help with visitors

Posted , 4 users are following.

i am one of these that like to put pj's on when i get home from work, close the curtains and shut myself off to the world so i can relax and unwind.

at the weekends i like to do the same, 5pm pj's on, bath, have tea and just relax for the evening.

however my in laws repeatedly turn up at tea time without ring first, and i hate it!!, then come after 5pm when we are busy either making tea or eating tea, lately we have sent them away saying we are having tea. But i just wish they would ring first and come before tea time. I am not very assertive, and my other half does not think there is any problem in turnign up at our house at tea time, and its causing many arguments.

i work all week, and get tried, so all i want to do is relax at tea time and shut out the world. some people may not see this as a problem, but to me it is, and i am just wondering if nayone can advise me. Its not that i dont want to see them, but at a convienient time with us. i dont want to upset anyone either.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Nichola, I completely relate to this.

    While I'm not very good at making time and rest space for myself, I do reaaaally really need my rest and appreciate a quite environment when I needed. For example, I have super light sleep and I feel like I need : 1.- total darkness 2.- appropriate temperature 3.- no noise. I've lived in different countries environments and houses and Ive demanded (or politely asked) for respect and proper conditions for all of these. I used to set rules on music, noise, getting up early and such, and found that when these were broken, my sleep was disrupted and I would have a sh*tty day. I started being more and more strict with these rules and myself and then realizd the stress around these were actually causing me more stress than the stressors themselves, if you see what I mean. I do still depend on proper rest and I try to be vigilant on doing so in appropriate conditions, but it was only when i stopped worrying so much about noises around me that I could sleep past them. You have all the right in the world to want to enjoy your routine and to ask for respect (your inlaws should call before popping by if that's what you want and ask for) but, rather than worrying too much about it (this stress will make it all worse), just "enjoy it"when it happens, while makign it clear that you wont want this every week, that youre very much in need of sleep and quiet. Hope youll find your balance. All the best, xx

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  • Posted


    my therapist (and all therapists) would advise in battling a chronic health issue, that you need to do what is best for you. in this case, it means setting boundaries and clearly stating to your in-laws that with your condition it's difficult to have company over in the evenings. after chatting the game plan over with your husband, spell out for them when it is okay for them to visit. (and, if it was me, i'd add in the request that a phone call be made first to see if was okay on that particular day to have visitors over.) explain pacing, and that you need your evenings to recuperate. not protecting your time and energy - though it may hurt feelings - in the end, hurts you most as it impacts your overall physical health.

    best of luck!



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  • Posted

    I totally agree Nichola. I hate anyonew turning up unannounced. My husband can't understand why I want to spend most of my day in a dark room and really quiet. I'm up at 6 am and love to hear that door close when my husband and kids go off to work .I do my house work then back to bed to rest for round 2 when they get in . If someone appears at the door that totally knocks me back . I get myself in to a tizzy . I have a schedule and they don't understand that . It's getting harder and harder to put the face on . If you don't talk about it you'll blow a gasket 😈as much as we love our family and friends ... they really don't know how cronic illness affects every part of your life . Stress only adds to the pain and exustion . Hope you sort things out . L x💛
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    • Posted

      thsnks lorraine, glad its not just me, its not nice feeling that way but you just cant help it, they laugh at me because i am in my pj's at 5, but thats my time to shut myself off and relax , we are entitled to that surely in our own home.

      ​i love my routine of bath, pj's , tea n relax with a glass of wine n cabbage on the sofa xx

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