hearing voices please help

Hi,

I would really appreciate your help if you understand this technology. ?

I don't know if what happened to me is because of this, but I can't find anything else...

To explain why this is happening to me, I have to start at the very beginning.

I'm from an area of very low crime rate and I did something bad when I was very young and I reckon I'm being punished for it.... It's a really long story but basicly my father used to treat me like s**t (and still does), one of the main reasons was, I couldn't stay awake, I'd fall asleep anywhere, once when driving a tractor - lucky escape. Found out 10 years later, I had narcolepsy and cataplexy. I used to have to go working with him as an electrician and I couldn't cope with the long days. Also my dad was under a lot of pressure ( he was caught for tax). Both my parents were tough, but he used to mock me alot and it really hurt my feelings even though I'd been to the doctor load's of times and they didn't know what was wrong - my iron was low was usually the answer. Basicly one morning I was having an argument with Mom, Dad came in the door, he lashed out at me and I started crying, he then sent me into school like that, I went to the bathroom for a while and then went to class, the teacher kept asking me questions and I ended up bursting out crying in class and I ran out to the bathroom - I had very little friends because of this. I tried explaining what happened to a couple of the students in my class and a few of them stated telling people that I made it up and that I am a crybaby. The 2 that said that I made it up, my father does work for their parents, surprise, surprise. Time went on and basically I was in class one day, the teacher was saying that you have to work hard to get a well paid job etc, and I basicly gave my point of view and stated that money isn't everything - I mean I grow up in a family with above average wealth, go on holidays etc and my family is far from happy, as my parents NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING - which was true, literally every night I went to bed they would fight, and dad especially would take his temper out on me. Dad found out what I said (he done electrical work for the school, so he knew everyone). Dad bate me up for that and told me not to tell people about my family, I had bruses along my hands and stuff. Me being me, I went back into school and I showed the class the bruses, and pointed out that the other 2 students said I made it up that my dad bate me,( the bruses were proof). Long story short, dad found out again- and yes he bate me up again. Same thing, it didn't shut me up ( my dad being self employed has a reputation to maintain so he would do his best to cover up what was happening - we are the "perfect" family). After telling the class the story and showing them my bruses, one of the students in the class, said "why don't you shoot him?". I was 14. I thought about it. the class said nothing. The teacher was a new teacher, she said nothing and just continued class. In my eyes I kinda thought they agreed with him.

My mom's way of covering up for all the fighting was by telling me that we were going to loose the house we live in etc, telling me all these stories about people that owe dad money and how dad is too chicken to go after it. She would start crying sometimes and tell me all these stories about dad. I started to despise my father. I later found out that all those stories were made up or over exaggerated.

Why?

My mom took a set on me because I told people what was happening in my house, and her way of getting back at me, was by telling me made up stories and then getting her friends to get there children to tell people that I MADE IT UP if I talked about those stories. It was her way of punishing me for talking about my family. I know, it's crazy- but unfortunately it's true.

I was at home one day out in the yard, I heard my mom screaming ( mom and dad were fighting), I flipped, ran upstairs into dad's office, loaded up the gun (he never locked the gun away) came downstairs, came in the back door of the house and held the gun up to his face. My mother was on the ground when I came in the door, and it appeared that dad had been beating her. Dad backed slowly out the door and ran. I fired a shot out the door of the house. But the thing is, the gun was a shotgun not a rifle- meaning even though I didn't have the gun directly pointed at a him, I came very close to hitting him. I then went back into school and told everybody myself what had happened.

I found out years later that my parents had staged that beating of my mother, I had never seen him do it before or again. Why you ask?

As messed up as it sounds, it was so I'd go into school, tell everyone, and my mom's friends, kids would say I made it up. I make up everything- my dad didn't beat me- I made it up, my parents don't fight all the time- I made it up, my dad didn't beat up my mother- I made it up.

I Became known as THE BOY WHO TRIED TO KILL HIS FATHER and the thing was I used to tell everybody myself, I used to say how I sorted him out for beating me and my mother- and treating us badly.

My parents never sent me to jail for what I done, or gave me up for foster care, but instead they done something far worse to me, and I'M STILL SUFFERING - 10 YEARS ON.

