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Help for life ruining anxiety

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Guest

Im twenty and I've been suffering from crippling anxiety for almost two years now, I feel like I've tried everything. It started when I started uni, I had physical anxiety symptoms like light head and stomach churning during a seminar, which left my mind panicking and forced me to leave. I put it down to me being ill as it was just after freshers, but then it happened in every single lecture or seminar I attended after that but ended up turning into minor panic attacks, also had me running out of classes as I felt like I needed the toilet. After a few weeks I stopped attending classes as it was getting worse, and went to the doctors. They put me on 10mg of propranolol which did not help at all, in fact these seemed to make me panic more. Over the course of a month or two anxiety overtook every aspect of my life, I struggled to be in the company of big groups of people, go to the shop, go to restaurants and any classes were just a big no go. Over the few months I went to the doctors several times, most of the time I just broke down crying. I wasn’t given any counselling or any real support, I was just put on trazodone. The worst incident was when my dad picked me up from uni to take me home for a weekend, but he was in his work van and had a work mate in there with him. After about 45 minutes of me panicking silently I begged for him to stop at a service station as I felt like I needed the toilet badly (due to the stomach churning). I ended up having a panic attack in the toilets, and then refused to leave and get back in the van with my dad because I was panicking about needing the toilet but his work mate being in there. My mum then had to drive to the service station to collect me, which is a two hour drive there and back. I had barricaded myself into a toilet cubicle for roughly four hours whilst I waited, panicking the entire time. After this I was on a constant downward spiral, the only thing I could do without anxiety was go for walks, as I felt in control. I remained at uni until March the next year, however I hadn't attended a single class since November. I only ever went out on a night time, and I would have to drink large amounts of vodka to feel comfortable enough. After too long of ignoring the inevitable I called my mum and she came and collected me and I moved back home. I had planned on being well enough to return to uni in september that year, but after 5 months of seeing a shoddy therapist and being on several different meds, I was even worse than before. I HAD started to get better, I was going out regularly, seeing friends, and I even went back to stay with my old uni friends for a weekend and spent hours in the busy city centre with friends and by myself. But soon after that I started getting worse, not leaving the house and not speaking to friends. I was only seeing people on nights out, where I'd have to drink at least a bottle of vodka before going out. Cutting a very long story short, it's now july of the following year and I am the worst I've ever been. I cannot even go for walks anymore as I panic straight away. I've been on trazodone, citalopram, sertraline and now mirtazapine. I've seen CBT therapists, counsellors, a clinical psychiatrist and even a hypnotherapist, yet I'm getting worse. I exercise in the mornings but that doesn't help, I've tried mindfulness, self hypnosis, I changed to a totally healthy diet and started drinking green tea constantly but no life style chance has had any effect. I spend most days inside alone, feeling constant anxiety and I'm severely depressed, all I do is cry. Nobody I speak to genuinely understands how it feels to have your life taken over by anxiety, I feel embarrassed having to tell people about it, I’m even missing my own dads wedding because I can’t travel far (I panic in cars). I would just like to speak to someone who genuinely understands, and maybe get some help and advice on what I can do/try next, as I am at a complete dead end. Please, any advice you may have I’d love to hear it. 

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • heather52246
    heather52246 Guest

    Posted

    Am going through this daily also ever since December every time a think am getting better it comes back I've went on holiday and 2 days now am a nervous wreck for absolutely nothing they've had me on sertraline but it made everything much worse been off them 6 weeks had good and bad days but it just never goes completly away if a have to go anywhere or do anything it comes on worse my stomach is just constantly churning even now for no reason and that feeling like you just want cry and something bad is gonna happen like fear... understand what your going through it's debilitating! I attend cbt and sometimes I even find this hard as talking about my anxiety gives me anxiety a just want to be normal again sad

    • edwina97301
      edwina97301 heather52246

      Posted

      Hi. Replying a lot, but I really relate to everyone's posts. Hope your meds are starting to work, know it seems to take forever, leaving you questioning them. I also get that stomach churning for no reason, heart racing, thoughts racing, I know now it will pass but it is awful not knowing why it starts for no great reason. I know talking about anxiety makes you anxious , but we just want something to take it away it's so frustrating, hopefully your meds will start to work fully and help you push forward, are you doing couciling/ cbt? Can help, some people aware by relaxation and meditation, l know everything seems hopeless at times but there are a lot of people out here who cope with anxiety who've been we're you are, keep posting, try to focus on the positive feedback, there is help and there is hope??

