Help I am going insane

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi all,

I am new to this forum and this is indeed my first post. I am 30 years old and I have GAD (or so I am told). After numerous sessions with a private councillor costing me a fortune I am now due to start cbt through the NHS this coming Monday. Anxiety has only really been a major issue this past 9 months, or rather an issue which is have now chosen to address. I have two young daughters (4 & 2) and since they were born I have been a nervous wreck. First of all I was worried about cot death, once they were older than a year I began worrying about irrational things such as asteroid impacts. The 2012 prophecy got me in a right state. Once that had passed I was terrified world war 3 would break out over Syria and literally had a panic attack every time e a loud noise was heard. I would replace that Louise with a louder familiar noise. As I work on an oil refinery in accounts, loud noises are very common from steam valves etc so I came out of work on sick. My anxiety then shifted to my health, specifically my heart. While all this was happening I was going to gym at 05:30 every morning and I also ran Jane Tomlinson 10k for Charity. Due to this my doctor won't even entertain the thought I may have an issue with my heart and as such I have had varies trips to the emergency room where I have been wired up to ECG etc, I have had paramedics out who again thought they were responding to a heart attack call to find a time waster. I really am driving myself insane and wasting nhs resources. The aforementioned councilling has rooted the problem to the fact my dad had three heart attacks and I spent much time in and out of hospital visiting when I was growing up. Now my father was quite old when he had me (50) and I believe his heart attacks were post my birth. I do not know what his drinking or lifestyle was but my mother smoked like a chimney and ultimately my father died of a lung related illness.

Now to the actual question, I tend to drable so I apologise for this and thank you for your patience. Frustratingly, my anxiety had no physical symptoms unless I were having a panic attack. I googled symptoms and then seem to have brought other peoples on myself. I now suffer with chest pains, tingling racing heart muscle aches and it has me terrified to the point where I no longer go to the gym I case I have a fatal heart attack. The dr prescribed me Citalopram and I googled that, upon reading it was dangerous to the heart / changed heart rate I immediately stopped taken them (after around a week). He then switched me to Setraline but again similar ending, finally to lower my anxiety physical symptoms he prescribe propranolol but as this directly influences my heart I won't take them. I did consider it until I read that they are the only beta blocker to have anaphylactic shock possibility. I do want to take something as this is huge strain on my partner. She awakes to find me gone and when she calls is shocked to find that I am again at a&e. If I ain't I am walking the streets speaking to nhs direct for reassurance. Ultimately I am petrified my daughters have to endure what I did in so far as regular trips to hospital to visit dad.

Can anyone relate to this in any part or offer any advice as I really want to be better for my family. I am also struggling financially as I am of work on sick. I cannot return as I tried to do so before Christmas and my performance was brought into question.

Many thanks

Nate,

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Nate,

    Hopefully CBT will start to help. Has your gp considered referring you for specialist mental health support, for example from your local community mental health team? We all know gps are stretched thinly and sometimes need a prod to use specialist services but actually it makes their job easier and will give you a higher level of support. My mum gave me good advice when I started citalopram. I am a healthcare professional and normally would read every bit of information about every drug. She said 'if you read everything and everything and expect all of the potential issues to affect you, you will never find anything to take. They have to tell you about stuff because it happened to X number of people, but don't mention all the people it doesn't ". Wise words indeed.

    Have you tried meditation and mindfulness? There are free apps available (excel at life are particularly good) and they help you deep breathe and over time manage your anxiety. It may be that you need to talk to your gp and discuss your fears re medications. Maybe they could reassure you to a point where along with sf help, cbt and a slow supported introduction to medication you can start on the road to recovery.

    Good luck and keep posting.

    :-D

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  • Posted

    Hi nathan

    Wow first of all breath!!!!

    You seriously need to relax!!!!

    All them things you just babbled are not going to happen

    Maybe a heart attack if you keep stressing like you are

    Then what would your babies do without you

    I was exactly the same as you about 8 wks ago

    I went through awful side effects for a week or so then all of a sudden it all clicks in

    I know you have to work but you must take one day at a time if you broke your leg you would have six weeks poff and rest

    Thats what you need to do!!

    The cits will kick in!!

    Just try to be positive dont let it beat you

    Keep strong

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  • Posted

    Hi Nate,

    I can sympathise with you completly, I have suffered the same irrational sort of thoughts, I couldn't let water in the shower on my face, or I had a panic attack among numerous other stuff similar to what you mentioned but please believe me Citalopram after 4 - 6 weeks for me have given me back my life, its tough at first as you are already suffering and its not a quick hit, it does take time for your body to adjust, I started on 10mg in Octobe and went to 20mg in December, and I am so glad I did it and persevered, as for 2 months I had looked up the internet and decided Cit was NOT for me, but it got so bad I thought well if it doesn't kill me I will be at least better than I am now, so took my first one and nothing happened to me, it was easier after that, I have had all the tests done for my heart too but its fine, just irrational thoughts caused by GAD, we know we are not thinking rationaly but there is nothing we can do to stop the bad feelings.

    so please take the Cit it will be so helpful, I am now so grateful for it as couldn't have went on much longer how I was feeling.

