Posted , 3 users are following.
I really need some advice as to whether I could be bipolar or something else mentally.
I will start to say I suggest bipolar first as my nan was bipolar and also had postpartum psychosis to the extent she was locked in a mental institution for 3 years after birth of my mother. My mum has suggested to family members she feels I am similar. My brother also seemed like me and had a serious of mental problems living a reckless life that resulted in a tragic death aged 25. Neither of has been diagnosed professionally only on the coroner trial it was said he had insomnia at the time.
Ive always had depressive moods then suddenly life gets back on track im really happy and doing loads of exciting stuff then back depressed again where I will sleep endlessly. I am not self harming but I do have suicidal thoughts of being better of dead.
I have spells of severe anxiety that control my life to a extent its almost impossible to live normally. First shortly after my brothers death I was convinced I was going blind from regular bulbs in the home and sunlight. This resulted in me sitting in darkened rooms at all times with just small lamps on and curtains drawn. At the time my child was one year old. I made him live like this also as fear he would be blinded. This went on for nearly a year. My next anxiety struck of asbestos I was terrified of it and couldn't stand any kind of dust as I was sure it had asbestos in. Spent all day and night obsessing over it. This somewhat died down but not completely. Next I was convinced I had hiv i lived scared i couldnt let my child drink from same cup all had seperate cutlery months later I made my partner take a hiv test as I was so scared of the result myself. I then had my second child. 3 weeks later I was back to asbestos again. I locked me and kids in bedroom for 4 days only taking small trips to bathroom etc using masks on faces. I thought my whole house was contaminated to the extent I threw nearly my whole household goods including washing machine etc away snd brought new stuff. Im still going through this stage of anxiety I spend all my time googling and no matter how much reassurance I get I am back to the same way shortly after. Its literally controlling my life that I am freaking out at any kind of dust I see sectioning of places in house needed to be throughly cleaned. I know it seems irrational but I just cant stop. Im depressed at moment I am not socialising and feel generally down. All this I have told my gp. I am on 150mg sertraline. I just feel numb I cant cry even though I want to and I am still anxiety. Its currently 4am in morning and im awake worrying and googling even though I know I have to be up early. Just everyday is constant battle with my mind. I just don't feel normal and feel I have something seriously wrong with me but dont know how to approach my healthcare provider as I feel noone is taking me seriously and just giving me pills which I don't think are working as they should. Sorry if this is long just looking for any advice and whether my behaviour sounds like bipolar.
0 likes, 7 replies