    • Guest
      Guest heather52246

      Posted

      Thank you so much for replying. I completely know how you feel, and sertraline made me really ill and made me loads worse too. I struggle to get the most out of CBT because I have intense anxiety just going to a session and talking about everything to someone, I get an overwhelming feeling of needing to leave. The worst thing about anxiety is it goes away and gives you a glimmer of hope, then it comes back ten times worse. All I seem to ever say is I want to be normal again, but other people don't understand and just say 'you are normal you're just ill' but they don't get that you feel in no way normal sad x

    • heather52246
      heather52246 Guest

      Posted

      Yes I say this all the time also a just want to be normal and live my life again with no anxiety... am going home today and hoping when I get home am able to get rid of this constant anxiety am hoping it's just worse cause am away and am no stuck like this again as that's when a had to see doctor and they put me on sertraline but a refuse now to go on anything after that experience a just don't know what else to do it's like you suffer daily... used to be my stomach that churned but for some reason all my anxiety is in my chest area it's like burning and fear and just weird discomfort feeling which makes me worry and think something wrong with my heart so I make it worse Worrying

  • edwina97301
    edwina97301 Guest

    Posted

    Em. So sorry, you've really been through it. You remind me of me at your age. So sad, locking ourselves away,drinking bottles of vodka to get Dutch courage to get out. I soon developed a real drink problem, I don't think much about that part of my life as it seems a lifetime away, but it was how I tried to cope until things got out of hand. When I broke down at doctors I started to get help. It's been a long haul, trying everything to cope with panic, anxiety , and at first just being able to get out and socialise. I used to only go out if it was dark or raining . I relate to all you said , it makes me so sad ,lots of people posting are so young. 20 years on , please believe with support from family, friends ,and g.p, etc you can manage this and have a better quality of life. I still have anxiety but over years learn to cope and know it will pass, it's horrible and scary but people here can reasure you and have lots of experience of how to manage anxiety. Try everything sujested , different things work for different people, but don't give in, always here, talk anytime. Try and talk to family, friends people can be more supportive than we think, I was scared people would tell me to pull myself together but they have been very supportive. Hang in there??

    • Guest
      Guest edwina97301

      Posted

      Thank you so much, that really made me smile smile

      I've managed to stop drinking totally now, as I was starting to get very ill because of the amount I was drinking, and it led me to make some very bad decisions which affected my mental state a lot when I sobered up. At first I felt like doctors could help, but after so long I gave up. I saw a doctor last week who said other than medication there is 'nothing more he could do for me' because of lack of services in our area. I do have amazing support from my family and boyfriend, but unfortunately I've lost most of my friends because of it. I'll continue to fight it, but sometimes I just feel so drained and exhausted, and today I really needed to vent it all out and to just have someone to say that they understand, so thank you. I'll do what you say and try and fight it, and hopefully one day I'll be in your position and will be able to handle the anxiety and be able to live my life again x

    • edwina97301
      edwina97301 Guest

      Posted

      Talk anytime, when you write it's like I'm writing it. My drinking got so out of hand I would black out and lose whole days. At the time I just wanted the days to pass quickly but my health was affected really badly also with the amount I drank. That feeling of just seeing a glimmer of light( one step forward, two back ) is so frustrating. My mum used to have to sleep over some nights as I had what I call washing machine head , I could not stop negative thoughts, my hubby is great but admits he can't fully understand how anxiety makes you so ill as he is so laid back and worries about nothing. I have told him I worry if I'm not worrying as I think I have missed something I should be worrying about. Anyway it's been a long haul. Please keep talking here for reasurance, wish I had someone I could have vented at who understood, be positive( know it's hard) 😊??

    • Guest
      Guest edwina97301

      Posted

      I'm sorry to hear about your drinking, I can really relate to that, but it's great that you're past that now. It is frustrating, and sometimes makes you feel worse and I find myself getting so angry. I've had nights like that, I used to think I was going insane, there was a few occasions where I had to sleep on a flat mates floor because I needed someone there. I'm really lucky as my boyfriend is very understanding and supportive. He has minor social anxiety himself and does suffer with depression, so he can totally understand, but sometimes it's not enough as you just want someone whose been in the same situation to chat to. Thank you so much, it really is nice to just vent to someone who gets it, and it does help when trying to be positive 😌??

    • edwina97301
      edwina97301 Guest

      Posted

      Talk anytime you need to vent, I've been there, don't worry, ur not alone, hope you get to a much better place . I still have anxiety but now have help, support, and the assurance I'm not going crazy😊??

    • Guest
      Guest edwina97301

      Posted

      Thanks so much, you've really put a smile on my face 😌X

  • Daisy96
    Daisy96 Guest

    Posted

    hey there girl i just wanted to say which other people havent really said is the fact that you have tried basically everything that can make anxiety and panic attacks easier to live with and still cant leave the house i would reccoment seeing someone for something more serious like the issue where people cant leave there homes and of course its all linked but there may be different help groups or medication for this kind of serious form of it cos some people stay in there house for years at a time and you dont want that so while you can still leave sometimes i would see or lookfor another forum that maybe relates to that ! good luck babe i know its horrible i am slap bang in the middle of recovery myself just remember you arent alone and fear cant kill you only scare you! you can beat this x
    • Guest
      Guest Daisy96

      Posted

      Hey Daisy, I think I'm going to start looking into more serious forms of help now, and I'll try find a forum that relates to that also smile

      Thanks so much for the kind words it means a lot, I hope I can get to where you're at in terms of recovery ?? X

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