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Could anyone help me please! I have been struggling with health anxiety since my youngest little boy was 5 weeks old I have two children the oldest is 8 and the youngest is now 2. I convince myself that I have all sorts of cancers and that my children are going to grow up having no mother and will never have any recalection of me.
I am so embarrassed and ashamed, no one knows how I am feeling and I get so angry at myself because I can't just "snap out of it". I have everything I want, my dream house a little cottage in the country, my dream job, two adorable children and I still feel like this. I literally feel like someone else sometimes and like my life is spiralling out of control. I've tried to get help from my doctors but she is awful, I have been to the doctors 4 times this year which may seem a lot to some but It actually takes all of my strength to get there in fact I cancel several appointments before I finally get there because I think it's going to be bad news. I went there the other day at my wites end with worry about hip pain, something I've been struggling with since having my little one and it's getting worse and for someone with health anxiety I am beside myself. I have told myself it's bone cancer and I'm dying. She got me to do a few things with my hip and then I burst into tears and said I was not coping very well and she dismissed me saying that I only had a 10 minute appointment and I would need to book another appointment to discuss this. If only she knew what it had taken for me to get myself to see her but also to even talk about it as literally no one knows. Also it's a two week waiting list at my doctors. I need to change doctors. I have currently got an itch to the back of my head- must be skin cancer, I have a pain in groin- cervical cancer, hip pain-bone cancer, pain under my arm pit breast cancer and throw in every now and then bowel cancer.
wish I could explain to myself why I feel like this, a few years ago I took my oldest boy when he was 2 round the world, oz, New Zealand, Thailand, Hong Kong, Florida. I would have got on a plane and flown anywhere. I was totally free spirited, happy, nothing got to me always there for others but most of all I was always positive and I know I'm none of these things now, it's literally taken over me and I feel completly lost a lot of the time. I would do anything to feel normal again and just have someone say that it's all going to be ok and believe it. It started off as anxiety but to be honest I think it's become so bad it's more like depression now. I've started believing that my children are better of without me because what kind of mother am I being if I feel like this. I love them so much I just want to give them the mum they deserve. I know at the moment I'm not that, I feel drained all the time and short tempered. Please is there anyone out there that could point me in the right direction. I want to get better for my children, me and my husband.
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