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Heartbroken

Posted , 6 users are following.

jam1903
jam1903

I am a 58 y.o. female and contracted herpes about 12 years ago.  I had been married for 20 years, divorced for about 3 years and had a relationship with a guy I met a Christian singles group.  We had "safe"sex - used condoms and within a month I had my first breakout.  I was devastated.  I went on from there and had another relationship with a guy that was very understanding and kind about it.  We dated for a couple years. 

After that relationship ended I think it really hit me because I just haven't had the courage to date again.  

A guy recently asked me out - and at my age, that does not happen often.  He's nice.  I met him at work.  We've gone out a couple of times and I really like him and he "said" he really liked me and is looking forward to possibly a longterm relationship.  I decided I needed to let him know up front that I have Herpes.  Wow - was that hard to do!!   I wanted to cry.  His face when I told him.  It was awful.  He was very kind about it and said he needs to do some research on it.

He called me today to ask if he could have caught it by kissing me as he has grandchildren and doesn't want to expose them to it.  I cried. 

I found this website and loved it.  I just felt like I needed to vent.  I have noone to talk to about this.  I have a feeling that he will decide not to continue the relationship and that hurts - a lot.  But the worst thing is that I don't know if I'll have the courage to date again - ever.  He was the first guy I've been out with in six years. 

Whoever reads this - I'm sorry for all the whining - but it feels good to let it out. 

0 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken jam1903

    Posted

    Don't say sorry for whining, you are not whining.. So sorry you're dealing w this, I understand completely. Do you have any idea if you have HSV 1 or 2 on your genitals?

    I can provide more info from there. I highly recommend googling H Opportunity. It had pamphlets you can download and send to your friend that has all the statistics. He likely had oral herpes at his age, so he needs to go get checked.

    • jam1903
      jam1903 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thanks for the kind words.  I believe I have HSV 2.  I'm seeing my GYN tomorrow and will clarify that with him then.  I'll also google H Opportunity as you suggested.  Thanks again!!! Helps so much to have someone to chat with about it.  smile
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken jam1903

      Posted

      OK, did you find the document on that site w the statistics of transmission? If not lemme know and I'll post them here.

      Hsv 2 rarely is contracted through oral sex and is only 1% of oral herpes cases, so don't stress that too much... He has nothing to worry about. Your hsv 2 on your genitals is not going to travel to yours or his mouth. That website does encourage H- partner to go on the site and educate themselves too. The moderators have had heroes for 15-30yrs and are very versed and work w one of the leading clinics specializing in herpes.

  • nikki1230
    nikki1230 jam1903

    Posted

    We've all most likely been in your shoes. I know I have. The sad thing about this condition is that IT IS SO COMMON! People don't realize that at some point in time they have most likely been exposed to some strain of it. I almost think the name of this condition is the worst part of it. I was asked out once and I'm upfront about my condition. He was ok with it but then text me the next day and said he wouldn't want to pursue anything with me. It hurt but I let it go because I know the RIGHT man will accept me for everything I am. Honestly, I found peace on a dating site called Positive Singles. smile
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken nikki1230

      Posted

      I tried that site and guys just wanna hook up and most won't post pics. I took mine down after I saw someone I am friends w.. Lol
    • jam1903
      jam1903 nikki1230

      Posted

      Nikki1230 - I like your attitude.  smile   Thanks for your response.  Very encouraging. 
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken nikki1230

      Posted

      Yup, I was reading a report of a study done and they have found that 40% of the people autopsies were done on, found latent hsv 2 in the sacral ganglia and only 5% of those had a history of prior knowledge and diagnosis of hsv 2. That is how many people are running around w it.
  • YankieDoodle
    YankieDoodle jam1903

    Posted

    You'll have to let us know how it turns out.  

    I am 52 and got HSV over 30 years ago.  I don't know if it was denial or ignorance, but I didn't even realize I had it until several years after I got married. (mid-20's)

    Recently (like 3 weeks ago) I became single after 29 years of marriage.  I am petrified of entering the dating scene again.  Right now -- men and sex are the furthest thing from my mind -- but I'm guessing time will pass and my feelings will change.  I hope to have an attitude like nikki1230 and just tell them up front and see how it goes. F*-'em if they can't handle it.

    I do like to point out that I was married 17 years before I actually went in to get my HSV test.  My husband had never had an outbreak, but I figured he was an asymptomatic carrier.  At around 24 years of marriage, he went in for a blood test spectifically for HSV, and it came out negative.  

    I mentioned this to the first doctor I've ever had that seemed to have a clue, and she said he probably has a really strong immune system.  She said that just because he's exposed to the virus, doesn't mean he's going to contract it.

    Anyway -- I of course think everyone who is HSV positive should let a prospective partner know, I also like to let people know that just because they have sex with someone who is positive, it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to get it.

    • jam1903
      jam1903 YankieDoodle

      Posted

      Currently I'm going to see my GYN to clarify some things.  I've not been dating for over six years since my last relationship when I found out that I have Herpes. The info online has me worried a little bit.  The guy I'm dating is still talking to me and is waiting to learn more about it.  At least he hasn't just given up and walked away yet.  I'll keep you posted. 
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken jam1903

      Posted

      Be careful, even doctors are highly ignorant on the topic. They are taught the basics back from old school thinking. An infectious disease doctor is the best route.
  • Ravenschild
    Ravenschild jam1903

    Posted

    I am the same, i am 60 and divorced after 33 years, in a great relationship now relationship now for 8 years and almost positive I am HSV 2 sad..waiting for confirmation..it is the pits. i have had 2 episodes in 3 months after 10years of being almost symptom free. We all have to try and be strong. Iam so glad i found this forum i have been feeling so low. cry
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken Ravenschild

      Posted

      I'm confused... So you think you had hsv 2 for all those years and just now having obs? Why do you think it didn't come from your current partner?
    • Ravenschild
      Ravenschild feelbroken

      Posted

      I had a few ob during the time I was married but didn't know what it was. They were a few years apart. It is only recently i made the conection by researching on the internet Mainly because the recent ones occurred within a couple of months.
    • Ravenschild
      Ravenschild feelbroken

      Posted

      I reckon he was asymptomatic because he was not the type to stray..too much hassle..but he had a couple of suspect relationships in the era of free love lol
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