Herpes

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I think I have herpes because I have an itchy rectum? I had testicular cancer when I was 18 and had a proesthetic testicle put in. I was there scared to have a relationship because this made me self conscious. I do not have outbreaks but my penis is scarred around where I urinate from. It has caused me depression for years and suicidal thoughts. I had one night stands and was mostly safe but got drunk. I am extremely self conscious about the scars! I want to die! I don't want to die a lonely old man. If I meet a pretty girl she will run a mile if I am honest and I have feelings of guilt but always try to be safe. Please help, any advice? 

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  • Posted

    Hi David, an itchy rectum could be anything from hemorrhoids to an irratition from a foreign substance or natural bacteria - it may not be herpes at all. Sometimes we all convince ourselves of things that may not be as bad as we fear.

    It is always best to deal with facts. So if you haven't seen a Doctor specifically about the concerns you have written about - Please schedule a visit right away for a physical and during the exam, ask the Doctor to take a look at Each concern. AND believe me, the Doctors have most likely seen the same thing many times before - so DO NOT feel embarrassed at all.. You should also mention your depression and thought of wanting to die and the reasons for feeling that way. However, after you get the facts you may no longer feel that way.

    Can you help me undersand a few things - I have a few questions..

    - Most males, many from the US, have scarring from circumcision. So the look may not be as uncommon as you fear. - What is the scaring around your penis from?

    - Where exactly is it located - at the urethera?, behind the head/glandis, on the foreskin, or on the shaft? etc..

    - Have you been diagnosed by a Doctor regarding the possibility of having herpes or you only think it could be a possibility that you have it?

    - Are you scared to have a relationship because of the proesthetic, the fear of having herpes, or the scarring?

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Matt, I am not sure what the scars are from but had them quite a while. I told my previous girlfriends about the proesthetic and they were fine. When I was young I was worried about it and I am still now. The scars are round the urethera. I am going to the doctors next week to open up. I sometimes feel as though the medical professionals are not very sympathetic about your issues and they are immune to people complaining. I just want a relationship whereby I can be entirely honest and someone can love me for the person I am. This has bothered me for years. Only one girlfriend said something about the scars, she said they were a bit red. 
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    • Posted

      Hi David, that is good news about your doctors appt next week. I'm sure many of your fears and questions will be put to rest.

      I know what you mean. Some Doctors don't seem to be sympathetic. Most likely because they have seen so many of the same issues and they may also know the issue is not life threatening -  and some may not be very congenial, because it's not in their nature.  

      When you do see the Doctor, it may be a good idea to tell him you have been very concerned about a few things   for a long time and have finally gotten the courage to ask a professional. I would also write down a few quick notes to remind yourself of everything you wanted to ask - and don't be shy - tell him in clear upfront language the issues and what you want to know... For instance, "what is this around my urethea and is it common"..  

      As far as your proesthetic, I don't think there are many people that could tell he difference one way or the other - personally I don't see the need to tell each partner about it - unless you begin to get serious and think you may be destine for marriage and children - and if you still have one testis you most likely can still have children anyway.

      If you do find you have Herpes, (which is not uncommon) you may want to share that info with your partners, so they can make an informed decission about sex.  Going forward - Always play safe !  Let me know how your meeting turns out, I'm sure it's going to help you a lot... Matt

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks Matt. I have only told women I was in love with about the testicle and unfortunately I am no longer in touch with some of the women I have had serious relationships with. I am going to tell the doctor everything and see what happens. The doctors might say it is not life threatening but for me it is. I am always so scared to talk to a woman about it because they might judge me. Once the doctor tells me what the problem is or if they can help make the scars less visible I am considering a herpes dating site should that be the diagnosis. At least that way I can be honest and the person will know how I feel. I sometimes wish I had never been born but now I hoping to change my outlook on life and go from there but I cannot help feeling depressed. 
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    • Posted

      Most everyone feels that way sometimes and each one of us has imperfections (or what we perceive as imperfections)..  As time goes on we learn and grow. Some of the things we thought were horrible, we find out are not as bad as it seems. Either way we learn to understand, accept, and deal with what ever it is and simply move foreward - and always realize, what ever the problem, we are not alone. There are many, many others with the same issues. If you do get a diagnosis that worries you - ask the Doctor if he can refer you to someone to talk about it as well as your depression. Hang in there and keep moving forward.