Nobody ever talked to me about what happened or passed comments on what I did. But instead the TEACHERS USED TO TREAT ME LIKE S**T. It was easy to do because I used to fall asleep in class all the time (narcolepsy). I started to cop onto what they were doing (not really knowing why - thought they were just a**holes), and I then made my second biggest mistake- I took out my phone and secretly recorded what they were saying to me, I done this to two of my teachers (one of them is now principle of the school) and I basicly treatened to SUE them for what they were doing to me....

But surprise, surprise, my recordings got deleted before I ever managed to do this. I also later found out that the other students were bulling me too, they continued doing what my mother was doing to me - which was feeding me bulls**t stories ( and branding me as a BULLS**TTER), so simple but had extreme consequences, as every story I know about anyone was more than likely made up or overexagarted, thus having an effect on having VERY LITTLE FRIENDS - this continued into my collage years and it was so FUNNY TO PEOPLE, that they never told me the truth and so many people joined in. In reality I didn't have any real friends

As a result I have been extremely misrible for half of my life, I find it difficult to make friends, relationships, family would go on holidays ever year without me and not treat me very nice, every job I had in my area, I wasn't treated very good and honestly every day I'd wake up and stare into space and think, what's the point in continuing my life? But surprising enough I never tried taking my own life.

I went to collage, was pushed to do general nursing by my parents, and I was severely bullied out of it. Two years of it, being treated like s**t, ontop of having narcolepsy and cataplexy undiagnosed plus needing my tonsils out - I was sick once every 2 months for 2 years of collage - while doing 12/13 hour shifts for nursing placement. I was bullied out of it, as they couldn't have an attempted murder doing nursing even though I passed the police vetting, have never ever being in trouble with the law whatsoever, they should have brought me up for disciplinary action but surprise, surprise they decided to do it the bulling way. My auntie told me it's punishment for trying to kill my father, and basicly that any course I go for they are going to destroy it. I asked her for a second chance and she started sniggering at me.

This true story is alot longer than this ( as my community done alot worse things to me). It would take a long time to explain the full story.

I thought my life couldn't get worse- it did.

As I said, every job I went for, I wasn't treated very nice, basically I ended up in hospital for depression. I was only in there 3 days - but I thought I was in there 3 weeks?? I was let back out, all the time from when I was admitted until now I STARTED HEARING VOICES. It was horrendious. The voices varied to about 20 plus amount of people, the volume would go up and down all the time, it would get so bad I'd end up on the floor, crying like mad and holding my head....

The voices would be telling me all the bad things people had done to me throughout my life... a couple of weeks after being let out of hospital, it was near Christmas time, I was after being DRUGGED on a night out in my local town -(its happened a couple of times to me) a group of people made up of my cousins and other local people started asking me questions and stuff... I was in tears and said, "why are you doing this to me?" and my cousin replied "BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY". I'd get so confused because of what they were doing to me, I wasn't eating right, sleeping right, I was a mess. I can barely explain all the things they were doing to me... My whole community knows that they were making my life unbareable... but I suppose people think that I deserved it after what I tried to do to my father nealy 10 years ago.. It didn't matter how much I appoligised or what I said, my people are unforgiving...

Why didn't I leave? that's complicated...

I needed to save up money before I left the country, as I need money for my medication (narcolepsy) last time I went 3 days without my meds and I got withdrawal symptoms... collapsed, got 7 stitches on my head... I have no qualifications or I can't drive (narcolepsy), can't really do any sitting down jobs, and have no contacts for jobs either...and I was depressed so I just continued with my life... a couple of months after being discharged from hospital, my dad just one day said basicly, that's it your going back into hospital, he pined me to the ground outside with the help of my brother, and my brother put his foot on my head... ( that image upsets me so much, because that's how little my family thinks of me),my mother rang the police (or gaurds as they are called in Ireland), they came, saw my brother and father and what they were doing to me, put me in the squad car and re- admitted me into hospital, where I spent over 3 months inside there. One time a patient who had been give me stares and stuff got out of bed and punshed me in the face and I was covered in BLOOD.

My life is just one misery after another.

I remember some of the things that were ringing inside my head, as I typed them into my phone as they were being said.

But these are only the more recent ones- this only accounts for about 10% of what the voices have said to me.

I always said that I wanted to go to Australia, somewhere far, far away and never come back. but I wanted to qualify at something first- but that's never going to happen.

the voices in my head told me that they will follow me to Australia.

