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Hey, since last year I have struggled with different forms of anxiety disorders but the worst has to be my health anxiety. It all started from my first 'Panic attack' well that's what everyone says it to be but I seem to convince myself otherwise. Basically this is what happened... I remember being fine one minute but after walking up the stairs my chest felt weird, it's hard to explain but out of no where my heart rapidly sped up, it didn't gradually speed up either it was just all of a sudden. I have never felt my heart beat so fast before!? but at that moment I just lied on the floor holding my chest and all that was going through my mind was "I'm going to die" "I'm going to go into cardiac arrest" "Am I having a heart attack?" This was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Then all of a sudden it calmed down, but again it didn't just gradually calm down it felt as if my heart stopped for a second then it started beating normal straight after. I then lied down and was started shaking for about 20 minutes (obviously in fear). I think I was shook up for the whole night after. I did google it and Obviously loads of different things came up such as heart problems etc.. but the thing that came up was anxiety and panic attacks. Before this has happened I knew I struggled with some sort of anxiety because I was a bit of an anxious person before this anyway, with people and other stuff so I kinda just thought yeah there can't be anything wrong with me because I was only 16 at the time so I blew it off, but it was still constantly on my mind. Soon I started getting proper bad panic attacks, but this was different as my heart would beat fast but not like it did the first time, I would also ***** out, shake and get heart palpitations and more again I would feel like I am going to die, when it happened it was scary but when I googled it a lot of websites said anxiety attacks. I started getting these more often, it started of as weekly then became daily and this happened most of the summer and September of last year.
I avoided going to the doctors but I found these lumps in the side of my neck back in august and these started to grow and get bigger so I eventually in November went to see a doctor and I also mentioned about these 'panic attacks' at the time and she said that it did sound like panic attacks and diagnosed me with anxiety disorder. I had every blood test under the sun to see what these lumps where but they all came back fine and an ultrasound showed that these lumps are just my glands that are up and they have been up for a year now and no one knows why? Can anxiety cause this? but before this they misdiagnosed me a few times telling me that I had glandular fever and other stuff wrong with me but when I had blood tests done this showed that I didn't have anything wrong with me. The reason I am mentioning this because I do not trust my doctors much lmao.
All of the above is how it started but this is what I'm like now and I am just getting worse.
I can physically see my pulse move on my wrist, this was quite weird to me but since I have noticed this I constantly on a daily basis check my pulse, anywhere I can feel my pulse I check it, even when I'm out I'm constantly feeling my neck, my wrist or looking at my wrist, and I can say without a doubt I have done this several times a day for nearly a year and a half, sometimes my pulse is weaker then it should be, sometimes it's normal and other times my pulse is fast and its driving me INSANE.
I feel like I have a heart problem, I suffer from persistent chest pain nearly every day, the type of pain varies. Sometimes my heart feels very tight, other times there's a sharp pain. My chest has felt so tight before that I have been lying on my bed breaking down thinking I'm having a heart attack because I wouldn't be able to move. People would be like it's just a panic attack but this comes out of no where most of the time and doesn't feel like my normal panic attacks where I have loads of symptoms. Other times it wouldn't be this painful but I would still think there's something wrong with my heart. I also sometimes suffer from pain down the left side of my arm with it, which again convinces me there's something wrong.
I also suffer from heart palpitations sometimes, like I can feel a couple of my heart beats, or my heart speeds up for a couple seconds.
I get shortness of breath, a lot of the time I feel as if I'm struggling to breathe, which again is telling me that there is something not right. This usually comes with the chest pain etc but can sometimes occur on its own.
I have been to the doctors numerous of times about this, they have never sent me to a cardiologist before but I eventually got an ECG test done a couple months back, the results came back but i'm still not satisfied. I read online that ECG tests aren't very accurate as they only tests your heart for a few seconds, and my heart and chest felt normal okay when I was getting tested. I also get told a lot that I am too young to have a heart problem but I've also read about how young people my age or even younger have died from cardiac arrest due to heart disease even if they have had tests done. Some websites say certain tests don't show certain heart diseases as well so what if the doctors are missing something? I know I shouldn't google things but sometimes I can't help myself.
About once a month my heart rapidly speeds up all of a sudden (As I mentioned previously) this has happened before by sitting up, lying down, bending down, standing up and has happened when I've been running but can also happen out of no where, when it happens my heart feels like it stops then beats extremely fast and before it goes to normal my heart will feel like it's stopped for a second again.. its awful. I haven't mentioned this to the doctors yet but I intend on going tomorrow as it happened to me again last night when I bent down.. Has anyone ever experienced this before because this is what worries me the most.
Anyway I feel like I'm going to die young due to all of this, I didn't even think I was going to see my 18th birthday last month I feel that ill. I feel like I'm going to drop dead all the time, I feel like my heart is going to stop at anytime. Recently, I have been afraid to fall asleep this is because I am afraid I am not going to wake up. In addition to that, most nights as I am about to fall asleep my body like wakes itself up in shock as my heart feels like its stopped.
My heart is the main worry for me but it isn't the only one. A couple months ago I was on the bus on the way home and I felt really odd. Then all of a sudden it felt like I was coming out of my body, like I was still in my body but I couldn't feel myself properly, this was a scary experience. I think this is called depersonalization. I just don't feel normal anymore sometimes I feel detached from the world and that everything is pointless.
I convince myself that I have other health problems as well, a couple of times I have symptoms of a stroke before and I convinced myself that I have had a mini stroke before.
I get head aches sometimes too, have also convinced myself I have a brain tumour
I even thought I had ALS the other day, my arm has been twitching for about 5 days.
My throat feels dry and sometimes it feels like a lump is in there.
I feel like there is something wrong with my throat, I can't eat properly anymore as I find it difficult to swallow, my food feels like it gets stuck in my throat sometimes and need water to get it down but then it feels like I'm choking and then I end up bring both back up.
A lot of the time I feel lightheaded and dizzy, I ***** out a lot, I just don't feel myself anymore and haven't for a long time.
I have lost my life, I don't feel happy as I used to and sometimes I feel depressed. I just want to be my old self again
I'm sorry if this is really long and if I have repeated myself a lot there is just too many symptoms, I can't even remember them all as my head is a mess but can anxiety really make you feel this ill?
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