Herpies ruined my relationship

Posted , 3 users are following.

Sadly I'm writing this from my former boyfriends bed. I picking up my newly started life here and going back to my old city. 

I knew he had it. It was his honesty that made me love him and trust him so. We we're as careful as we could be. Only becoming intimate when there were no signs of Break outs. And he took once daily Valtrex.

This past Monday morning he woke up with a tiny sore we both didn't see the night before( we were intimate...but my girl time ended that session before we basically started. Sorry T.M.I) and it's Thursday and now I'm going home...it all happened so fast. He's upset with himself that he really put me at risk and thinks it's better for me, if I just went back home.

Logically I agree. But the other part of me is so angry. Not at him but the situation. And I'm angry at the person who gave this to him....And possibly to me. Even though she might not know she has it. But if he's dealt with Herpes for the few years he's had....I'm sure his giver knows by now.

I'm depressed, scared, overwhelmed, anxious and angry. I'm praying all the time for him. As for me these silver linings are becoming more obscure with my fleeting thoughts....

We agreed to stay friends. And he said he'd visit in the spring to check on me...I just don't know...

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Posted

    okey.. I am really sorry if I am to direct!!

    First of all I am girl and i am 21, i have herpes for like an year may be and from a month i have boyfriend. He doesnt really care that i have this and probably now he has it also. Because he likes me a lot and in his opinion this is not something thats deadly, you can live with this!!! This doesnt define who u are or what u doing.. 

    So from the expierence i ve got so far in the beginning i was very depressed but the then i realise that something i can live with, .... and u and ur boyfriend broke up cuz of something like this ....apperantly u dont love each other that much... 

    My advice to u is to talk to him cuz herpes is nothing u ve got it for few weeks than it goes away iTs all good.. He just have to learn to live with it and so do u!

  • Posted

    Hello Sally,

    I'm really sorry about what's happened to you.

    Herpes can be a very big thing when you get hit by it. But it's not a big deal in the long run when you come to terms with it. I guess living with someone who has herpes has made you to learn more about the disease and be cautious.

    I understand the frustration and anger at the situation you are currently facing and I understand your boyfriend's anger at exposing you to the disease.

    In my opinion, you are giving herpes unneeded credit. Why should herpes ruin your relationship? Your love for each other is all that counts. It's not YET certain that you have herpes, if you haven't had an outbreak yet. Why throw away your happiness for a disease that shouldn't take so much place in your life anyway?

    I think you have to sort out your feelings for each other first. If you think your relationship is still valid excluding the herpes, then you both need to sit down and re-organise your life together with herpes in the picture. If it turns out you have herpes then you will just need not to be intimate during an outbreak.

    I got contaminated by my husband during oral sex. I was really angry at him for sometime because unlike your boyfriend he didn't tell me he had herpes. You can imagine how angry I was when I discovered he had kept that from me and only said so when I got the virus. At least in your case, you knew the situation and took precaution. I wasn't even given that choice, just found myself with the accomplished act. He expected me to leave him. After reading about the illness and talking to my best friend I decided to give him a chance because I still loved him despite that. I'm just saying if you still love your boyfriend and him you, then this is just a difficult step in your relationship that you have to overcome together with medication, precaution, healthy eating etc.

    Another point to consider is, if it turns out that you have herpes there is going to be a real dilemma when you have to date again and having to tell someone you have herpes. It can be difficult if you meet someone who is close minded but of course you can meet someone who is open minded and wouldn't mind about your condition. It's a 50-50 situation. You wouldn't have that with your boyfriend.

    In my opinion you can take out time to think about things, Let the steam off and ask yourselves some vital questions about your feelings and then see if you want to get back together or go your separate ways. It's your relationship and you are best placed to answer some questions.

    Good luck smile

    • Posted

      Thanks I appreciate your words.

      It's hard to talk about things when all I'm hearing from him is how he thinks it's best for me.

      And at the job I'm at here I'm not full time as of yet so I don't have the benefits right now to pay for my own medicine.

      I filled out so many applications for full time work and nothing seems to be biting the hook here where I live.

      Maybe there are underlying causes as to why we are ending things. I almost feel like he wanted to break up long ago. I have a more relaxed hopeful approach to things whereas he worries and questions a lot.

      And of course there's herpes...I told him in talks we've had before. That I did my research and found herpes is common. Still doesn't mean anyone deserves to get it, or that it's a good thing anyone has it. If there were a perfect world I would hope that should herpes existed that outbreaks would be on a more predictable schedule. Give us at least that much right? So no one is surprised by a sudden break...anyway tangent aside. 

      My feelings for him are strong. But deep down I feel there is no pleasing him. Right this minute.

      Maybe it's still best I leave, even after we talked things out.

  • Posted

    Hey Sally I hate to say this but from a guys point of view it seems like he is using this as an excuse to break it off with you! Just saying! It sucks that he can't just man up and tell you that he would rather be friends then use his herpes as the reason. He's NOT going to stay single and stop having SEX RIGHT?!! it's just a lame way to get out of the relationship! But don't trip there are PLENTY of fish in the sea who will apreciate you!

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