Healing
Posted , 4 users are following.
I feel like I have a question I just can't seem to answer. I have been diagnosed with OCD and generalized anxiety and sometimes I do doubt there diagnosis. But for five months I've worked on them alongside a caring and consistent therapist. But Between googling and her I've read and know every symptom and way it works,
I've worried about being schizophrenic, many health conditions, dying, being bipolar and the list goes on over five months
And in that time with therapy I've implemented so many techniques that have helped me get through them all. they truly have but i feel like I'm at a point I just can't quite understand. Am I healing? How will I know?
I still have the ability to latch onto obsessions old and new and have anxiety attacks but it's much better. But I do feel changed. Like I'm still me but I sometimes can't recognize who I am or where I'm going.
I don't know how to describe it other than just confused. My anxiety has attacked my perception, religious beliefs, identity, sexual orientation, and even questions of reality and existence I've gone through agoraphobia, addiction, Depersonalization and Derealization I've been to ER's clinics and doctors
But still Ive worked through some of them and still are working through most of them
But here I am five months later in a weird place because I don't feel as I once did. My religion, sexuality, and existential beliefs don't feel strong and convicted like they once did. It's like it's been put in a blender and now I have to put the pieces together And I fear I won't be able to get them back. That I'll always be on this site asking and wondering.
I guess I'm asking once and for all
How do I stop questioning, worrying, how do I move on and feel love, trust it, how do I understand the universe around me again without fear my brain can't handle it, how do I rebuild myself after having been so broken before how does one put his identity back together when anxiety has played with it so hard
From fearing I wouldn't recognize my mom to having sexual intrusive thoughts about men which I never have had and now trying to move on afterwards and how that affects my view of my sexuality
How does a person just move on. I always hear about success stories about ppl who heal and takes time and move on but how do I do that after some of the questions, thoughts, and kings I've had to face I can't just pretend they didn't happen that makes me feel truly crazy
I mean it's been hell and I'm proud to still be here. But how do I move on. How do I stop wondering if I feel right, or if I'm me? I wanna move on. I'm proud to be a regular on here helping others and love this community and still want to do that but I don't wanna stay on here posting the same questions on the same forums as I admit I do way too much. So for once and for all can we have an open discussion as many ppl as possible not just for me but for all of us that want to get over the hump of healing Pure O OCD, OCD and anxiety and that "don't feel right" feeling it creates that keeps us in the cycle.
1 like, 2 replies
jemma83362 christophe65952
Posted
Hi christophe65952.
I also have been diagnosed with OCD& generalised anxiety disorder and have such severe panic attacks that I have had to stay in hospital for a couple of days after a few attacks. I know exactly how you feel (googling problems, reading the causes, panicking that I have it). I find it hard to change habits, and I fear the worst and when people say 'don't worry' i feel that all you can do is worry. Do you find that?
i have therapists, but I'm not sure how to 'heal' or whether I actually am healed. I hear so many famous people that have supposedly had the same things as us, but how have they managed to get there, like, how have they managed to conquer the feelings of confusion and things like that??
I also want to know actually how to not wanna commit suicide when things get too much (this is coming from someone who has attempted a couple of times).
I'm not trying to compare myself to you, but I'm trying to say that you're not the only one.
Also, how do you cope with your GAD & OCD?? Because I'm finding it very hard and have been for the last 2 yrs that I've been diagnosed with them.
christophe65952 jemma83362
Posted
First let me start off by thanking everyone who has replied so far including you Jemma. I so feel you. I remember my first week when I was diagnosed with GAD and my panic attacks were the biggest fear. I googled celebrities as well who had it wanting to see if it was possible to not only survive with this but live with it. Because that's the goal. Nobody wants to just "hang in there" we wanna live, love, and feel good. Like we use to like quote on quote normal ppl do.
I asked the same questions like how the f**k do they just go on about their lives. It's almost like you gotta pretend to get there.
And I've defiantly had days of being hopeless and thinking dooming thoughts like "I can't live like this and if I have to...."
Ppl say remember the good times for comfort like we're eighty years old or something
And after so long battling it's hard to remember anyway with memory being foggy and that person "before" feeling so different like two lifetimes or a completely different person.
But I think about all the things I would want to do if I wasn't under the hell of OCD and anxiety
I think about what if I did get past this what if I kept hanging in there long enough to find the truth to find that like other ppl who have healed have said eventually one of these days it's going to click and we will see ocd and anxiety for what it is
Deep down we both know OCD and anxiety are bulls**t. That's they are not true and anything they bring up is bulls**t. False fears that because of how are brains are set up we go into overdrive through mostly no fault of our own
We Keep chasing that "aha" moment that perfect answer that will solve everything and it's just a trick to keep us in the cycle. The answer is us.
But I cope by walking sometimes miles a day, getting outside more, new hobbies, music and writing (I'm a screen writer at least hopefully) I cope with family with therapy I cope by learning that I and you will out last this. We are not broken or unrepairable
Nothing has changed but our perception. We can change it back