Health anxiety after having a baby.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Could anyone help me please! I have been struggling with health anxiety since my youngest little boy was 5 weeks old I have two children the oldest is 8 and the youngest is now 2. I convince myself that I have all sorts of cancers and that my children are going to grow up having no mother and will never have any recalection of me.

I am so embarrassed and ashamed, no one knows how I am feeling and I get so angry at myself because I can't just "snap out of it". I have everything I want, my dream house a little cottage in the country, my dream job, two adorable children and I still feel like this. I literally feel like someone else sometimes and like my life is spiralling out of control. I've tried to get help from my doctors but she is awful, I have been to the doctors 4 times this year which may seem a lot to some but It actually takes all of my strength to get there in fact I cancel several appointments before I finally get there because I think it's going to be bad news. I went there the other day at my wites end with worry about hip pain, something I've been struggling with since having my little one and it's getting worse and for someone with health anxiety I am beside myself. I have told myself it's bone cancer and I'm dying. She got me to do a few things with my hip and then I burst into tears and said I was not coping very well and she dismissed me saying that I only had a 10 minute appointment and I would need to book another appointment to discuss this. If only she knew what it had taken for me to get myself to see her but also to even talk about it as literally no one knows. Also it's a two week waiting list at my doctors. I need to change doctors. I have currently got an itch to the back of my head- must be skin cancer, I have a pain in groin- cervical cancer, hip pain-bone cancer, pain under my arm pit breast cancer and throw in every now and then bowel cancer.

wish I could explain to myself why I feel like this, a few years ago I took my oldest boy when he was 2 round the world, oz, New Zealand, Thailand, Hong Kong, Florida. I would have got on a plane and flown anywhere. I was totally free spirited, happy, nothing got to me always there for others but most of all I was always positive and I know I'm none of these things now, it's literally taken over me and I feel completly lost a lot of the time. I would do anything to feel normal again and just have someone say that it's all going to be ok and believe it. It started off as anxiety but to be honest I think it's become so bad it's more like depression now. I've started believing that my children are better of without me because what kind of mother am I being if I feel like this. I love them so much I just want to give them the mum they deserve. I know at the moment I'm not that, I feel drained all the time and short tempered. Please is there anyone out there that could point me in the right direction. I want to get better for my children, me and my husband.

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  • Posted

    Hello jem ! Sorry to hear you are feeling awful .You said  that your youngest one it's two ? Maybe You suffer from postpartum depression

    For sure you should go and see doctor. But the one who has more time for you & is wiling to listen to your health complaints . 

    Hopefully you will be send to do some tests . But please don't think you are dying ok ? Becouse  you have an axiety you can feel strange symptoms . 

    For now stay optimistic . Go for walk with your kids , enjoy nature . 

    Also meditation would help you . Please , remember you are not alone !🌞

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  • Posted

    Focus on you. Love yourself first. You need to be whole to be able to all the things for everyone else you want to do. This is a disorder. It isnt something anyone wants. Dont blame yourself, dont bother hating yourself..none  of it. 

    learn about it. The internet can help be searching anxiety disorders, watch utube videos on it, pinterest is filled with stuff. Books galore on this tookc, podcasts, apps in your ohone or device galore. This is common. 25% of the world has an anxiety or anxiety related disorder. Science is working on figuring it out. Be patient. The body isnt stupid either only it likes to heal in a state of calm or when the body is happy..which is a bit of a challenge when your fight or flight is mal functioning. 

    **Best thing to do is get your hormones checked, get your blood checked and speak with your GP  and be very honest on what is going on,they hear it everyday and can guide you,

    you are their Mum and Love is a fantastic gift in and of it itself. Better then any trip or toy you can provide. So dont concern yourself with all that materialistic stuff at this time, you do what you can do while you are working on you.  Family yoga..kids as young as three can join this. Teaches breathing and its movement and fun. Dance around with them. arts and crafts and read to them. Believe me they will think you are the best! 

    Stay away from any form of Dr. google. You cant use it when you have an anxiety disorder because part of this disorder is seeking out danger and fear. So all youll do is find deadly diseases. Waste of time but will make you more fearful. 

    For yourself get those lovelies on a firm reasonable bedtime schedule if you havent already. Thats way you know you have time for you. You and the hubby..but you need you time. 

    Do not feel guilty this is not something you did. Its horrible and you need you more then ever before. 

     

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  • Posted

    First of all yr a great mum. How yr feeling is not yr fault. I've been there myself. The constant visit to the doctors in fact every week. They got so bored of me one shouted at me not to come back to him lol. Now I can't bring myself to back at all. The constant fear I'm going to be told that I'm dying.

    I'm tired and exhausted all the time and easily upset I thought my kids would grow up without me but my eldest is now 30.

    Remember if yr not happy with yr gp your entitled to a 2nd opinion and can ask to see anther gp in yr surgery . Try to stay strong learn some techniques to calm yrself downwhen u get the all clear from yr doctors except it and tell yrself yr thoughts are not real. It's yr ming playing tricks on you then move on to something more positive . Never feel ashamed

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  • Posted

    I am in the same boat.. Let me start with you are not a bad mom and they would NOT be better off without you! I know postpartum makes us feel like this, and it isn't fair, but your kids don't even notice how bad you're really struggling I'm sure..

    Mine started a year ago after my second son. It is postpartum anxiety, turned full blown health anxiety of my heart. I'm here everyday asking for reassurance that I'm not dying. It DOES get better, I promise.. The good news is that with postpartum, the chances of it going away are MUCH higher than just normal anxiety and depression issues.

    I dont want to get into too much on here, but if you need to talk to someone who completely understands, feel free to message me. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone that has this issue, I haven't found really anyone that has this postpartum issue on here and it drives me crazy!

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    • Posted

      Thank you everyone for your kind words. It brought tears to my eyes reading these messages. It's a new year and I've had a lovely Christmas with my family something I hope you all have managed to do. I have to get better and I desperately want to beat this awful condition once and for all. Definitely need to move Doctors I have a real dreaded feeling when I think I need to go and apart of it is I know I don't feel comfortable seeing my GP she doesn't put me at ease.

      I'm sorry that you feel the way I do it's so crap!! I hope I can get somewhere now I am determined to beat it.

      Xxxx

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    • Posted

      You need a new gp then.. Trust me if she doesn't put you at ease, your anxiety won't get better. One of the biggest things is finding a doctor that you trust and click with since you need to rely on them. Same thing with therapists, finding the right one is a must. (i shouldn't say your anxiety won't get better, but I mean you won't feel as relaxed and trusting when you're there so your anxiety will try to make you have doubts and you'll keep getting symptoms sometimes)

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