Help with Dilators as wife's been diagnosed with vaginismus and atrophy

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Hi there, my wife has recently been diagnosed with vaginismus and atrophy by the doctor, and recommended by him to get dilators. 

She has tasked me to research, find, buy and help her in this, which in my caring love for her naturally is a pleasure.

The task i thought would be not too difficult, although after spending almost all day trying to fathom, i find myself seeking advice so am here.

With vaginismus and atrophy she suffers dryness and pain if we attempt sex, so for quite some time we've entertained other means of intimacy, that don't include penetrative sex due to in not be a joy for either of us.

Cutting to the chase my question and quandary is… In looking at dilators today and understanding i believe they are to stretch, strengthen and help rejuvenate the vagina, i look at them and question the largest in the sets.

Most sets the largest dilator measure between 28mm to 36 at best, which speaking in frank terms won’t be representative of my girth. Earlier i was in the bathroom looking for examples, and for the purpose of this exercise… really, i aroused myself to measure, wondering if I was under an illusion! 

In measuring, my girth is a little over 50mm, so wonder, are there dilators which go to this size, am I under a miss-understanding? 

Thank You for reading, any useful advice would be most appreciated, thank You, Greg  

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  • Posted


    Their purpose is to slowly accustom the vagina to having larger and larger objects inserted. You start with the smallest one, then move on to bigger and bigger ones until you are able to insert the largest one, which is slightly larger than the average penis. If you can get to the point where you can insert the largest dilator, you are usually good to go for sex, as long as you use lubricant. Keep in mind that dilators take a lot of patience - it can take time for you to move up even one level. 

    I'd say get a kit that's as close as you can get, but as stated, it's a slow process. Once the largest size has been achieved and she's comfortable with it she should be able to accommodate you but it might also take some time. There's some very good articles you can look up on how to use them correctly along with kegel exercises. 

    Good Luck!

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  • Posted

    Hey Greg,  I know that you ask your question about dilators but I think I would have to suggest  a different approach to you in assisting your wife to fix her vaginismus and 

    atrophy Issues.. I’m not sure what your ages are but it seems that she in menopause and dealing with hormone depletion and the lack of estrogen in her body . My sexual 

    experience with my wife of 55 + years , is that we  never have had to faced this issue . She was on estrogen for several years and then on testosterone for the last 9 years , currently on pellet treatment . I tell this , because with out some kind of  HRT or BHRT treatment she will never be healed with dilators. I suggest you or your wife research your area for the right kind of Doctor that would be able to properly treat your wife .. these are my thoughts only..   good luck to you 

    Btw  Even in our mid 70’s we still enjoy great sex in our marriage .. 


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    • Posted

      Thank you very much Mach for your advice, having no knowledge in this area all advice and tips are very appreciated. 

      I've made a note of what you've said, thank you, and yes, will ask my wife to revisit the doctor, even if allow for myself to attend, to ask about HRT and BHRT treatments.

      Admittedly until I just read your article, I had no idea what Bioidentical hormones where, so definitely something to investigate.

      For reference Mach yes, you are hitting just right, as my wife is in her early 50's, having gone through the c a few years ago.

      The condition is exacerbated for a few reasons:

      Firstly it so so pains me, but as a young girl because of abuse, she suffered internal scarring, which has always caused difficulties.

      Secondly, after have her forth child she suffered a tear, that on that moment wasn't addressed due to the pains of childbirth.

      Thirdly, and sorry this is where it gets personal but since forever, because my girth is thick, she has found penetrative sex uncomfortable. However since child four, then the menopause, the discomfort regardless of lubes or slow sensual arousal, is far too painful to suffer for either of us. So for quite a while now been territory avoided, but even although not youngsters, we desire each other still very much in all the ways of loving.

      Thank you Beverly for your comments below, that also i have noted as points to raise in seeing the doctor.

      Kind Thanks, Greg

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    • Posted

      To answer your questions - my wife and I was seeing the same Dr for many years and through regular wellness checks along with blood work results , he would advise on any treatments we required . He put my wife on HRT 

      when she went into menopause in early 50’s . She had to come off estrogen by her mid 60’s and was put on a monthly testosterone shot treatment by the same Dr. - blood work was done twice a year from that point. My wife and I both have been on  Testosterone treatment for many years and have been happy that we are. 

      She has now been on pellet treatment the past year for her testosterone which last  3 to 4 months with each insertion. She finds that the pellets are a better way to go then doing the monthly shot treatment and it gives her  a more overall consistent distribution through out the 3 month period . 

      I will say this - testosterone is very much needed for both men and women during the aging time of there life . It is one of the main hormones we had all our lives .. 


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    • Posted

      Greg, thanks for your response and I want to tell you that I  certainly feel for you in what you are dealing with In your marriage . I conmen you for the action you are taking to seek information to help your wife. I appreciate your comment that even though you are not youngsters, you still desire each other very much . We have had these  feelings through out our marriage and the hormonal / sexual fixes that we both have implemented 

       has provided us a high degree loving intimacy in our lives .. I would highly recommend that you both study up on the BIHRT and read some books on the subject even before you visit with the Dr.  Keep in mind  that blood work 

      should be needed ( including testosterone levels) to determine what treatment is required for your wife.  I can’t say it loud enough - Vaginal atrophy in menopausal women , in most cases ,  is caused by the hormonal depletion of estrogen and testosterone.. I hope you and your wife can find a Dr that will help in solving her situation.  Good luck Greg 


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