"keep you here to teach you that you are a worthless waste of space"

"this is a syndicate of people involved in trying to make you take your own unforgiving misrible life"

(I never even hear of the word, syndicate before)

"you will never have a normal life and knowone cares"

"your family will contine to smear you unless someone puts a stop to them"

(I think there might be a Facebook page set up, to have my name, carrer etc tarnished) (you can make pages and stop certain people from viewing them - closed Facebook pages - where you have to be invited into the group to join and view the content)

"live the rest of your misrible unforgiving life"

"we hate you and we want you dead"

"with these voices ringing in your head we want you dead"

"We want you to know that we are unforgiving and evil"

"you can run and you can f*****g hide but we will find you"

"if you contact a priest this whole thing will start over again"

"Your never ever going to achieve"

"life is going to get thougher for you Paul Sullivan"

"Your family has scarred you beyond repair, deal with it or take your own life"

"Were going to keep on doing this until you delete your identity or take your life"

"We want you to delete your identity"

"Take your own f*****g life"

"confess to everything and tell them it was a lie"

"and if you can't live with that take your own f*****g misrible life"

"we want you to know that we don't give a s**t"

"you are a worthless piece of s**t"

"Live with that or take your own life

We don't care"

"you are a murder Paul sullivan"

(this is one of the main things that is repeated over and over again)

"your life is going to be miserable for the rest of your days"

"it's best you just forget everything that ever happened to you Paaaaaul sullivaaaan"

"if u can't deal with it go for a swim and don't come back"

"we will turn the f*****g voices back on"

(the voices tend to come and go)

"we don't want you to get help we want you to suffer"

"these voices aren't going to help you Paaaaaul sulllivaaan"

"it will all become clear soon Paul Sullivan"

(spoken quietly) "swim, swim away, until you can't f*****g swim any more, and your lungs begins to fill with water, and you gasp, gasping for breath, and you start to sink to the bottom"

(this was the most upsetting thing ever said to me) (I used to tell people how I felt and told them that I had thought about suicide before, I'd get asked how would I do it, and I'd reply "sometimes I just want to swim, swim far, far away, and keep on swimming until I can't swim any more- swim away from all my problems, and what was happening to me in my life) I even had one person say to me "why don't you take your own life?" that's how little I ment to the people in my community, for something I done as a child.

"you are a sex predator Paul sullivaaaan"

"if you return to ireland we will have you locked up for the rest of your life"

"life has been difficult for you, hasn't it?"

"do hotel work, well easily find you Paaaaaul sulllivaaan"

THE QUESTION IS, HOW MUCH DOES ONE PERSON DESERVE TO SUFFER?

I was SIGNED IN 16TH MARCH 2018 into University Hospital, PENARTH, WALES. it's near CARDIFF, as this was where I was taken from.

UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT, I CAN BE HELD HERE FOR UP TO 6 MONTHS.

After already spending 3 MONTHS IN IRELAND.

How is this fair or justifiable? My family has the contacts and the money to have me signed in anywhere. When I'm released from here it will probably happen again to me... that's why I'm posting this as I'm afraid there going to do it again to me.

Allowing this to happen is saying that you are in support for allowing to TAKE THE LAW INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. Thus leading to corruption, and it's not that they just sign me in and that's it, they play tricks on me too, it's difficult to explain and trying to explain it just makes me out to be some kind of mental health case- which is exactly what my family wants. I've been in Wales since halfway through January, stayed in a hostel, had my bank card with all the money in it stolen, I rang bank and had new card come to the hostel- it never came, surprise, surprise. I used what was left on the other card, and then I ran out and became HOMELESS. yes homeless. And I know that my family had something to do with that. My mother had my passport and wouldn't give it to me and without that I couldn't apply for a job ( I had planned to stay in the hostel long enough for it to be delivered there) also my car went missing with all my stuff in it- laptop, clothes etc. I have nothing, then my MEDS RAN OUT, rang my local doc for a prescription, he wouldn't send it- the doctors here said they needed his permission. i went to the police about my meds problem and they said that the police can't force doctors to prescribe medication. I started to collapse without my meds, my mother found me and signed me into a homeless shelter type house called the CRISIS UNIT, spent time there, had no choice because no money, couldn't get a job, and needed my meds and was then signed from there into where I am now.

I also went through the apps on my phone and found there was TRACKING APPS installed.....

I JUST WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AND TO BE LEFT ALONE.

I would really appreciate your help.

P.S. Paul sullivan isn't my real name, I didn't want to put that out there on the internet.

Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

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