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Im 18 years of age, im male and i live in a very small community roughly 4000 people where i was born and raised. I have grown up in a very disfuntional,loving,hardworking family, my mothers a strong catholic and supports me 100% my Dads hands are ruffer than G60 sand paper hes worked all his life.
My childhood was great, through to highschool. I had heaps of friends growing up we where the popular ones, so i thought! My problem started at 5th form where i had no real idea on what i wanted to achieve or become in life, i felt extremely fustrated as everyone seemed to have a plan already.
Anyway managed to stick in school and i managed to sort me a job at the local Supermarket, thru too 7th form, during this time i had been thru 2 vehicles. Doing alot of bad things, drinking, smoking alot of weed 2-3 times a week.
As i graduated high school at the age of 17, my main friends moved out of town which didnt bother me at this time, after a great new years holiday my Father found me a job at a local plumbing & electricall company where i worked hard and felt i was mistreated alot of times and i was bullied alot of times but never reacted, things where falling apart but i kept my head down and managed to get an apprenticeship, i had great plans, buying a house owning my own business etc.
My time with this company i was smoking alot of weed after hours as i was feeling sh*t! I was drinking heavily 3 times a week also started going out of town to go clubbing nearly every w.e.
During my time i still managed to buy everything i ever wanted dirtbike/newtruck/all the toys xbox etc still did my paperwork aswell. After being in a bad car crash and having started smoking ciggerretes also i was feeling less and less motivated in my work. I lost my drivers licence and things started going down.
After my boss yelled at me and co-workers laughed at me i walked out! Trust me ive never liked my boss and alot of the co-workers aggreed unfair and abusive at times.
As i lay here i feel so lost i have no guidence on what to do with my life im never happy anymore my mates that i have here are fake and users and just talk!
I feel sick in the head, like everyones talking about me, when im in public all i can think of is people starring and saying things about me. I find it hard to look at people in the eye. I keep telling myself if i can get this peoce of paper in the bin the person likes me if not they don't like what the? My speech is terrible, i mumble and say bugger all! I want to just be happy but i feel suicidal. When i read something i get distracted with little scenarios playing in my head and loose wtf i just read, these scenerios are of me doing something extrodinary and impressing a girl or my mates, family. After everything i learnt at school i feel blank like i learnt nothing. Im always changing my mind constently, i even talk to myself all the time and look at myself in the mirror alot. Im so shy to tell anyone help.
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