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Help need mental health advice.

Posted , 3 users are following.

sarah08459
sarah08459

I really need some advice as to whether I could be bipolar or something else mentally.

I will start to say I suggest bipolar first as my nan was bipolar and also had postpartum psychosis to the extent she was locked in a mental institution for 3 years after birth of my mother. My mum has suggested to family members she feels I am similar. My brother also seemed like me and had a serious of mental problems living a reckless life that resulted in a tragic death aged 25. Neither of has been diagnosed professionally only on the coroner trial it was said he had insomnia at the time.

Ive always had depressive moods then suddenly life gets back on track im really happy and doing loads of exciting stuff then back depressed again where I will sleep endlessly. I am not self harming but I do have suicidal thoughts of being better of dead.

I have spells of severe anxiety that control my life to a extent its almost impossible to live normally. First shortly after my brothers death I was convinced I was going blind from regular bulbs in the home and sunlight. This resulted in me sitting in darkened rooms at all times with just small lamps on and curtains drawn. At the time my child was one year old. I made him live like this also as fear he would be blinded. This went on for nearly a year. My next anxiety struck of asbestos I was terrified of it and couldn't stand any kind of dust as I was sure it had asbestos in. Spent all day and night obsessing over it. This somewhat died down but not completely. Next I was convinced I had hiv i lived scared i couldnt let my child drink from same cup all had seperate cutlery months later I made my partner take a hiv test as I was so scared of the result myself. I then had my second child. 3 weeks later I was back to asbestos again. I locked me and kids in bedroom for 4 days only taking small trips to bathroom etc using masks on faces. I thought my whole house was contaminated to the extent I threw nearly my whole household goods including washing machine etc away snd brought new stuff. Im still going through this stage of anxiety I spend all my time googling and no matter how much reassurance I get I am back to the same way shortly after. Its literally controlling my life that I am freaking out at any kind of dust I see sectioning of places in house needed to be throughly cleaned. I know it seems irrational but I just cant stop. Im depressed at moment I am not socialising and feel generally down. All this I have told my gp. I am on 150mg sertraline. I just feel numb I cant cry even though I want to and I am still anxiety. Its currently 4am in morning and im awake worrying and googling even though I know I have to be up early. Just everyday is constant battle with my mind. I just don't feel normal and feel I have something seriously wrong with me but dont know how to approach my healthcare provider as I feel noone is taking me seriously and just giving me pills which I don't think are working as they should. Sorry if this is long just looking for any advice and whether my behaviour sounds like bipolar.

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • sarah08459
    sarah08459

    Posted

    I also ad. My relationships with all my famil5 is effected. I am pushing people away individually with my behaviour. I can be really aggressive to my mother verbally. Screaming at her. My partner I seem to argue alot and I was crying alot for stupid stuff before taking meds. My eldest child I look at him and feel like a terrible mum. I give him everything he wants and needs to make up for my behaviour which can be set off. I sometimes shout at him and have literally a mental breakdown screaming about something. Then feel so much guilt after for letting him see me that way. I find hard to keep friends. As when I get depression badly I avoid seeing anyone.
  • wendy85295
    wendy85295 sarah08459

    Posted

    Dear Sarah,

    I know exactly where you are coming from.

    Depression is very isolating  Anxieties are very real to you but not to others.

    I have not heard of the drug you mentioned that  your GP prescribed

    I would suggest you go back to your GP with your partner who can back you up and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. Only they can really get to grips with all your problems and help you out.

    All the best and sorry you feel ill.  You are not alone.

    Regards and best wishes

    Wendy

  • sarah08459
    sarah08459

    Posted

    Hi wendy.

    I have been given a option to self refer to a psychologist type of place called steps to wellbeing which I am still waiting to be seen. But I was referred to a place called perinatal mental health team who refused to

    See me as they didnt think they could help me at this time and advised to keep on the meds.

    All I know is its also referred to a zoloft according to google. And it has dosages given of 100mg 50mg 20mg. But im on a really high dose of 150mg which is not even recommend according to google research. I am still depressed even though I am taking them. Maybe not as much as before but still depressed and the anxiety hasnt gone away. Maybe calmed a bit but not gone away.

    Thanks

  • wendy85295
    wendy85295 sarah08459

    Posted

    Hi Sarah

    Sorry to hear you are struggling.  You don't say how  long you have been on the medication for?  

    Perinatal Mental Health Team should perhaps be more helpful.

    All I can suggest is that you contact PALS - Patient Advice and Liaison Service who take up issues for patients.

    There is also the option of Advocacy Services - Pohwer cover quite a wide area if you want to google them.

    Keep going Sarah, there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it seems dark now.

    All the best

    Wendy

    • sarah08459
      sarah08459 wendy85295

      Posted

      Hi wendy thanks for your reply.

      I have been on them for 2 and half months. Increasing gradually upto 150mg.

      It the past I have been on another depression tablet called citroplam. The moment I took that it was like being on speed. My talking was so fast and remember driving and talking so fast to my friend I wasnt even paying attention to the road. But I was happy and started going out clubbing and living a wild life that wasnt me and didnt some actions im ashamed of which came with a lifetime of regret.

      I will now google all the places youve mentioned and see if I can get them to help me. Thank you.

  • janet28243
    janet28243 sarah08459

    Posted

    Hi sarah

    I'm sorry you are struggling too. It sounds like you need to be referred to a psychiatrist by your GP. Is your Gp sympathetic?

    These problems are too big for you to face without professional help. I began to take anti depressants when my youngest child was 3 weeks old. A very confusing, difficult and lonely time.

    I hope you get help soon

    • sarah08459
      sarah08459 janet28243

      Posted

      Hi janet.

      Thanks for your reply. I am very confused still. I just feel trapped in my own mind and don't know how to escape it. I feel my partner is very unsympathetic about this.

      2 days ago I had a breakdown again in the house over finding of dust ontop of the kithen cupboards. Its exhausting me so much. I will follow up the information given on here and try and find some help.

      I know something is wrong with me but dunno what it is. I am just seeking answers and correct treatment to help continue my life with some sort of normality.

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