      I'm looking foreward to learning the outcome. Matt

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    • Posted

      I went to the doctor today and mentioned the scars and the fact I thought I had genital herpes and I mentioned my depression. He basically said go to the sexual health clinic and get tested for it. He didn't care about the scars. He mentioned talking to a councillor and I said I didn't see the point because it solves nothing so he said what do you want me to do about it. He said go get yourself checked and then maybe we can get you some anti-depressants. Thanks doc! 
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    • Posted

      Hi David, I have encountered the same type of Doctors in the past. In reality they are just like everyone else - except they have degrees that say they are a Dr's.. I kept trying different Dr's until I found one that takes takes a serious look at everything and if he doesn't know the answer, he refers me to a specialist or someone that does...  However, the advise he gave you, to go to a sexual health clinic seems valid, because they would be considered the specialists on std's and most likely have seen the same symptoms you have described. The goal is to First find out  IF   you actually have herpes and IF the scars are abnormal or how they can be remedied. It may also be a good idea to talk to a cosmetic surgeon, about which office to visit to comfortably discuss your scars and if anything should be done about it. 

      Never give up on those things that are important to you or that bother you this much. Do what you have to to get the answers.  After you get the answers, your depression related to it may completely go away. if you haven't already spoken to a councilor,  then definitely talk it out with one that specialises or is familiar with that area of concern. The sexual health clinic may be able to help you find a councilor that can help. I know you can find the answers and I am looking forward to a sucessful outcome. Stay in touch, Matt

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    • Posted

      I have made an appointment for the 14th of July with the clinic. I told the woman how I feel. I don't think the scars can be removed and I would be scared off surgery in case they made it worse. I spoke to a councillor before and although it helped it solved nothing. I will keep you updated. Talking helps but for me this is the worst thing that could.have happened to me, would rather die.
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  • Posted

    Hi David, That is great news about your appointment on 07/14/14 and taking control of one of the concerns that has bothered you for so long.

    You have a point about surgery, but it still wouldn't hurt to show someone that specialises in body scars and get the facts on the options that are available, or better yet find out that it is not uncommon at all. 

    I have felt the same way about some things that have consumed me as well. It is amazing how we can focus on what we perceive to be a major flaw..  Many times, I have dwelled on things, to the point that I sometimes over react and also wish i never existed - BUT I do not feel that way now. As for my personal concerns - as time has passed I really don't feel the same way. Infact, what once consumed me, doesn't affect me at all now... I have gotten all the facts, changed everything I could - and accepted what I couldn't change.. Also, the more people I meet and talk to, I find out we are all working on our own set of flaws and shortcomings.

    So hang in there, get the facts on what ever it is, and work toward resolving, accepting and understanding each one and keep moving foward.

    and Thanks for follow up. Matt

     

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    • Posted

      The docs are unsure about my scars and say they cant test me. I still have an itchy rectum and never have outbreaks or attacks but the scars are obvious. I also always feel unwell which is a symptom of herpes. I feel my immune system is weakened and I feel I am in limbo and the doctors are not taking me seriously. If I cannot have it confirmed I do not know where to go from here. I am seeking medical help as my mental health has been affected in a big way as I feel I have wasted my life and am living an existence that is pointless. 
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    • Posted

      Hi David, do not feel alone. We all have things we must deal with. The key for me is to find a way to deal with the things I cannot change. Definitely talk with a mental health specialist, it may help to understand your concerns.
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