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Help! I'm on the edge

Posted , 6 users are following.

Samxo
Samxo

I've been suffering with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I was diagnosed by a doctor 2 years ago. I was put on 20mg fluoxetine a day. However I stopped taking my antidepressants about 6 months ago. I don't know why I stopped, I just kept forgetting to take them and then I deluded myself into thinking that I was taking them. And then when I realised I wasn't I felt like it was too late, I didn't want to ring up for another prescription as I hadn't had one in a few months, I felt like I'd let myself and everyone down. I didn't tell anyone for months, until October when I went to see the nurse for an injection, I decided to ask about the medication. I was given another lot of tablets and was booked in for an appointment to discuss my problems with a doctor. I never went to the appointment and I never took the medication. I don't know why! There is absolutely no reason why I didn't. I just didn't. And then days turned into weeks and I felt like it was too late again. But basically I think I need to summon up the courage to go to the doctor. I'm constantly worrying, all day every day I suffer with extreme anxiety, I can't stop worrying. I have multiple panic attacks throughout the day/night, i find it hard to sleep, and my depression seems to be getting worse again. I just don't like being alive. I feel like I've hit rock bottom again, every night I cry myself to sleep and I can't seem to control it. I don't know why I feel like this, nothing has happened to make me feel sad. I just feel immense sadness all the time. And Im getting more and more suicidal with each day. I don't know what to do, I'm starting to lose hope. I guess I just want some friendly words of advice or support. Thank you sad

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • Taina75
    Taina75 Samxo

    Posted

    I know it's hard, but don't loose hope. See a doctor and follow the treatment. It can get better.
    • Samxo
      Samxo Taina75

      Posted

      Thankyou Taina, I know you are right and that's what I must do. It's just hard to get the ball rolling on recovery again. I need to gather up the strength x
  • vicky37739
    vicky37739 Samxo

    Posted

    It must be hard to feel like you are, I would advise you to see a doctor as soon as possible. Life can be a joy and I hope you find it one day. I went into depression last spring and it was a nightmare, but now I am feeling much better, after a storm the sky can be nice. There is hope, maybe to speak to somebody would help you, but not everybody have the talent to help. I will be thinking of you,
    • Samxo
      Samxo vicky37739

      Posted

      Thank you for your kind words. I've been up and down constantly. In 2014/start of 2015 I was finally getting better, or so I thought. And now I've put myself straight back in that rut. It's just hard for me to summon up the strength to see a doctor when I'm close to giving up sad I will try and phone them on Monday though as I know it's best that I do try x
  • Shelly0069
    Shelly0069 Samxo

    Posted

    Hi Samson,

    please, please go see your GP.

    for 10 months me I felt very low, miserable, moody.

    i went to see my GP I simply could not take any more and put on to medication.........and it helped immensely.

    all I can say is "there is light at the end of the tunnel"

    please don't be embarrassed to see your GP they are there to help you. Good luck Samxo xx

    • Samxo
      Samxo Shelly0069

      Posted

      Thankyou, I know medication helps immensely. I had been on mine for two years before I took myself off of it, and it made me feel like a normal person. I guess I got so used to feeling normal again that I thought the medication was no longer needed. I was wrong though. Well done on your recovery though! I wish you all the best smile x
  • Murray1967
    Murray1967 Samxo

    Posted

    i hear you with how u are feeling. i was like that and now i think about dying at least once a week. as far as ur meds go u must take them as they really do help. i went off mine and found myself being really different so its important u take them. Keep positive
    • Samxo
      Samxo Murray1967

      Posted

      Thank you Murray, I know the meds help. I suppose I just got too used to feeling better that I thought the medication wasn't doing anything. But now I realise that I was wrong, the medication was what was holding me together. I'm slowly losing more hope as I think of suicide every single day x
    • Murray1967
      Murray1967 Samxo

      Posted

      remember also Sam the meds u goon may not suite u and u may have to change. ive been on 3 different anti depressants and different dosage. it takes time to work out and i can guarantee u will havve bad says still but u also get good

      ones too. i started on sertraline then ventofalaxine then my current ones. keep going as it will get better.

  • vicky37739
    vicky37739 Samxo

    Posted

    I am sure you will find the strengh to get back on the track, the doctor will understand and help you. Let us know what's happen on Monday. Good luck.
  • Digsby
    Digsby Samxo

    Posted

    Hi Sam,

    I really feel for you in this situation and I know what it's like to feel hopeless and suicidal. I really want to help you make this step buddy and to do it I think you've got to keep looking forward and not back. Don't think of the past. It's easy to let time slip by but each new day is a fresh possibility. Please don't feel any awkwardness for coming off your meds or not going through with your previous appts. That's all in the past now. I wonder if someone could come with you to the appt. Perhaps arrange to meet up with a friend after the appt (or they could just wait outside for moral support). Maybe get an appt to see the nurse and she could have a word with the doctor (if she can't actually give you the presciption herself). If you feel self-conscious in any way about talking to the nurse or doctor for any reason, consider writing it down in advance or taking a copy or what you have posted here on this site. I think it's common to come off meds when we are feeling better but as I've read many times before, it's worth staying on them and only coming off with the full support of your medical professional. I don't want this to become too big a hurdle for you so that's why I'd like you to break it down into small achievable steps if you can. The sooner you can get back on your meds, I think the better you will feel. No pressure though. You must do it in your own way. How are you managing in your daily routine? Your anxiety and night-time routine sounds rough. Have you any family or friends to support you? Please let us know how you get on. Don't be afraid of the future - I'm certain you can get back to the place you were in not so long ago. You'll find friends here whenever you need them. Take care of yourself.

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