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I am new to this forum and this is indeed my first post. I am 30 years old and I have GAD (or so I am told). After numerous sessions with a private councillor costing me a fortune I am now due to start cbt through the NHS this coming Monday. Anxiety has only really been a major issue this past 9 months, or rather an issue which is have now chosen to address. I have two young daughters (4 & 2) and since they were born I have been a nervous wreck. First of all I was worried about cot death, once they were older than a year I began worrying about irrational things such as asteroid impacts. The 2012 prophecy got me in a right state. Once that had passed I was terrified world war 3 would break out over Syria and literally had a panic attack every time e a loud noise was heard. I would replace that Louise with a louder familiar noise. As I work on an oil refinery in accounts, loud noises are very common from steam valves etc so I came out of work on sick. My anxiety then shifted to my health, specifically my heart. While all this was happening I was going to gym at 05:30 every morning and I also ran Jane Tomlinson 10k for Charity. Due to this my doctor won't even entertain the thought I may have an issue with my heart and as such I have had varies trips to the emergency room where I have been wired up to ECG etc, I have had paramedics out who again thought they were responding to a heart attack call to find a time waster. I really am driving myself insane and wasting nhs resources. The aforementioned councilling has rooted the problem to the fact my dad had three heart attacks and I spent much time in and out of hospital visiting when I was growing up. Now my father was quite old when he had me (50) and I believe his heart attacks were post my birth. I do not know what his drinking or lifestyle was but my mother smoked like a chimney and ultimately my father died of a lung related illness.
Now to the actual question, I tend to drable so I apologise for this and thank you for your patience. Frustratingly, my anxiety had no physical symptoms unless I were having a panic attack. I googled symptoms and then seem to have brought other peoples on myself. I now suffer with chest pains, tingling racing heart muscle aches and it has me terrified to the point where I no longer go to the gym I case I have a fatal heart attack. The dr prescribed me Citalopram and I googled that, upon reading it was dangerous to the heart / changed heart rate I immediately stopped taken them (after around a week). He then switched me to Setraline but again similar ending, finally to lower my anxiety physical symptoms he prescribe propranolol but as this directly influences my heart I won't take them. I did consider it until I read that they are the only beta blocker to have anaphylactic shock possibility. I do want to take something as this is huge strain on my partner. She awakes to find me gone and when she calls is shocked to find that I am again at a&e. If I ain't I am walking the streets speaking to nhs direct for reassurance. Ultimately I am petrified my daughters have to endure what I did in so far as regular trips to hospital to visit dad.
Can anyone relate to this in any part or offer any advice as I really want to be better for my family. I am also struggling financially as I am of work on sick. I cannot return as I tried to do so before Christmas and my performance was brought into question.
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