Help. This is my story. I probably have some mental illness which my doctors have failed to diagnos.
Posted , 4 users are following.
It all started 5 years back. I was bullied cause my language was different and I was a shy boy. The reason why I became shy maybe was related to my newly discovered masturbation at the age of 14. I became shy and less visited out to play games with children my age. I had a fulfilling life before that I was normal was outgoing and had many friends. I was good at studies too. But after being bullied my results declined. Before I was a topper was good at studies to cause I was hard working. Every day was mental torture for me for almost two years but I didn't notice any metal changes I was doing almost fine but maybe I had anxiety. I use to masturbate almost daily to get a relief from this. Next year I was all bad at studying I cant even see my book I used to not study even for 1 year and I was a student. I wanted to but I couldn't. I searched a bit and found that it was all because of my over masturbation I was addicted and soon I got anxiety as my teachers were every day asking me questions and I was shamed every time. I developed anxiety then I guess. I became socially awkward too. I passed my 11th with fewer marks then next year 12th same and I dropped and started studying again one more year. I knew what my problem was and started abstaining from fapping but I was not too successful I started taking supplements which did help me supplements like ashwagandha and fish oil and vitamin b along with zinc almost every day for many months. I was able to focus and passed 12th. My brother was in same class with me I had always felt insecure during that time. I dropped and was again studying with my brother. Fast forward now next year after I passed 12th I am noticing many problems. Mainly brain fog, Slow thinking, inability to recall things, even many English words. English is not my primary language but my vocabulary is affected. My learning speed is affected, I cant recall famous actors my favourite actor's name someday. My short term memory is good some days and I can remember everything I am taught or studied but next day when I wake up I almost forget 70% information.Even after many revisions, I cant recall. My friends on the other had can recall tough names I could 1to2 years back but now I cant. I need my brain as I am pursuing a medical career. I cant do sometimes even basic sums. I feel low most time. I just can't motivate myself. I became very sensitive person offended very easily and most of the time I try to keep others happy and get unhappy myself. I don't have friends. Only teachers call my name no one else. My name no one calls that. And I don't know why but many like to tease me maybe cause I am big in size and people like to dominate. Batlle with words I am not good at cause abusing other I hurt myself too. And when someone abuses me I just zone out and cant even reply. I feel like I should be respected I know I don't deserve it but at least a little if I don't feel like talking with anyone others should not tease me badly. I know I am different but not everyone knows me to judge me. I am just one step away from ruining my life. Academically I thought I will prove it. But I just cant no matter how much I study. I just dream one day my brain will be clear and I cant find happiness in my life loneliness is too much when I don't have anyone to talk to. I cant approach anyone I had the guts in past but now I think they will just make me feel bad. I want to be happy do meditation, cold shower and even stopped masturbation for many months now but nothing happened. I am losing hope. I hope someone can help me. Please tell me I have a very bad disease which can be cured with a magic pill. I do feel thirsty past few years a lot and maybe I am an emotional eater. I am overweight and I am tall too. I am even forgetting some basic words spelling like pills or piils carrier or carrer.Even names of kitchen objects. Maybe due to mental confusion. I overthink myself to the point that my brain starts hurting i dont know what to do any help appreciated.
3 likes, 2 replies
9999 SauravDash
Posted
Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Social Anxiety.. I have Social these too sounds like one of them. GAD the over worrying about everything. I do it too I get tired also. It drains me. Brain fog? I wouldn't know buy hope someone can help you.💕
Digsby SauravDash
Posted
Hi Saurav,
It sounds as if you are putting too much pressure on yourself & the worry could be affecting your overall mental & physical health. Don't get too hung up on mental health labels - they're not always helpful. You are obviously very sensitive which means you can be easily hurt by what others think of you. Most of us go through life trying to please someone but if you can learn to like what you see when you look in the mirror, that's the one opinion that will always count.
On a delicate matter that you have been honest about: if you were a teenage boy who wasn't masturbating, that would not be normal. What you are doing is healthy & normal so don't stress about it. It can be a good form of relaxation & stress relief.
Keep as healthy as you can, drinking lots of water & eating good food. Take supplements too if you think you need them. Exercise is important too. Everything in moderation. Stay focussed on your career goal in medicine. Never give up hope. Do you have a good relationship with your brother? Is he a good study partner? What about the rest of your family? I know you are precious to them all. Stay in touch & let us know how you are getting on. Stay strong buddy :-)