Helping my husband with depression and drink

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hello

I'm new to all this!

Where do I start....at the begining!? I met my now husband 12 years ago, it was a whirlwind Romance we met in the November and we're engaged by the February we married 16 months later. We have been very lucky in our relationship it has always been a mutual attraction, we have never doubted our love. I have always been inspired by his drive and determination, he worked hard and played hard..he has always been a drinker. He could light up a room with his laughter, the heat and sole of any party.

But a few years ago he started to suffer from the onset of depression (not that I know it then) and back in March he hit his crisis point braking down and hitting rock bottom he admitted he added been drinking a bottle of whisky a day. we have 3 children 5, 2 and 1 and a tenant farm to run. I persuaded him to come with me to see the Dr and he is now on Meds which are working he is also seeing a counselor. The depression I can deal with, I get it, I have been looking after the farm and the children for a few months and that's fine it's what he needs to get better than I'm there doing it. but what I can't deal with is the drink! He has cut down loads and is now only drinking a pint or 2 a day BUT that pint can hit him quite hard and he is still using it as a crutch. I can not get him to stop. he says it's part of who he is, he enjoys it (he has little other enjoyment) it's what farmers do! But I see the effect it has on his mood, behavior his depression I know if he just sees it as part of the problem he would get better so much quicker but he just has ever justification under the sun why he shouldn't give it up completely. Am I being unfair? I know he has come so far from this time last year but I'm worried he will never truly get over this if be don't admit he is dependant on alcohol.

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    As an ex-drinker myself I feel pretty qualified to have my say.

    After a hard days work it is easy to have the reward principle in force.

    I tried cutting down, failed miserably.

    However, my GP put me on strong meds for my pain control,,after a fall from a ladder, and I couldn't drink and take painkillers and morphine as well.

    So I stopped drinking, the pain was to much to bear.

    I am sure your GP can prescribe meds to counter the drinking problem but your partner needs to do it as well.

    Mike.

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  • Posted

    Hi, you are a fantastic support to your husband and he his lucky to have you.

    There are 2 things here, he needs to recognise he has a drink problem and address it. You need support too or you will wear out . Running a farm, looking after small children, holding a family together is an enormous strain.

    Try contacting AA and discuss the situation with someone to see if going down this route would help. Unfortunatly untill your husband agrees he has a problem with alcohol and wants help there is little you can do.

    Yes, individuals with drink issues often have a larger than life persona, are the life and soul of a party. However they often fear without it they are a nobody. Try to lift his spirit and explain you love him without the alcohol, what a wonderful person he is without it and make sure there is no alcohol in the house not even for guests.

    AA or similar may be able to support you and offer advice so try them. I am sure they will have experience of situations like you are experiencing and may offer help, advice and support.

    You are doing wonderfully well holding everything together but need support too.

    Often someone who does not know you can be of more help and keeps things private. Good Luck.

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  • Posted

    I'm afraid I'm also qualified to comment but now luckily on the way to being better.

    It's really hard for you obviously, but it's also incredibly difficult for him. To be honest when anyone tried to get involved with my problem I alienated them. To the point now where although getting better I've got no friends or family left.

    So it's delicate. If you push to much he could, well, lash out.

    I know it's cliché but the desire has to come from oneself. You can support only. I don't think it'll do anyone good to keep trying to get him better.

    There's no right answer in my experience. It just has to happen. You said he hit rock bottom. Sorry to tell you he hasn't. That's not rock bottom if it's continuing.

    Rock bottom for me was loosing every single thing I had in my life. Money, people, health job. If he can avoid that it would be brilliant.

    It will probably take something like a serious illness for him to realise it though. I think very few people can realise What's going to Happen till it does

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  • Posted

    Hi Better - sorry to read of your problem. As a former chronic drinker and a life-long sufferer of depression, I can tell you that alcohol is a depressant. Taking alcohol with meds is not a smart move. Unfortunately when we are dealing with issues like addiction, it's a case of you cannot make him quit, he has to want to. Talk to your doctor and the counsellor about it. He will need to be coaxed into seeing that his habit is detrimental to this new element in your lives. You are not being unfair by being concerned with this - you have three precious children to consider and daddy is modelling behaviour they may copy in later years. It's a relief that he has moved on from drinking a bottle of whisky a day - that's a massive amount of alcohol in one sitting. Perhaps he can be weaned from the end-of-day-beers. Maybe suggest lite beer as the next step? Wishing the best in your challenge.

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