Help!! Forgotten how to live!!

Posted , 9 users are following.

Hi not really sure where to begin but here goes

I'm nearly 40 divorced single mum of 2 girls 22 and 17 (17 year old lives with me) I've been ill for 12 years I think I've recently moved and I will be honest I'm in a rut got very depressed wouldn't go out see anyone etc I'd just cry all day (poor dd) I'm happy to say I'm better now but I really don't know what to do with my days I can not work still get days in bed or sofa, I don't know if it's because of the depression but I've forgotten what to do with myself. I'm starting to feel a little bit like a human but I can not for life of me get motivated and distracted I just stay in my pj's and watch TV. How do I motivate myself into a routine and what do i do? I feel and I know its silly but I feel I need a time table eg

9.00 am get dressed

10.00 am wash dishes

11.cup of tea

12.rest

13.1

14.2

15.3 etc

But what else do I do I really don't remember how to live????

Thanks for reading

Rhian xx

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    eventhough i feel terrible i find having a routine really helps. i manage to get out of the house by 2.30 pm ( feel awful before that time ) do my errands come home rest then do a walk then dinner around 6pm .

    i know its a very dull life but its all i can manage . and yes fully understand ... if i do manage to go out with friends i feel weird .. as ive been mainly homenow for going on 11 months mostly alone .

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  • Posted

    i have an autoimmune condition that has many symptoms similar to chronic fatigue syndrome and for awhile i thought it was the end of my life (and some days i still do) but what i tell myself every single day is dont give up. i will force myself to get up and shower even if the pain is there. i usually feel a bit better (if not just mentally) after doing so. then i try to tidy up my home even by doing just something small so i feel a sense of some kind of accomplishment. i think the key is to 1) keep moving and 2) set some small goals; and 3) do a little something each day so you can say you have accomplished something. lack of purpose for me was a big thing. i didnt like having to quit my job and go on disability. i had two children and needed to work but couldnt. for a long time with my illness i mourned the loss of my life and six years later now i am at the point where i have accepted that im most likely not ever going to feel 100% or even 80% better...so i have to learn to cope. i did go on effexor extended release which i feel has helped me a little but im not suffering from clinical depression...but rather situational depression and i do realize that in order for me to feel a little better i had to change my mindset and accept my illness because it has not gone away magically. i understand very well how each of you feels so always reach out for motivation and i will be happy to be there for you!

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    • Posted

      gosh thats awful but yes i read once before that acceptance is the key . i have accepted my new mundane life and am very slowly seeing improvement but its really slow ..

      i too try to do household chores .. just a bit everyday but nothing like i used to whereby i would spend all day cleaning .

      heres hoping a full recovery is soon i have ebv and mono and didnt show any other viruses.

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  • Posted

    hi boxesgirl are you taking medication ?? the reason I ask is because I know someone who stopped medication and had the same symptom "couldn't think " or lack of complete thought. I hope this helps. xo

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    • Posted

      Hi ana85762 yes I'm taking my medication but I'm also cutting down some of my medication could I ask what medication your friend stopped taking? As it could be a symptom of withdrawal?? Not sure if that's the correct word to use. Thanks

      Rhian x x

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    • Posted

      hi I believe she was taking ssri and benzos even after stopping these medications the symptoms can take along time to heal. please never cold turkey if you decide to stop the medications.

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  • Posted

    hi im kinda same as you in that sense but i do is try get dressed if possible try have wash not always possible i know ive thought about online business perhaps ? or helpline helping people in different ways just throwing ideas out there as ive had this fibromyalgia and cfs for 5 years and its like im shell of who i use to be and doing everything to hardly being able to do simple things is a killer for me social life goes out the window got to find a idea maybe your good making things or using computers something you do perhaps online things in your time hope your having a better day i dont know what a good day is anymore main thing is finding a interest and being able to find way for you keep motivated give something other illness to focus on otherwise illness will be all you focus on most days hope that kinda made sense

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  • Posted

    Hi Boxesgirl,

    I think I'm a lot higher functioning than you but I have been struggling with fatigue for 5 years. I stay at home most days but I'm not bed-bound. I don't work a regular job but instead do freelance art over the internet. My husband is also ill and lost his engineer job. So running out of cash is a big motivator for me especially since I have 2 children. I earn very little money but it gives me a sense of purpose and gives me something to focus on. When you have that, it's much easier to stay in a routine because you can shape your routine around it. (for me anyway.) I know when I don't have a job to do I tend to slip in my routine and feel worse.

    I do struggle with depression as well. Hormones get me down 2 weeks out of every month like clockwork. During depression it's harder to find motivation but I do what I need to do because people are depending on me. But when the depression gets bad I do allow myself to take breaks and do something relaxing and enjoyable. (for me it's video games)

    I also find it helpful to have a hobby that I'm passionate about. One of my hobbies is aquariums. The animals and plants in my aquariums need my care and sometimes that alone gets me out of bed. Just sitting there looking at my fish and plants makes me feel happy. I could sit there for hours if I had the time. Is there anything you enjoy doing (excluding chores and cleaning) that you can explore further without draining your energy too much?

    All the best to you.

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  • Posted

    hi,

    Im sorry to hear you're struggling. I've been there myself where you seem to have to start again but not sure who you were before you got divorced or before cfs.

    Take your time, you're rushing to make everything perfect and right straight away but this can be so frustrating when you take one step forward and 3 steps back.

    Here are some tips i learnt and that i still do now on bad days:

    At the end of the day think of 3 positive things that happened, it could even be you held a door open for someone and they smiled and thanked you. Say these things out loud, smile and physically pat yourself on the back/shoulder/bum etc.

    Keep a book and when someone says something nice to you write it down and then reread it at the end of the week.

    Do one thing everyday that excites you.I used to make an egg sandwich on thursdays and got excited that i made it and enjoyed it.

    Activities that seems small to others celebrate as big things to you.

    i also have a timetable (really wish i could post it on here) the days are spaced out,it has everything from tidying to doing something i enjoy and of course meditation and rest. I found that i was so busy tidying everyday then crashing that i couldnt do anything else, ive embraced that my house may look untidy at times but thats just how it is for now.

    Dont beat yourself up if you cant do everything on the timetable its just there as a guideline, keep changing it until you find something that works for you.

    ive never been good at joining groups but find after a few weeks i settle in, even if its just for an hour, find an activity that works for you.

    (Sorry for the long post) But these are the tips that helped me and what i still use today. Be kind to yourself, you've got freedom to find things that work for you now.

    Good Luck

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