Health anxiety putting my life on hold. I NEED ADVICE
Posted , 5 users are following.
This is the story of my recently developed health anxiety, and I am posting in hopes that others can relate or give me any advice. I December of last year (2020) I was having chest pains and shortness of breath that were worrying me. I went to the ER the day after my 19th birthday thinking that I was having a heart attack. I had no Idea what else it could be, and googling my symptoms only made things worse. After an EKG came back clear (although the hospital staff was very rude and refused to do any bloodwork while I was there) I was somewhat reassured but still worried. The next month, January 2021, I returned to campus from winter break. Now, keep in mind that Before break I had spent an entire semester on campus and was completely fine, no chest pain or anxiety whatsoever. As soon as my mother left to leave and fly home I began having panic attacks. I had at least one panic attack almost every day for a week until we decided it would be best for me to move off campus for the remainder of the year.
The transition of moving to all online classes and the constant conflict between staying or going home was very stressful, but in the end I made the right decision because my mental state only ended up getting worse. I was still having the chest pains through all of this so I went to the cardiologist for a full cardio workup, and everything came back completely fine. It was at this point that we were starting to believe that the cause of my symptoms was anxiety. From here on out I began noticing different new symptoms, as well as periods where my mental state plummeted for weeks and I would have frequent panic attacks almost every day. I was mentally convincing myself that there was no way I could be feeling so terrible without something being wrong physically. This lead to me believing I was constantly about to have a stroke and later on a brain tumor. I am still suffering with both of these ideas, as I have had panic attacks about them twice within the past 5 days.
Overall what's worrying me is just a general off feeling. I am currently going to therapy and have been informed that some of my symptoms are actually me dissociating. But I have been having headaches and am constantly worrying that the left side of my body is less coordinated than the right. This has led to me constantly moving or wiggling my left arm or leg and constantly checking in the mirror that I can move both sides of my face.
The thought that is constantly causing me worry is how sudden all of this was. Before December I have never had severe anxiety issues and was rarely worried about my health or having a terminal illness, but it was like a switch was flipped in less than a week. This has been extremely worrying for me because it is the driving thought behind the fear that I have a brain tumor. Dr Google lists that anxiety and depression can be symptoms of such a tumor, but provides no other clarification. So naturally, my brain has pinned my sudden onset health anxiety on the idea that I might have Brain cancer.
I am desperately in need of some tips or reassurance because all of these negative feelings have really put my life on hold. I am going into my sophomore year of college and I have not had a single in-person class. I have tons of free time, yet I never go anywhere because I'm constantly afraid that I will have a medical emergency in public and not be able to get to a hospital in time. My mom says I should get back to work, but im so nervous about having a bad day while at work that I have not yet gone back. At this point I'm not even completely sure I will be able to return to campus in august.
0 likes, 7 replies
nicole0003 michela28390
Posted
can you inbox me because i tried to message you but it wont let me
michela28390 nicole0003
Posted
you could just respond here in the comments, I check the forum pretty often so I will see whatever you say pretty quickly.
jan34534 michela28390
Edited
sorry you are going through this. It sounds like fear has taken control as well as negative thoughts. When I read that you have had a complete physical check ups which were normal, it reminded me of what I’ve been going through for years. I finally realized that there’s nothing physically wrong with me but the power of fear got a grip on me and it was miserable!
The first thing you have to do is be self aware. Be aware that fear has a hold on you. And fear along with it negative thoughts are NOT based on reality! They are pure emotion which is not fact based .
if anxiety and depression or symptoms of a brain tumor then about 3/4 of the people on earth would have brain tumors! Anxiety and depression is so unbelievably common! You are taking one symptom and attaching it to a serious illness.
this is the type of thinking that you need help with to get it under control. I would suggest that you speak with a counselor who can help you manage all of this. It’s very difficult to try to do on your own. I have a online virtual appointment with a counselor once a week and I look forward to it!
please take a step back and consider what I have written here. Fear stands for false evidence appearing real! You are most likely a very healthy young man who is just caught up in health anxiety and fear. You’re going to be OK but get that support! Take care
michela28390 jan34534
Edited
Thank you, even just reading through your comment made me feel alittle bit better. I have been seeing a counselor since last week and I think it's really going to help.
macy61303 michela28390
Edited
Hi there!
My name is Macy and I'm going into my 2nd year of college as well. Your post literally made me cry because I relate so closely to it and it's so relieving to not feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I don't see many other people our age struggle with this and it's like everyone else is living their college years to the fullest but we can't. Inbox me if you want to talk more because I know that I'd love to have someone who can relate ❤️
michela28390 macy61303
Posted
aww im so sorry my post made you cry. I do agree that not many people our age go through the same thing, and it definitely helps when you know you are not alone. I also agree with the statement about college, I see people posting at concerts and things and all I think about is how I would have loved that but with my current mental state I would probably get overwhelmed. I wish there were stories of people who went through the same thing and figured a way to get better or to get out of that mental state.
vanessavee michela28390
Posted
I know where you're at---almost exactly, in fact. The past year and a half have seen me convinced that I have breast cancer, a blood clot, MS, a brain tumor, a stroke...
Health anxiety is nothing short of a hellscape. One minute you want to tell yourself it's nothing. The next, you're certain that if you ignore it, it will be your certain doom.
That bit about staring in the mirror. Wow. I'm right here with you. I've been to the ER as well. I've have brain MRIs. It helps provide some reassurance for certain, but the ugly truth about health anxiety is it never feels satisfied. I'm sorry you're going through this, too.
So what next? It seems obvious, but talking to someone helps. For me, it led to a PTSD diagnosis caused by the pandemic, which many psychologists are moving to classify as a trauma event.
Forgive yourself for your tough moments. Stay off of Dr. Google (this is something I need to keep reminding myself as well). Try and fill your days with things like chats with friends to fun shows. For me, staying focused on something else can be sometimes beneficial.
The crazy part is, as you said, this overtakes your life suddenly. But undoing it is a marathon.
Take heart that you are not alone. It is extremely likely that what you're feeling is anxiety---something, again, that I remind myself.
I hope you feel better soon!