Helpless

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My husband disappears, not funny how spouses don't stand, by you and I'm not the only one?

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  • Posted

    Dear Carol

    You have not given us enough information to offer you much support . My first reaction is that we are not all like that and best find a different one<BG>

    Cheers. Richard

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  • Posted

    Hi Carol,

    I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position.

    I live alone so that wasn't much fun either, having to rely on friends for everything, not an easy thing when you are a very independent person.

    However, that being said, I've been blessed with amazingingly wonderful friends and I couldn't have survived this horrible, painful journey without them.

    I am getting around much better now, using a cane and shuffling along...lol

    Chin up Carol, keep thinking positive thoughts and you'll get through this, with or without the husband.

    Take care,

    Deb

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  • Posted

    Hi Carol,

    Some more details on your situation would give us better context. However, yes, no support from my husband as well. Actually my condition made him look for someone else. My therapist and yoga instructor told me that it's very hard to heal your body when you're living under stress at home. I moved out, filed for divorce, and I'm healing faster and pain levels are the lowest. You may want to start thinking about a strategy for your future well being. You're better off alone. My friends were my helpers not my husband of 32 years.

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    • Posted

      Dear Lisa

      I'm so sorry to hear of your experience. Just when you need love and support to up sticks is really horrible.

      I stuck a very difficult marriage for 45 years with verbal abuse and unkindness,for quite a number of those years. Nearly three years ago I had had enough and filed for divorce.

      I think she was deeply shocked as perhaps she had thought that I would always be there for her and tolerate her bad behaviour and unpleasantness.

      I had not realised how all the years of stress had effected my well being but it was still terribly hard to see it through especially as we continued to live in the same house until the day her remove people came and she just went with them without saying a word. As the house had been sold I moved shortly afterwards to rebuild my life in a very different place many miles away.

      Best wishes to everyone who finds themselves in a difficult relationship especially if not well.

      Cheers, Richard

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    • Posted

      I left after 40 years of marriage to a police officer, verbal and mental abuse and put downs.   Just recovering from a broken ankle in August, done it on my own with some help from my daughter who works long hours. I shadow these forums several times a day for support
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    • Posted

      Dear Ann, you would never be able to recover if you were still under those circumstances. It takes a lot of guts to leave a marriage of 40 years. Take good care of yourself.
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  • Posted

    Hi Carol,

    Sad to hear of your unsupportive husband (reading between lines-- you didn't explain what you meant by 'disappears'wink.

    It is unfair to generalize in this way-- people and spouses are all over the map on relationship commitment and devotion.

    I've read of posts from others that mention wonderful, loving support from their helpmate/lovemate spouses.

    But still I sympathize with your hurt and disappointment.

     

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  • Posted

    I clicked on your bio and managed to find the additional information you placed there. You mentioned that you broke your ankle in August and are not expecting to be able to get back to work until December so you were let go at work? I'm surprised they could do that seeing that you are injured (don't you have short term disability with your employer?). That must be really stressful... I can't imagine losing a job that I had worked at for 38 years. I am really lucky because I am in a line of work that enables me to have the option of working from home... very grateful for that, otherwise I would be on our short term disability plan (at a slightly reduced salary for 8 weeks and then a very reduced salary beyond that).

    I am hoping to start physio after my next appointment. I forget how my insurance works for physio, but I was advised to take advantage of it by a co-worker, as the coverage is better than it is for other things (like homeopatic and chiropractic which have really small annual maxes). I believe my co-pay is 20% of the cost until I exhaust the benefits in that category.

    You mentioned a worry about mounting hospital bills... I am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of stress sad I am lucky to live in Canada, so the only bill I got from the hospital was for the crutches and the air cast.... both of which are partially covered by my employer's health insurance plan, so I will get some of that back. There is no fee for the ER visit, the series of x-rays, the plaster cast nor any of the fracture clinic follow-ups (including the phone call to my doc last week). Love our health care system... takes a lot of the stress off of the bills aspect of this for sure!

    I'm glad you have a helpful friend.. friends are great supports in times of need smile 

    You said: "My husband tells me to try to get around more. He is so wrong. We are supposed to do as little as possible.". Is it possible he is trying to be encouraging by saying this, but you just aren't seeing it? Perhaps he feels that if you could get moving and maybe get out of the house it might cheer you up? I don't know your husband of course, so maybe that's totally not it... maybe he's frustrated and not saying these things to you in an encouraging way at all. 

    Did your doctor actually advise you to "do as little as possible"? You must have a very severe break if that is the case. I was advised to be fully NWB at first, but there was no instruction to do as little as possible in my case. In fact, at my first appointment (September 30th) I showed my doctor a knee crutch (an iWalk 2.0) and she encouraged me to order one and start using it right away so I could take walks outside while avoiding weight bearing. Even if you do have to use a wheelchair or other mobility aid it is amazing what getting up and around more can do for you mood and for your recovery progress. I've been bopping around like the energizer bunny (that's my personality anyway... lol), all the while obeying doctor's orders, and I feel it has positively contributed to my recovery so far. 

    I have a decently supportive husband myself, although he definitely does not cater to me... he doesn't have the energy to do that. He's a type 1 diabetic with a great many health challenges of his own to deal with, so I definitely try hard not to place any unnecessary demands on him. He does have to chauffeur me around (as my injured foot is my right one), but I don't expect a lot more than that (and a nice cup of tea when he's making himself one of course wink ).

    If you could tell us more about your situation and injury maybe we could help you more... we definitely like to be good supports around this forum as we are all on various stages of this journey together smile

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear you have little support from your husband. I am blessed to have mine and a great adult  son. They both had to help me the first two months after my injury and hospitalization. They are still very supportive as I learn how to walk properly again. 

    I’m really independent and this experience has taught me so much.  I know I can count on them and not my mother or sister.  My mother in law was wonderful as were my friends and coworkers. 

    I believe “in sickness” shows you who you can depend on in all relationships whether it be spouses, siblings, friends etc. 

    Home healthcare may help you but it depends on your insurance or financial situation.  I hope things improve for you. 

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