Help

Hi, I read your message and i really feel for you, some of the things you mentioned I have also survived. You have a lot going on in your head I am sure apart from drinking. Do you mind me asking how much you drink, how often?  I have had eating disorders in the past and last year was drinking a bottle of vodka most days in some sort of horrible belief that it made me feel better, it took away that feeling if even for a moment.... at this point i had a weight of under six stone, very depressed and suffering anxiety.

However in reality drinking made what was already bad bad time, a million times worse.My depression was worse and pretty much i couldnt bear to see my face in the mirror, all i seen was saddness and guilt etc Me and my family suffered in so many ways.

Year later I am sober and I know i have been given a second chance at life.

You have made a brilliant step today being honest about how things are for you . Around a year ago this forum made some big differences to my life. People to talk to, no judgement etc I dont know how much you drink right now or if you really think you can not stop etc, either way you have a lot on your mind but from today on maybe things can change just a little. The people on this forum are amazing and you can say how you feel, honestly no one will judge you. Only try to help in their own way. Life can get better. Ill look out for your reply if you want to chat, take care 

Sharon said it all. I cannot add more since she is closer to what you have been through that I am. Today is new day 😁

Dear bikerjools,

I know the feeling of what you are going through. i have been there and it is absolutely horrific. It took me a while to realise that all these symptoms were interlinked. Alcohol has been my Achilles heel all my life. I found so many justifications for drinking and my habits. The self-loathing is what caused the depression and anxiety in me. Loss of appetite goes with that and the fact that you really rather would drink. 

I read two things that helped me a lot.

One: Make one small change every week and after a year you have made a huge difference to your life. That one works wonders.

Two: We spend so much time grooming ourselves. Imagine you could see your liver every day would you not want to make sure that it looks good and healthy. Our liver is way more important than what our face looks like. 

I might not be of much help to you, but I hope these small tips are somewhat useful.

Also, when I sit in from of the TV and drink my wine, I take notes. Just random notes. Thoughts that come in my mind. Acceptance of myself at this stage, but also whom I really want to be and how to get there in small steps. Yes, I had many failures on my own promises to myself, but I am going forward, albeit slow some times.

My notes have lists, like

of the healthy things I like to eat

of the seeds I want to plant in my garden

of the chores that need doing in my house

of the people I need to avoid

of the people I need to respect more

I also watch a lot of YouTube channels. The first two weeks on Naltrexone I watched AlcoholMasteryTV the whole time while I was drinking in hope that some of it get stuck in my sub-conscience.    

I am holding thumbs for you.

Cheers

CK

Still struggling really want to try and cut down but wake up each morning with that same feeling of guilt and self hatred. In fact I just feel bad that I have woken up at all ,the constant battle against the anorexia etc is exhausting so tired of it all and feel so alone