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Hello again- it's been a while but not too much has changed

Posted , 4 users are following.

sadie_dee70150
sadie_dee70150

Hi everyone,

It's been a really long time since on logged on here & posted a discussion. Some of you might remember me. I am a weekend drinker. I drink some alcohol in secret & then drink a couple of drinks with my husband him believing that is all I've had. I have been secretly drinking for about 18 years starting in a toxic relationship with my ex boyfriend of 7 years. I continued this pattern with my current relationship even though I am happier in this relationship. I drink on Saturdays & maybe Sundays but abstain for the reset of the week & in the last few months the amount I drink has decreased to a 200ml of vodka & 2 bottles of Coors light. The bit that kills me is the secret drinking I am utterly ashamed of this but yet every weekend I do it again.

Since being on here I have had another child. I have an 8 year old & now an 8 month baby. I did not drink during my pregnancies that is an absolute no no for me. I love my children & life is good & I believe I drink to just switch off at the end of the week as it's an ingrained habit. Before having my 2nd child I had 2 miscarriages which were devastating & I spent a year & a half trying to get pregnant which was a horrible time as I was so stressed & anxious about it. My husband didn't want to try again but he went along with it so after our daughter was born it was hard as he openly was saying that it was something he was nit happy about having a second child. He was stressed about not working & his career due to covid but in the last few months things are much better & he loves his daughter & has changed his way of thinking.

So here I am back again. I wake every Monday feeling guilty that I secretly drank the night before. On Tuesday I start thinking this is it!! I'm stopping & I almost get a natural high from that thought imaging life with no dark secrets & foggy mornings. By Friday I'm looking forward to Saturday night cause its drinks time!! I feel better on one hand that I am drinking less & bad on the other because I secretly drink also. I battle with the thoughts of I'll just stop drinking at home & be a social drinker just cut that secret drinking out but can I? Everywhere I look it says that is not possible. I just go round & round. I want to be free so badly but I also want my weekly reward just for me.

Any thoughts are most welcome.

Thanks for reading

Sadie Dee x

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 sadie_dee70150

    Edited

    Hello Sadie Dee. Congratulations on your new baby! Congratulations on not drinking during the pregnancy. You are like me and a secret drinker and so deeply ashamed of it. Make a plan. If i had one more drink i would die and not see my children grow up. That is what i had in my mind and it worked 8 1/2 years ago which is when i stopped. Sorry. Got to go. Will write tomorrow

    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 Robin2015

      Posted

      wow Robin I'm just reading your reply now. I'm on day 2 of not drinking. I managed 60 a while ago, maybe 30 before that. I feel determined but scared I'll fail.

      Hope you are well

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      Hello Sadie Dee, great to hear from you. Keep sober and think of drinking as a poison like i do. One more will kill me and i will not see my twins growing up. 13 years old and doing extremely well in school and both very ambitious. Think of your family. You can do it!!

    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 Robin2015

      Edited

      Thanks for your reply Robin. You seem to be doing great. Well done not drinking. 13 year old twins ! You must be very proud they are doing well & full of ambition.

      I have been a member of Soberistas a website helping people especially women kick the booze. I have to say its a wonderful site & helps me so much.

      I want to do this for my family but I have learnt i really need to do it for me also. Wasting time drinking & hangovers is not a way to live. x

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      Thanks for your kind reply. You are certainly doing well and I strongly believe that you can kick the habit and live a great life with your family.

  • healthy06102
    healthy06102 sadie_dee70150

    Edited

    Hey, hope you are doing well.

    Light drinking is not bad but if you are drinking heavily for even one or two nights a week, it is harmful for your health. I really appreciate the way you quit drinking during your pregnancy days. If you really want to quit drinking, then understand the long run benefits of not having alcohol and find a new favourite drink for yourself.

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