Health anxiety is destroying my life!
Posted , 3 users are following.
I'm new here so hello. I'm a 26 year old stay at home wife and writer. I've always had anxiety, probably since I was 4. I never noticed until the past year how often i obsessed and feared i have diseases. In the past my main fears and obsessions were around: IBS, Diabeties, Heart disease, breast cancer, brain tumors and hiv. I think this health anxiety probably started in 5th grade when I was suffering awful migraines and I was going to the hospital constantly. I had an MRI done to see if I had a tumor and luckily I was fine. But that is probably where it all began.
When im in the midsts of my obsession/addiction ( I truly think it's an addiction) I can waste hours on google scaring myself silly! I will feel disgusted that i cant stop and cry and have panic attacks thinking i have illnesses. Besides worrying about myself I worry about my husband. Last year he got mono and you know how awful it is to have it, and I was terrified I gave it to him when in fact i had no symptoms and then i worried i gave him hiv ( I don't have it but in the past a man touched me sexually we did not have sex, but i became obsessed with it) and it was that and not mono. I was a wreck. I was so stressed and scared everyday. As time goes on it gets less intense but just an hour ago i had a panic attack thinking i have diseases and i had to lay on the floor. Because of my health phobias I avoid reading about diseases, i am terrified to go in public places because what if i touch blood? a needle? its becoming so bad i've become a hermit in my home. I'm waiting until my insurance becomes official so i can get therapy. I want help so bad. I can't keep living like this 
please give me advice and share your story with me
0 likes, 8 replies
anne87689
Posted
I want to add, I was volunteering at a animal shelter last month and i saw a kitten feeder on the counter ( not a needle but the syringes that look like needles) and i panicked and never went back. I'm ashamed to admit that
I was obsessing for days whether or not i touched it and if it was a needle or not. A history of mental illness runs in my family. My mom was bipolar and my brother and sister both have depression and anxiety too. I wish i could overcome this.
anne87689
Posted
another thing...I'm afraid i have brought all this anxiety upon myself. I used to wish for bad things to happen..when i was a kid i liked the idea of being insane in a hospital ( I was a kid so i understand why my thoughts were immature) but now i sometimes fear i brought it on myself! is it possible? did i cause this for myself? or is it just my anxiety speaking?
Miranda123 anne87689
Posted
It sounds like you have OCD like tenancies as well as anxiety. The fear of needles, blood, obsessive thoughts about your health, the health of loved ones and having to leave a situation then ruminate about whether or not a particular thing happened. That's OCD. I have suffered with it in the past. Usually once the underlying anxiety is taken away from your thoughts and feelings everything else follows and you will feel back to your old self. Can you get any access to any CBT? Also, self help books are good. I recommend one called Brain Lock. You need to rewire your brain and change the way you are thinking and googling your symptoms is the worst thing you can do. Be strong and remember that a thought is only a thought and they cannot hurt you
anne87689 Miranda123
Posted
Thank you for taking the time to reply!
I was wondering if i had OCD but I didn't want to assume I did and be wrong. Did CBT help you? you said you suffered in the past. Thank you. I want to add, i deleted google on my phone two days ago! I am not allowing myself to google diseases. I'm on my husbands laptop and i know better than to google crazy stuff because i don't want him being upset with me.
anne87689 Miranda123
Posted
I'll for sure look into that book. I'm currently waiting for my insurance to be finalized ( they told me Oct.1) I know wait times for shrinks can be weeks. In the past it was 3 months until i could get into an appointment.
Miranda123 anne87689
Posted
You're welcome! Yes sounds like OCD to me. I suffered with 'harm ocd' where i was flooded with horrible violent intrusive thoughts. It does help to educate yourself on OCD as so many people think its just washing your hands loads but its so much more than that. You will probably read about it and relate to loads of it and realise what they are explaining is exactly what is going on in your head - it was a huge light bulb moment for me because all i knew about was anxiety so i put it down to that but i related to the symptoms of OCD almost exactly. Brain Lock teaches you steps to deal with the thoughts you get, taking away the fear that fuels them and learn to just let unwanted thoughts go without dwelling on them. Rest assured though, you are very much not alone!
anne87689 Miranda123
Posted
I should have added that I had intrusive thoughts really bad last year! like you, they were violent and also sexual. They distressed me so much i felt like i was going crazy. I have become a bit obsessive about germs. Not so much that i wont touch anything but if im at a store i bring antibacterial wipes and wipe things before i touch them. I'm so paranoid of getting sick. I never had access to help when i was younger but i want to now so i can live finally. Thanks so much, i look forward to that book.
gino78308 anne87689
Posted
Hi Anne wow I can relate to every thing you our saying in my case I hit the jack pot every thing I was afraid 😳 of came true heart disease lung disease and much much more funny do when I was told what I have it did not freak me out it's like I was expecting it sounds crazy 😜 but true now I just have to deal with it and it's day to day