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Im 18 years of age, im male and i live in a very small community roughly 4000 people where i was born and raised. I have grown up in a very disfuntional,loving,hardworking family, my mothers a strong catholic and supports me 100% my Dads hands are ruffer than G60 sand paper hes worked all his life.
My childhood was great, through to highschool. I had heaps of friends growing up we where the popular ones, so i thought! My problem started at 5th form where i had no real idea on what i wanted to achieve or become in life, i felt extremely fustrated as everyone seemed to have a plan already.
Anyway managed to stick in school and i managed to sort me a job at the local Supermarket, thru too 7th form, during this time i had been thru 2 vehicles. Doing alot of bad things, drinking, smoking alot of weed 2-3 times a week.
As i graduated high school at the age of 17, my main friends moved out of town which didnt bother me at this time, after a great new years holiday my Father found me a job at a local plumbing & electricall company where i worked hard and felt i was mistreated alot of times and i was bullied alot of times but never reacted, things where falling apart but i kept my head down and managed to get an apprenticeship, i had great plans, buying a house owning my own business etc.
My time with this company i was smoking alot of weed after hours as i was feeling sh*t! I was drinking heavily 3 times a week also started going out of town to go clubbing nearly every w.e.
During my time i still managed to buy everything i ever wanted dirtbike/newtruck/all the toys xbox etc still did my paperwork aswell. After being in a bad car crash and having started smoking ciggerretes also i was feeling less and less motivated in my work. I lost my drivers licence and things started going down.
After my boss yelled at me and co-workers laughed at me i walked out! Trust me ive never liked my boss and alot of the co-workers aggreed unfair and abusive at times.
As i lay here i feel so lost i have no guidence on what to do with my life im never happy anymore my mates that i have here are fake and users and just talk!
I feel sick in the head, like everyones talking about me, when im in public all i can think of is people starring and saying things about me. I find it hard to look at people in the eye. I keep telling myself if i can get this peoce of paper in the bin the person likes me if not they don't like what the? My speech is terrible, i mumble and say bugger all! I want to just be happy but i feel suicidal. When i read something i get distracted with little scenarios playing in my head and loose wtf i just read, these scenerios are of me doing something extrodinary and impressing a girl or my mates, family. After everything i learnt at school i feel blank like i learnt nothing. Im always changing my mind constently, i even talk to myself all the time and look at myself in the mirror alot. Im so shy to tell anyone help.
2 likes, 7 replies
iris46 Guunii
Posted
laura11452 Guunii
Posted
First of all well done from walking away from an abusive boss..NO-ONE deserves that sort of treatment..
A couple fo things stick out here..
!. Abusive boss
2. Lost of friends
3. bad car accident
4. smoking weed
So bottomline you have had a rough time and an negative atmosphere in work would knock anyone's confidence.. Your lost of frineds probably didn't effect you at the time because you where getting on in life..Now when you need them most your feeling the lost..
A bad car accident is very traumatic and takes a time to getting over..It would also had to the difficult time you have had in work..
I mention weed because it causes depression, paranoia etc etc and will not help your mood or recovery at all.. I know people use to help relax but long term use can do the opposite..
Can you go speak to a doctor where you Live?
Is there any type of counseling?
You have had a few knock backs in life and this has not helped your mood or confidence.. You are not on your own when it comes to this at your age..
You have not mentioned how the car accident has effected you pyhsically..
This is not forever how you feel and with a bit of support you can get through this..
Guunii laura11452
Posted
laura11452 Guunii
Posted
Fantastic you have quit drugs and alcohol as this would definitely not help your mood.
You are putting things in place for the future as well which is positive.
You just need as you say some support until you get over this hurdle. Be depressed does not make you mental. It says your sad and hurting and need someone to talk to openly and safely without judgement.. Thousands of people go through rough patchesand get low. You have had a difficult time so don't beat yourself up..
Mashuga Guunii
Posted
Chillyboy7 Guunii
Posted
I wish you all the best
Love & peace.
Guunii Chillyboy7
Posted
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