HELP! Depression + Bipola

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Hi all. Please can some one offer some guidance this is quite urgent.

We have a 21 yr old daughter whom has suffered from Depression for some years and we believe 100% she is suffering from Bipolar. She has had counseling but it’s not really helped her, infact I feel it’s gone the other way...

She is making rash decisions which don't make any sense.

Her latest decision after hearing an American radio show where I young lad chats from his bedroom, albeit it quite weird, she has befriended this lad and is making/ made plans to go see him in a place called Maine USA. She has no idea what she is going to do, no idea of how she is going to live, hoping that this young lad is going to keep her I feel.

My wife and I are at wits end, its not that we don't want her to go or indeed do anything with her life, but she just insists on telling lies even though we know they are not true.

Is there anything we can do to stop her from making this foolish plan of hers? My wife is shaking tearful and not very well at all, so not only am I worried about my daughter I am also worried about my wife... What can I do..

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  • Posted

    Anthony

    All I can say is I used to be a nurse and have worked with bi polar patients the symptoms you describe are classic may I suggest you have a word with a gp or a mental health professional your daughter would be a very easy target to all kinds of people Weido,s and god knows who else? It sounds as if she's having an episode and her passport should be removed to stop her going, if nessasary she may have to be sectioned it sounds harsh but you would be stopping her from maybe getting into the clutches of some nut who could hurt her or worse sorry if I'm being blunt but it's clear you love your daughter by helping her and stop her from possibly being killed good luck maria

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  • Posted

    Hi Anthony,

    has your daughter had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder? I know that diagnoses are sometimes missed but I f she's had counselling and treatment for some years that's less likely. I understand your concerns but they may be unnecessary. Your daughter is 21 now, and an adult. This plan sounds a little off the wall but It could be much worse. Maine is hardly Syria, and it's better for her to be a bit wild now and get it out of her system while she's young. Sometimes with depression, making serious life plans is the hardest thing to do, because depression can make you feel very trapped, and the pressure of living up to other people's expectations can become very hard to bear. I'm afraid that lying also comes with depression because of those same expectations. The pressure of life, career, future, family etc is very very hard to bear when you are already living with the stress of depression which makes you feel as though you are disappointing everyone, and sometimes getting away is the only answer. She'll figure it out, and the best thing you can do for her might be to ease off a bit, wish her well on her adventure and let her know you'll always be there to help her if she gets stuck. It could do her a lot of good. Perhaps you could find out a little bit more about the guy she's going to meet first? You could try getting her sectioned if you really think it's necessary but it would do a lot of damage to your relationship with her if it's not, and would always be on her record and something she has to disclose on insurance forms etc. She wouldn't thank you for that. Youre both clearly very worried but it sounds as though you're expecting the worst from this trip. People meet on the internet all the time now. I met someone who flew all the way from Australia to meet me. We had a lovely time, no-one got killed. I've lived with depression for 25 years and even moved house on a spur of the moment decision, and it was fine. As for your wife, it sounds as though she could also do with a visit to her GP, to help with her stress levels. Diazepam is excellent in the short term. I hope very much that you are not telling your daughter that she's making her mother ill; that would be extremely counterproductive. Even if it's true, it would put more pressure on your daughter and make her more likely to do something dangerous. You never know, if you show support for your daughters idea she might change her mind. At least if she doesn't you'll be able to make it as safe as possible for her. 

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  • Posted

    Hello Anthony,

    this is a worrying time for you and your wife but please try to handle your daughter carefully so no lasting damge results.  You could try asking her to introduce you to this friend online,  be with her when she is talking to him,  I am sure she will see sense in that and be pleased you are showing an interest,  the friend may agree to this and be happy to chat with you if it is genuine, if he is not there is a good chance he may just end it all or if he keeps trying to chat with her after refusing to talk with you your daughter may see through him and realise he is not really to be trusted.   

    If your daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar could you ask for help from the social services, someone to chat with her about going away from home at this time,  how is she going to live, who is going to pay for her meds etc.   

    I think a non confrontal approach would be best,  don't let the friend be the support she goes to.    Does she have any friends near home that she listens to and that you are able to talk to -  maybe set up a group type of discussion to get her to listen and talk everything through in a relaxed way,  over a supper maybe, any way that will keep her in a happy but reasonable state of mind so that she can talk this all out and see any possible problems and see you and your wife as having her best interests at heart whilst giving her support and not outright stopping her from living her life.  Show her online how expensive medication can be in the states if she is taking any type of meds,   try to get all the practical issuses she needs to deal with talked about - does she have money for the fare over there even...........     talk,  as friends and try to include the online friend if he is genuine.

    Warmest regards ......    and best wishes ...

    Jessie x

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  • Posted

    Thank you all so very much, for the in-depth replies, we have read your comments and found them all understandable and very constructive. It would be hard for us to reply to each and every question put to us, but will follow some of your ideas which as said very constructive.. 21 yrs of age or not, we have to protect our daughter, her pass port has been removed until we get some anwers that we vcan agree on....

    This latest event is one of a few, only last year she made a decision to go and live with some one she had met online, didn't want to know us, My wife, son and I were all the enemy, there was nothing we could do except tell her when she needed us we would be there, in a short time she was back home. We gave her support and thought we were getting along well.. Her back ground and attitude has left her with NO friends, my families have passed away and my wife’s family  just do not show any interest, so it’s left to us.

