Help with bipolar disorder

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I need help. I met this guy almost 7 months ago, it seemed that we had a good connection right away. I really liked him and it seemed the feeling was mutual.

After dating almost a month, he told me he was bipolar and he takes medication everyday to help him.

Lately I started to see some behaviour on him. Like depression, he tells me he had very bad episodes before and he was also hospitalized and also was on jail too for one of the episodes. I got really scared when he told me this but at the same time I knew we always got along well and he was kind and sweet to me, I haven't seen him mad at me or yell.

I am getting worry now because I kinda now when he gets depressed, he shots me off, won't talk to me at all, won't pick up the phone, things like that.

It is frustrating because I want to help him but he won't let me in. And it doesn't help that we live far from each other.

He is a very charming man. Loved by his friends and we'll like in his work.

I care about him, maybe I love him and I don't want to loose him. I know it will affect me tremendously not having him in my life.

IF someone knows how to deal with this. Please help me

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  • Posted

    Hi lorena. That depression where he shuts u out I don't believe will ever change ..it's a coping technique which he's had for years. I am the same just can't stop it ..if I was u step back don't rush in, just put a little wall up yourself. My relationships have been terrible because of this. .Theyv been long but ruined. Try talking to him tell him how that makes u feel .. if he's willing to try & talk when he feels that depression comes on. Otherwise you will have a relationship full of breakups .. good luck x

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  • Posted

    Hi Lorena

    I posted something similar a while back. Mine was more a friendship but the guy lived away from me too. We met over the Internet.

    My friend was open with me about his bipolar, said he took meds which controlled his moods pretty much and for the first few months I never really saw any signs except for the odd quietness.

    Then something triggered an episode and he went silent for a couple of weeks and of course I was worried.

    It's now been a few weeks and slowly we have started communicating again but it is different now. He just seems different, less friendly and more guarded. The odd days I do see him back to the guy I knew so I live in hope. And of course as a woman I felt like I have done something wrong.

    But all I can say and I am by no means an expert, is harden your heart, if this guy is worth it then just except that it is an illness. Sometimes he will be this lovely guy you met and other times not.

    If he opened up to you and let you in then he obviously cares for you. But from what I have read and been told, sometimes you will get shut out as a non essential person. Harsh I know. But they have to carry on with their normal life and sometimes even the smallest thing is too much.

    And in the depression stage they feel all the negative thoughts so maybe this guy gets frightened of losing you, like he has others in the past.

    It s complex and hard and I know I wanted someone to say "hey your guy will be the same guy you met, that's the real him" But all the stages of bipolar is the real him and it's down to you if he is worth it.

    Just be strong, think of yourself too and take care xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for the response.

      I'm trying to stay positive and focus on another things.

      It's true, I have to accept this is an illness, and I think he is worth it. Sinice the moment I met him I felt he was honest and kind.

      I usually am a very patient person and I can be patient with him too.

      Thanks again.

      Lorena.

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  • Posted

    Hi there lorena ....

    First of all .... one thing folks with bi-polar are notorious for doing is, once they feel better, they stop taking their meds.   That could be making him unpredictable.  I would definitely talk to his doctor to get his perspective on hos safe this man really is, does he get violent, does he stop taking his meds., is he likely to just "run away" when he stops taking them (I had a girlfriend who did that when she stopped taking her meds.), and whatever other questions you might have.   I'd be very, very, wary of this, even though he is "sweet" at times.   Gather all the information you can .... read, read, read .... talk to people who know him well, read the Mayo Clinic site, and even though his doctor can't reveal personal information about him to you, he can give you an indication of how safe a relationship this could be.    I know, for me, I'd drop him.   I would constantly be concerned when he may stop the meds. and go off.

    Barb

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    • Posted

      I'm so guilty of this too.. why I never learn I dont no.. I think 1 of the reasons are because after years of having highs & lows & now only feeling low makes life none existent .. the other you do really believe you dnt need them.???? when u come down back to that low all you want to do is climb into the black hole .. & you have to be left there until your ready. Me personally I think you have to be very laid back have the patience of a saint & very strong mentally to be with someone with bipolar. It's exhausting.also need alot of knowledge on it. ??

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  • Posted

    Lorena .... please listen carefully to what Sharon just told you.   She's got the real person experience.

    Barb

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    • Posted

      Barb, I know for sure he won't stop taking his medication, he told me he did in the past and had some episodes, and also I know he won't go off of them because it helps him sleep better and be more aware and alert the next day for work.

      I will talk to his doctor to find out more.

      He introduced me, by phone to one of his best friends in NY and I talk to him from time to time about him.

      Thanks.

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  • Posted

    be patient, accept him for who he is but try to educate his behaviour a bit if you think that is possible. Although bipolar characters do not like change, to point out something may help in the long run here and there.
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    • Posted

      Richard.

      You are right about that. He just don't like changes but lately he is starting to open up a little bit to new experiences.

      I try little by little to help him. It doesn't help either that he is OCD, I don't know if that is something all bipolar people have .

      I respect that, because he also is trying himself.

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    • Posted

      OCD is another story because they want to do it their way so I think you will have an uphill struggle. but keep trying mental health is for the long term.
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