    Please join us on this website but under (Anyone NOT had any side effects on Citalopram?) you will get so much support on there from lots of people the same as yourself you are not alone.

    Take care stay strong

    Anne

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  • Posted

    The other thing that comes to mind is did you find your previous counselling made things worse? Sometimes the worst thing for an anxiety sufferer to do is dredge up stuff from the past which was buried because it gives you more to be anxious about. CBT should help you to learn coping strategies to deal with the here and now, not obsessing about past things you have no control of. Remember you are not your father, so don't expect your life to follow the same exact path as him. Your life is yours, his was his. While your experiences were stressful they are in the past and you have, as you say, your own family as an incentive but in the end it's time to get a bit selfish and focus on yourself for a while in order to get the man they love back.
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  • Posted

    Hi all,

    First of all thank you for all your posts offering advice and support. I read this at 08:45 and after your reassurance I took my first dose!

    I will answering sequence, my GP immediately placed me on citalopram but I refused to take them so he then said about councilling. NHS waiting lists in Hull are around 4 months so I went private. To answer your final post as well Diane, yes the initial weeks at councilling was terrible and I went off the rails. I don't ordinarily drink, certainly not to excess but for the first month or so I was plastered every single weekend. I found it really hard but came through it in the end. I was also living beyond my means, taking out loans to buy silly things for my girls that wasn't needed. I bought things like an led tv and blu Ray, iPad etc and my eldest was only 3! My councillor said I was over compensating because I grew up on the poverty line (due to mothers alcoholism and dads ill health ).

    Thanks Gill but that's half the problem, I worry about my heart then I worry that worrying is damaging my heart! It's dreadful. I have just been to Occupation Health on request of my employer and the dr there really helped. As above I took my first dose and it helped that I was there. So far I just feel very sick and my anxiety is a little high but I think that's purely because I was anxious about taking them. The dr at ohs said they have to list any possible side affect to stop people suing them. He said having a damaged heart from such a low dosage (20mg) is highly unlikely. So I will just persevere and see how it pans out , referring to this site frequently I imagine.

    Thank you Anne it's helpful and reassuring to know I am not alone and I am not beyond help. I read about a young woman who was a virgin and was worried she head pregnant! So I know how irrational peoples fears like mine can be. It's always worst case scenarios. Now I know my heart is okay I now spend my time reading how often I should have an ECG, what tests show heart issues so I know if the nhs tests are accurate etc but I am hopeful things will improve with cit, cbt and time.

    Thank you all once more

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  • Posted

    Well done Nate,

    If you want lots of support come over to the "anyone not had side effects on Citalopram". Don't be put off by the name, it seems to be where everyone has landed and there is loads of support from people at different stages on citalopram and it's a very positive place.

    :-D

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  • Posted

    Hi Nate,

    Thanks for sharing with us your thoughts and experiences. I know people who have had those seemingly "irrational" panic attacks, especially about getting a heart attack or other forms of illnesses. One of my best friends went through it and he was often rushing to the emergency room or calling his doctor. He started taking Zoloft and it helped him. (I am taking Celexa). All I'm trying to say is don't be too hard on yourself and with proper guidance and medication, you will feel better. Your symptoms and experiences are not unusual for all of us experiencing stressful moments in our lives or from depression. Keep on writing us here!

    DR

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  • Posted

    Hi Nathan,.

    About 12 years ago I had pretty similiar symptoms to yourself as a result of an extended period of extreme anxiety. Awful panic attacks (getting out of bed at 3 in the morning to walk the streets, not being able to get in a bus or car etc). I too had severe anxiety about having a heart attack. Couldnt watch any sort of hospital tv pogramme or advert etc which sounded like a beating heart. If anyone mentioned the word heart or talked about heart trouble I would have a panic attack, so I sympathise greatly with you.

    The problem is that when you are suffering extreme anxiety your body cannot cope with all the extra adrenaline rushing through your system and as a result you get symptoms that mimic heart problems (panic attacks) - however these are harmless despite feeling as if you are going to keel over at any minute and the worst that could happen is that you might faint. But I would urge you to please reconsider taking citalopram as these really worked for me and are great for stopping the anxiety and subsequently the panic attacks. At the same time it would be helpful to have cbt etc to help change the way you view life and think.

    Wishing you all the best

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