He never loved me!
Posted , 4 users are following.
Background info partner/ ex has been diagnosed with PTSd/ anxiety and depression/OCD ( he gets a different diagnosis from different doctors). we have been together 10 years and have a daughter together.
Ever since I met my partner he has always had mental health issues, which i believe stems from the very sudden death of his father.
The last 10 years of our lives have been a rollercoaster to say the least ! He has lost and fell out with family members, lost jobs,friends abd now me.
Last month he told me ( on my birthday) hes never loved me,its been a lie (all pretend). Ever since then I have been a mess and told myself its the depression talking and have just kept out of his way sleeping in spare room ( we work opposite shifts so this had been quite easy along with his endless amounts of sleeping) .
So fast forward to tonight -i got a message on my phone of a picture of a flat share -saying this is where he's going still persistent that i am to blame for his mental health, he doesn't love me and that we are better off apart.
Now i am fully aware of what people think ( ive spoke to my mum,friends but they are all on my side).
is his something that happens with his illness or is he actually telling the truth?' He does this plays mind games on me bit this is a pretty big one to play! ?!
Feel like I'm being punished when all I did was love him
0 likes, 6 replies
sam18386 rachel29941
Posted
hi rachel, that's a lot to take on! he's ill, i am making no excuses for his rudeness but he is ill. that will be his excuse anyway. you look after you. i know and sense that you know and really care for him. you need to maybe leave him to stew, let him come to you. look to get him to see his doctor and see how you feel after some time without him.
rachel29941
Posted
He has been to see tge doctor,hes back on his meds for about 3 weeks-he thinks its a weakness taking them....he needs them!
Hes really upset me today telling me all these things - then in tge next breath asking me to do silly things for him like ordering a bloody pizza (sounds petty but this is what its come to -we are both in our late 30's) .
Breathing space is most defo needed im just worried that this breathing space will be forever
jan34534 rachel29941
Edited
when people have a lot of emotional issues to deal with, it’s very difficult if not impossible to be able to sustain a good relationship with somebody. It’s hard for him to be empathetic, considerate, and give what you need to give to others.
You can’t give away what you don’t have. and right now he is most likely feeling very empty and depressed.
It’s not your fault. he had these problems before he met you. you ask if what he told you is part of the illness or is he telling the truth. It could be both. Being depressed, it’s very difficult to have the feeling of being in love. That’s because there’s so much inner turmoil going on. That’s all he can focus on right now. And it is understandable.
Sounds like he needs some regular therapy with a counselor to help manage all of this.
Depression and anxiety are like a roller coaster and it can go on for a very long time, sometimes a lifetime.
But with therapy and possible medication, people can feel better and it can be a little more managed.
I would say at this point give him the space that he needs. he just can’t give right now. hopefully he can get some support .
im sorry this is going on for both of you and your child. Stay strong because your daughter needs you. Hopefully things will work out in the end, but if not you’re going to be OK! things always have a way of working out even if it doesn’t seem like that right now. Take care ❤
rachel29941
Posted
Thank you to you both for your replies,some lovely words of wisdom, very much appreciated.
Just finding the whole situation very overwhelming and extremely upsetting myself.
Our daughter says she just wants her funny Dad back -he has been ignoring her completely, she copes with it quite well but I worry it must be having some kind of effect on her.
jan34534 rachel29941
Posted
you can reassure your daughter that her dad‘s absence has absolutely nothing to do with her. Sometimes children feel like they did something wrong or it’s their fault and it’s important for them to know that it’s not!
she needs to know that it’s OK to feel sad or even mad. you can tell her that you know it’s hard and you know that she misses him. You can even say that you miss him a little also. Another thing is talk positively about her father.
she needs to know that you understand how she feels. Take care
rachel29941
Posted
thanks again for your reply. I always try my best to reassure her and we have always been very open about our feelings and i always make sure to ask her how she is feeling.
Little update on where we are now- he has just been to look at a flat and immediately called me to tell me where he is going,saying its for the best. He was hysterically crying saying i need to move on,he feels nothing,empty and whenever he sees me he sees the devil and cant even look at me or his daughter.
Hes very clearly struggling bit he just does not want my help, Ive been very calm and refused to tell him I think its for the best we separate ( he wants me to say it and keeps asking me to).
i just feel so lost at what to do,i really love him and want him to be happy but I just don't believe he doesnt want is anymore.
I asked him if 'the man' was back (the man is the voice he hears in his ears when hes going through this) -he said yes but would not tell me what he is saying.