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Herpes and starting a new relationship

Posted , 4 users are following.

tara69187
tara69187

So I am slowly coming to terms with the fact I have herpes type one in my system. I was only told a week ago officially that I have it but the clinic said I probably have it about two weeks (ish) ago when I had a break out. My break out was only one tiny sore which lasted a week and a half, I didn't take any medication just cleared up on it's own (which made me think should I get re tested rolleyes as this was confusing!) I think that I have a healthy life style eating and drinking the right stuff (minus the Christmas binge).

Anyway ... Being 25 and single I now have a worry of will I pass this on to a guy and will anyone ever be supportive and understand this. I was told by the clinic if I have no symptoms and sores I can have sex without a condom ... Yet I have been reading a lot online (which I know is not always good) which states herpes can shread even with out sores ..! How risky is it to have sex with out a condom if I am clear free of sores?

I have started dating a guy who I really like and we are getting to a stage where he's asking me to stay over, I'm scared and freaking out! I would be mortified if I give it to him but at the same time I haven't built up enough trust to have the balls to tell him I have this.

My mind is all over the place! Help!

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus tara69187

    Posted

    Well, as I noted in the other discussion thread, Type 1 doesn't outbreak or shed nearly as much as Type 2, but new infections generally shed more than established ones, especially during the first 3-4 months, so I would still be cautious. Since this is a new guy, I wouldn't have sex without a condom anyway. Not until you know that it's serious, etc. With a condom and no outbreak, the risk is obviously reduced. If he has ever had cold sores, then he should be protected regardless, but exceptions sometimes exist.
    • tara69187
      tara69187 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you Hun! I guess at the moment where I'm new with this I'm constantly thinking about this and overthinking everything. I know if I have an understanding I can learn to live with this.
  • jessb1738
    jessb1738 tara69187

    Posted

    I was exactly the same! I drove myself insane everyday wondering how I would ever be able to tell someone about my little lifelong friend! ... ( HSV2 ) lol ... But luckily I found an amazing guy who completely accepts me for who I am and what I have! ... He said I'm still the same person as before, still look the same, personality is no different etc ,.. Which is true! Nothing has changed I am still me and you are still you! The right person will accept you and love you no matter what, it is also like a little filter to help sort the good guys from the bad.

    If you feel like you can't trust him yet and you aren't ready to tell him, then don't. The way I brought it up was talking about Charlie sheen but obviously made sure he didn't think I had HIV ... Give it a while longer and build up the confidence and courage to talk to him about this. I personally feel there is no rush to tell someone just as long as you notify them before sex!

    I'm now in a happy healthy relationship we have sex and use condoms and I'm on meds! ... There is good to come from this little friend lol,

    Best of luck xxx

  • Sabrina55
    Sabrina55 tara69187

    Posted

    tara -- I'm dealing with a new diagnosis as well.  Surprisingly, I was contacted by two gents I have dated (but not intimate with) in the past.  I made the decision to be candid -- telling each of them I was not dating due to HSV1.  The first said he wasn't worried about HSV1, and if we got to that point, it would be something we could manage.  I was so touched by a supportive, mature response I had to hide the fact from him that I was tearing up.  The second gent, who I told the same thing, said....."me too."  He's HSV2 (has been for decades, no OBs for years and years).  So, while I assume there will be some rejection in my future, now I know it won't be *just* rejection, and I may find out that more folks than I realized are in our 'club'

    While this is a game changer, to say the least, it is not a death sentence (nor a death knell for your love life).  The asymptomatic shedding is frustrating, though, I understand your angst on that subject!

    • tara69187
      tara69187 Sabrina55

      Posted

      Thank you for sharing this Sabrina. This helps a lot. I plan to tell this guy I'm dating next time I see him. Now because I have a better understanding I can explain it in a way so not to scare him off (I hope). If he does freak then that I guess tells me this is someone I don't need in my life.

      You are so right I might be surprised to even meet someone who shares this!

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