I do everything for myself but there may come a day when I need some help from them, hope they will be there for me.

      I know of many grandmoms who are raising their child's child and I know of some grandmoms who won't even babysit......so takes all kinds....

      Take care of YOU, these grownups should not expect so much from you....Joy 

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