Having a relationship with someone with an anxiety disorder
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hello my name is Sofia and i have or had a relationship with someone with generalize anxiety disorder.
I have children from a previous relation
I have been with my "boyfriend" for almost 3 years the first 2 years everything was ok, when I meet him he told me about his disease . I could see that simple thigs sometimes where hard for him to handle , he could hide very well his disease in front of the people, nobody seems to notice something was wrong with him. Sometimes was difficult for me because I had problems with my ex and some hard moments too, but he was a big support for me and is why I tried to always be there for him too. Couple of months ago we decided to moved together, he asked me to move to his place, I accepted and I moved to his city. As a single mother with kids is difficult and I can understand was difficult for him too, he was single and everything changed for him. The experience turns bad and he break out in a nervous crises, took some pills and went to the mental hospital because he feel too much pressure, apparently was not the first time he has been in a mental hospital when he feels like that, I was upset and a bit scared and mad at the same time I have to be honest, he moved to his family's house and let me stay at his place until the end of the scholar year. He propose I should stay in the same city instead of moving back to my previous city, but I moved back to my old place . Now he ask me to come back together but living everybody in their own place. For me is difficult to accepted because I think he wants to keep his comfort zone and don’t investing himself too much, meanwhile I have to do the hard work. My kids love him and call him dad and I am wondering if is worth it to keep a relationship with someone who has this problem. He told me he loved me and after his nervous attack the only he can offers right now is a boy-girl friend relationship, I would like one day to do a family again but I don’t have any experience dealing with someone with anxiety. any help or experiences to share?. Thanks
0 likes, 8 replies
jmcg2014 AD45065
Posted
first thing - its not a good idea to refer to somones anxiety as a "disease" - its not a disease and people resent that term being used. If you want to be in a relationship with someone with anxiety then take the time to learn about, ask questions of your partner and learn how it effects them from their point of view. All our views may be very different from his, and its his views that matter. Also be honest with yourself, if you dont think you want that as part of a relationship, then its best to be honest and not be in the relationship. Anxiety can be very difficult - but remember it is worse for the person with anxiety, they are in pain more than anyone else
AD45065 jmcg2014
Posted
jmg sorry for the term disease, i used it because he refers himself as having this disease.
I try to understand if is true that people crossing by this kind of problem can't do a regular life? like having a family. Every time i make question he avoid it , and we went to therapy but things went from bad to really bad. I took my distance when he asked me even i was determinated to finished and in good terms then he look after me and sometimes i have the impression he puss me away and then he calles me back , does this kind of attitudes are normal ? i would like to know more about the anxiety to make a clear and reasonable decision. If the way he acts is because the anxiety as I don't know much about it the subject. I read an I try to learn about it the last two years and for me will be useful to see the experience from the people that has to live with this.
marleen85993 AD45065
Posted
Hi l have been on both sides of this l suffer from anxiety also have been in a relationship with someone with anxiety.l have to say it is not easy to cope.Generally l have found either people with anxiety are very needy or they push you away.This only happens when they are in crisis.l also find we find change very anxiety provoking.What you you need to do is sit down and have a very direct chat also decide for yourself if you really want this relationship and remember to put your children's needs first.Every relationship is hard work and I would not rule out this relationship out because your partner has anxiety.Just be open and honest about how you feel and allow him to be the same with you.
AD45065 marleen85993
Posted
Hi Marleen thanks for your answer, i would love to know more about your expirience, i explain myself i accepted that is hard for him and i was patient too, indeed i can find myself in what you are saying because he pushed me away some times and i can't understand the impression that i have is that "i am just not doing good" for several months he just avoid me , sometimes he just avoid my questions and doesn't answer me at all, for me as mother i need to see if i have a healthy future with him. I was availabe and ready to help him in all ways i can , but as i can't expirience his fears i can't imagine what a person who crooss by this kind of problem needs, i feel sometimes sad with myself and frustraited , and sometimes i have the impression he refuse my help i think a person with anxiety can have a "regular" life no?. i would like to understand more about this as is a new world for me and i just want to help
marleen85993 AD45065
Posted
I know dealing with an anxiety sufferer can be as frustrating for you as the illness is for him especially if he is pushing you away it is impossible to help him.He needs to let you in however that is probably his coping mechanism.He probably feels like no one can help him and doesn't want anyone to see how vulnerable and scared he is.If you can get him to sit down and talk to you tell him how you are feeling and that you want to be there for him however he needs to let you be able to do that.Keep trying and be patient.A lot of anxiety sufferers have healthy and happy relationships.
thomas96833 AD45065
Posted
Well first off it's not a disease. It's treatable and manageable.
I have a general anxiety disorder and I cope perfectly fine with married life and work etc. I have lived with my wife for 8 years now. It's exhausting to hide anxiety, especially the physical symptoms and yeah sometimes it gets a bit much to handle and you breakdown, everyone has their limit. People say take medication, but the side effects are just as horrendous as dealing with the anxiety itself - it's a no win scenario. It's a very difficult illness to manage and it grinds you down but it is manageable when your learn your triggers / what works for you. My wife has been very supportive and I couldn't imagine being where I am now without her and I get that sometimes I can be a royal pain, nothing like going into a shopping centre and being fine for 20 mins only to come close to a full panic attack trigger by absolutely nothing at all..
All I can say is that if your happy in the relationship don't like an anxiety blip shadow your decision. It's only a blip and won't be the forever life. Things will return back to normal eventually..
AD45065 thomas96833
Posted
jmcg2014 AD45065
Posted
It depends on the condition. Things like bipolar tend to need medication, but for general anxiety and depression there is no absolute need for meds, therapy is there. Therapy is a good idea with or without meds, but yes it can and does work every bit as well or better than meds. It's a choice that's all. Therapy will help ensure things getting better in the future, it helps resolve issues, meds can't do that.