Help me please. I can't do it anymore

Posted , 3 users are following.

I don't know what to do. I just can't do it anymore. It's been going for so so long and it's getting worse, I just want it to end. I want it to stop. I don't care how I just need it to stop. I am afraid to get diagnosed by a professional cause I am afraid of what they would say. Also, i can't really afford thrapy. I think I am going insane. My vision is getting worse, i can barely see with one eye, i am getting paranoid , i feel like me or someone close to me will die or something worse would happen to us. I feel like death is following us, i feel that if I look over my shoulder I will see it following me. I wasn't so paranoid before, it started a month ago. I think because a lot of people have been dying around me. My lover's mother died, a friend of mine died, my classmate died, my cousin had a hearth attack and died. My grandma is very old and sick and she keeps saying she'll die soon so she needs to get things done and over with. My mum is sick and is in the hospital. My father doesn't call anymore like he used to. He dissapeared from my life again. My little sister hates me cause I just can't play with her. I am so irritable. Everything annoys me. I can't control it. Getting out of bed is so hard it takes me so long to do it. I fee like I have no control over my body. I can't see myself having any future whatsoever. My brain is very fuzzy and my memory is messed up. I feel like I am running out of time. I want to go to medschool but I can barely make myself study. I can barely study for school. I can't focus on anything. Everything I do goes bad or isn't enough. Nothing pleases me anymore. It takes me so so long to study and i can't even be happy when i get a good grade. Money is really bad and my mum is sick so she spends a ton of money on doctors. I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism and mum thinks my depression has something to do with that. But what about my paranoia, my feeling that someone will die? I am starting to become too afraid to get out of the house. I feel really scared and it drains me emotionally. I constantly feel like something bad will happen. And at night is the worst. I even have dreams with people or me dying. With funerals. I attempted suicide a while ago. I swallowed a fist of some pills but I got scared and made myself throw them up and drank a lot of milk. I am also trying to lose weight and i heard exercises help with depression. Mine don't. Nothing does. Nothing good ever happens that me. I don't really want to die cause there are things i wanna do and my family doesn't deserve that kind of pain. But i can't take it anymore. I just can't deal with the pain. I feel like it's paralyzing me. Help me please. I will try anything. Thank you.

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  • Posted

    Please go to your doctor and speak to them today. I was feeling something similar to your anxiety at your age and it is paralysing. I'm now in my forties and am only just dealing with this anxiety after a health scare and death of my cousin. I wish I had had the opportunity to deal with it when I was younger but I just buried it for 30 years. Please go to get help. There are plenty of people out there who can help you. I'm still very much at the beginning of getting help and feel like you every morning. So hard to get out of bed and be motivated. YOU WILL GET BETTER but you must seek professional help. Do it today,. Good luck. Let us know how you're getting on. Xx

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  • Posted

    Hello Helpme

    First I would recommend you have words with your Family Doctor. You need to talk and come to terms with the negative feelings you are suffering from

    You say you are wanting to start Medical School, although your concentration seems to be poor caused by your Depression and Anxiety.

    I gather you are not a UK National, possibly you are American as you mention having to pay for your treatments.

    If you were in the UK I would suggest you make an pointment with your GP and He will arrange a treatment pathway, and a course of CBT to help you come to terms and control your negative thoughts.

    When we loose family members and friends to death and if you are still young you have not come to terms with your own mortality. The best way to get through these negative times is to talk with those who were nearer to the who had lost their life. This method is used to talk out the lost and move on. However you need to understand you cannot dictate to death who lives or dies, when our time comes, our death is part of life and we need to accept our departure.

    I am sixty six years old and disabled, I look at life as a journey where we need to proceed through our life as a learning exercise, 

    My family was not what I call attentive and showed little concern, I disappeared  and live my own life, so in the situation you are in with your Father, you need to accept and move on. I do not know what is wrong with your Mother, hopefully She will be back home soon an will be able to sort out your needs then.

    When I look at your concerns you need to address each on as a bite and file it in your brain, make one problem into nibbles and do the same with all your concerns

    Sort out each nibble and when stuck go to the next problem etc. Eventually you will arrive to a point where your problems have lessend and you can move on.

    The Grim Reaper follows us all, we have no way of preventing our Deaths, all we can do is life our lives to the full. Take on interests and divert your fears When it comes to college look for a Bursery and live that dream to its conclusion

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Ur not ment to make your slef sick after ?an overdose it can do serious injury,

    But I'm glad you loved to tell the tale,

    Can you not go drs for anti depressants they hear and see it all the time your not the 1st and deffinatley not the last , just go with your mum let it all out I. There ull feel better for it, then try some think you like doing or try adult colouring books perhaps make a profile up where you can talk to strangers for company not letting them know much about you letting you be ?who u want to be behind a computer may help bring back the real you, can I ask what symptoms you had to get diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I think I may be suffering from this and I too have very low moods xxx

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