Help! I believe im going crazy?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Im 18 years of age, im male and i live in a very small community roughly 4000 people where i was born and raised. I have grown up in a very disfuntional,loving,hardworking family, my mothers a strong catholic and supports me 100% my Dads hands are ruffer than G60 sand paper hes worked all his life.

My childhood was great, through to highschool. I had heaps of friends growing up we where the popular ones, so i thought! My problem started at 5th form where i had no real idea on what i wanted to achieve or become in life, i felt extremely fustrated as everyone seemed to have a plan already.

Anyway managed to stick in school and i managed to sort me a job at the local Supermarket, thru too 7th form, during this time i had been thru 2 vehicles. Doing alot of bad things, drinking, smoking alot of weed 2-3 times a week.

As i graduated high school at the age of 17, my main friends moved out of town which didnt bother me at this time, after a great new years holiday my Father found me a job at a local plumbing & electricall company where i worked hard and felt i was mistreated alot of times and i was bullied alot of times but never reacted, things where falling apart but i kept my head down and managed to get an apprenticeship, i had great plans, buying a house owning my own business etc.

My time with this company i was smoking alot of weed after hours as i was feeling sh*t! I was drinking heavily 3 times a week also started going out of town to go clubbing nearly every w.e.

During my time i still managed to buy everything i ever wanted dirtbike/newtruck/all the toys xbox etc still did my paperwork aswell. After being in a bad car crash and having started smoking ciggerretes also i was feeling less and less motivated in my work. I lost my drivers licence and things started going down.

After my boss yelled at me and co-workers laughed at me i walked out! Trust me ive never liked my boss and alot of the co-workers aggreed unfair and abusive at times.

As i lay here i feel so lost i have no guidence on what to do with my life im never happy anymore my mates that i have here are fake and users and just talk!

I feel sick in the head, like everyones talking about me, when im in public all i can think of is people starring and saying things about me. I find it hard to look at people in the eye. I keep telling myself if i can get this peoce of paper in the bin the person likes me if not they don't like what the? My speech is terrible, i mumble and say bugger all! I want to just be happy but i feel suicidal. When i read something i get distracted with little scenarios playing in my head and loose wtf i just read, these scenerios are of me doing something extrodinary and impressing a girl or my mates, family. After everything i learnt at school i feel blank like i learnt nothing. Im always changing my mind constently, i even talk to myself all the time and look at myself in the mirror alot. Im so shy to tell anyone help.

2 likes, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    You do need to discuss this with a doctor and get medication
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  • Posted

    Hi Niko

    First of all well done from walking away from an abusive boss..NO-ONE deserves that sort of treatment..

    A couple fo things stick out here..

    !. Abusive boss

    2. Lost of friends

    3. bad car accident

    4. smoking weed

    So bottomline you have had a rough time and an negative atmosphere in work would knock anyone's confidence.. Your lost of frineds probably didn't effect you at the time because you where getting on in life..Now when you need them most your feeling the lost..

    A bad car accident is very traumatic and takes a time to getting over..It would also had to the difficult time you have had in work..

    I mention weed because it causes depression, paranoia etc etc and will not help your mood or recovery at all.. I know people use to help relax but long term use can do the opposite..

    Can you go speak to a doctor where you Live?

    Is there any type of counseling?

    You  have had a few knock backs in life and this has not helped your mood or confidence.. You are not on your own when it comes to this at your age..

    You have not mentioned how the car accident has effected you pyhsically..

    This is not forever how you feel and with a bit of support you can get through this..

     

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    • Posted

      Hey laura thanks for your reply, and everyone else. I was in shock after the car accident as 4 of us inlcuding i should of been dead according to the police & emergency services. The car was so mangled it looked like it had been ran over by a tank. I still think of it. I really want to talk to someone like a doctor/counsuler but im worried about pople finding out about me. I dont want to ask my parents too take me to the doctors because i need help on my mental health. As ive got too live, with them knowing there sons mental and im sure im not but grrr its hard to explain. I never felt this low in my life before is this life. This really living. In the mean time ive quit drugs and drinking which is helped me, as i feel less wound up. Clearer mindset with a new goal which is to get licence and move out of town and away from home and into a city. Where i have a fresh start also to do something active like MMA to take my anger and stress out. And too seek counseling with only me knowing ive been doing it.
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    • Posted

      Hi NIko doctors will keep what your telling them  private unless they feel someone is at risk..,It shoud be the same for the counsellor.  

      Fantastic you have quit drugs and alcohol as this would definitely not help your mood.

      You are putting things in place for the future as well which is positive.

      You just need as you say some support until you get over this hurdle. Be depressed does not make you mental. It says your sad and hurting and need someone to talk to openly and safely without judgement.. Thousands of people go through rough patchesand get low.  You have had a difficult time so don't beat yourself up..

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Nick it sounds like you've had a really tough time and that you've had a massive blow to your confidence and self esteem. It also sounds like you're depressed and you need to see a doctor and express how you're feeling. Having suicidal thoughts is something you may need medication for and or talking therapy. You're so young and have so much to live for but you probably can't see that because of everything that's happened to you and how you feel. Drink snd drugs also distorts everything and makes things seem ten times worse. Is there anyone you can talk to who you feel safe with? If I were you I'd see a doctor. Ben
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  • Posted

    Sounds like you need to lay off the weed & drink , i also think you have a very low self esteem, this souds like what my childhood was like , I'm assuming that you are a shy person, very introverted so you feel like you have got no control over your own life, unfortunately this will leave you seeking things that you can control like your own mood with weed & alcohol which won't help you believe me & I'm talking from experience, don't get me wrong i've got nothing against people using weed or anything else its up to us all individually but i think with your situation it could make things worse. Look into meditation, yoga & or martial arts or boxing believe me any of these things will sort out your confidence and self esteem i know its hard I've been there but it can be achieved.

    I wish you all the best

    Love & peace.

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    • Posted

      Thanks everyone for the replies, ive stopped the drugs/drinks and i feel alot more at peace with myself not so wound up, but i still feel shallow like im nobody in this town, ive heard people bring up rumors about me saying im on the A class drugs (meth) and im a addict and thats wy i left my job, im scared to be seen in public because of this, all i can picture in my mind is people saying ( i bet hes on it right now ) i dont even go to partys anymore too people i thought were tight. I want to talk to someone in person to how i feel but i have no licence ao i cant drive also im to embarressed to tell my parents about how im feeling as ive been keeping this BRAVE FAKE SMILE for a long time now. I dont want my parents to think there sons mental as parents talk to others/family and so on and then back to sqaure one, too how i picture people talking and saying things about me. cant stand living in this town everyone talks sh*t and eveyone believes it. Im currently waiting for my drivers licence so i can move out of my town and into the city and find a company that will take me on, and join a MMA club. Fresh start.
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