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Just thought I'd ask sitting here slowing getting drunk as i;m off work on leave this week. Lots of thoughts and feelings going on at the moment.. Even in my stupidiity went to see the nurse on Monday to look at one of my wounds as it was oozing green pus and kept bleeding, defeats the object of self harming when you go to get it treated in my eyes so do I care????. she was very caring didn't ask too many questions and she had even read my notes beforehand and sat after treatemnt listening to me rumbling on about nothing.and something. Felt so stupid and wasting her time. Currently feel numb, calm blank as i don't have to go to work. i had planned to disappear this week after my sisters 60th birthday which is today. Have spoken to her. text etc done stuff to keep people happy, not necessarily me to think that I am doing ok. Even got my car mended today spent fortune, as unsure about the brakes so it is safe to drive so I don't hurt anyone else on the road. Sorry I'm rambling but I am lonely bored fed up had enough. Know where i am goiing tomorrow, I feel again calm calculated about this. Maybe i'm not as iam writing on here I just donlt know anything anymore. don't want to go back to work next week. Spent time sat out in the countryside in the sun listening to birdsong and enjoying the snowy mountains lost in my world. too today. Sorry for the mess on here and sorry if I don't answer anyone I jsut can't face talking to anyone otehrwise i would ring the Samaritans but saying stuff out loud just sounds so wrong so write something might help. Hope this makes sense to someone................................................... x
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