    She was severely bullied in School and at College, to the point i had to intervene providing the college with screen shots of verbal abuse, we met with the college whom told us they would address this issue. two days later our daughter was told she needed counseling the other people involved in the bulling were just spoken too, aloud to carry on in there activities, my daughter felt she was getting punished as we did too. She has had a few boyfriends but did not last, one of her most recent ones failed, we had to pick her up from the hospital because (according to our daughter) collapsed, after weeks of thoughts we think she may have been drugged and raped or possible physically abused. She just will not speak about it.  We feel that this was a turning point for her as she became quite verbally aggressive and very opinionated towards others, and therefore lost friendships.

    Our daughter has had some 11 sessions with a counselor but it seems that that has had no affect on her at all, we suggested anger management but the counselor tells her she doesn’t need it, suggested that she is not bipolar, however we do not agree.

    We are now at a stage where she will NOT communicate with us, each and every time we talk and ask her to join in or tells us what she wants , she just stares forward with no verbal exchange, she sheds no tears hardly any emotions with the  exception of anger.. She consistently lies to us all, her only safe keep is her mobile phone..

    We have two friends in the USA, one in TN the other in NC whom we have spoke to, both agree this is not a healthy relationship for her to go into, especially only knowing this lad for a very few weeks.

    Come Monday we will be making contact with our GP, hopefully he will call our daughter in and may be do some tests, she is a danger to her self, not enough to be sanctioned.

    We as parents have hoped we have done everything we can now and in the past, but some where our daughter has got lost.

    We are not pretending to be the best parents, who is, its all a learning curve for us all. However we do feel we have supported on children all the time with no exceptions, treated them both the same, helped where we can and listened when we had to, but this latest events is just so painful, its day after day and with Christmas on the arising its going to be sad time for all, but our daughter see’s no problem, she does not except that we are all suffering.

    My wife will most certainly need help as she has experienced an physical abuse from her father and all this is coming back to her, she cries each and every night. It may sound very biased but she is the most caring lady you would meet, always there for every one and cannot understand why she is treated in such away…

    Sorry for the lengthy reply. Thank you once more for the replies which have been noted.

         Kindest regards to you all..

     

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    • Posted

      I really feel for you both as stated before I used to be a nurse so have worked with bipolar patients

      I had to give up my career as 3 men grabbed me threw me in a van and kept me for 4 nights and 5 days had it not been for an elderly lady walking her dog I would not be here now, her dog had never slipped his lead but this particular day he did I was held in a grotty lock up handcuffed to a homemade cross what those pigs did to me almost killed me this poor lady heard me crying and thought it was a cat so rang the r.s.p.c.a they broke in and found me I was in hospital for 12wks and 4days then I had to learn to talk walk and everything we take for granted I was in rehab for 18 months at the time I was married to a soldier and when the police went round they asked him if I'd ever gone missing before he said no!!! The police were horrified but my ex was a drunken bully who I stayed with for my sons sake,

      To cut a long story short I am now disabled I have short term memory problems amongst all the other damage they did to me but my counsellor said you decide do you want to live? If so I can help you if not I know you won't make it, well I had my son who was only 4yrs old at the time and I swore these pigs would never ever put me down, I still have vivid nightmares so bad that my carer has to wake me up plus these pigs left lasting scars on my arm, when I wouldn't do what they wanted they carved their names into my arm as well as shattering my shoulder.

      I went to court they got 18 months because they were illegal immagrants I couldn't get anything from the criminal compensation because they were illegal, it was on the news, the reason I am telling you is like your daughter I shut it out and refused to talk about it, if anyone tried to get me to talk I'd shout scream and throw stuff.

      It sounds as if your daughter has a lot of problems and you obviously love her very much, if she's seeing a counsellor who she trusts try and tell them your fears and maybe they may be able to get her to talk about it, if she was drugged as I was she maybe getting flashbacks that she can't understand try to be patient and I hope and pray your daughter gets the help she so desperately needs take care maria

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    • Posted

      My dear Maria.

      I am so sorry to hear of your events, as a male i am fuming with people that simply take advantage of females in this way, mostly for there own gratifcation and not caring one little bit for those they attack...

      We are very worried about our daughter she has acted strange  all weekend, so much so i had to disable the internet as she was using it constanly, her life was buried in making comunication with this lad in the USA. I have made intensive searchs online this morning about symtoms of Bipolar, our daughters fits each and everyone. I have an appointment to see the doctor to talk to him about the situation, i know he has to respect patient data protection, but i am hoping he will call her in for some checks. My wife and i have never ever been so scared, my wife is a buddle of nerves, she her self had a 2lb tumor removed some 3 years ago, 7 years agoi i had open heart surgery, niether of us are at an old age, but we are aging quickly by the day....

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you well for the future. God Bless...

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  • Posted

    UPDATE.

    My daughter recently finished a 12 week one to one counselling and has now awaiting anger management, which could take 6mths +... I used the online NHS symtom test on Bipola and our daughter fits into almost all the questions. With this i decided to phone our local GP  surgery to ask if she could be tested, i was asked why i thought she had Bipola, i explained all the issues we have had with our daughter, that i had used the NHS online test. His reply was that she did not have bipola and that not to take notice of the online testing. I also went on to tell him that the previous doctor had said to our in person that she would arrange for her to have tests, but before this was put into place she left the surgery.

    I personally went in to see my own doctor about my own health, explained to him that if our daughter was not going to get the help, then my wife and I will suffer in turn this would effect our healths. He offered me more tablets to releive the anxiety. I have never known the health system to be so unhelpful. It seems its all about saving money and we the public whom have paid into the system all our lives are pushed to one side. DAM, I am fed up.

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