Hey it's me again... I have been depressed for over a year now.

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I have experienced depression ever since I was 13 years old.  I have battled a bad case of depression for over a year now, and it just seems like it's never going to end.  It has gotten so bad, that I am starting to realize that I am now a person I know deep down I am not.   I have started 10th grade and I work 6 hours on both Saturdays and Sundays, And Yes I know you might think that is a bad recipe for depression and I know it.   It feels like it is never going to end, and I will just feel empty the rest of my life, and just knowing that makes me to the point where I can hardly function at night.   I lost two great people in my life both last year and this year whom I cared about and they were a big part of my life.  and now they are gone.     It's  like no matter what I do, I always end up having to deal with the stuff I would want to forget.  trust me if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat.   

The main reason why I haven't taken my life is because I fear that it would hurt the people I love the most and make them feel like it was their fault.    All I WANT IS FOR THE PAIN TO END!!!!!!

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    I can completely understand where your coming from.. I lost a good friend to 6 years it's been and still hurts. Have seen a therapist at all? If not try to. Talking about ur problems helps it relieves stress off your shoulders. They might give you better medicine to help.  Other like helps me a lot. Us soft relax music app like Yoga. I know it might seem boring or dumb. But trust me. When you feel in that stage. Give it try. Sit in silents listening to that music. You don't have to do the yoga. But the music can help you. Breath deeply think positive thoughts.   I have manic depression.  I thought this was dumb to. Till I tryed.   Hope this helps I'm sure others will reply. Keep ur chin up. Ur not alone in this 

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  • Posted

    I feel like you too. You're in 10th grade so that means you're 16. Please don't do it. You have so much too live for. You have all your life ahead of you. You're very young. I'm sorry for both your losses. My condolences🙌🙏I hope you get better. I know that  empty feeling too well. Its a symptom of depression. I suffer from depression too. I've had it since I was 4 though. I know it may be hard to grasp. But at that age I was depressed over some things that happened. I'm a 25 yr old female now. My female teacher and my dad caused my problems. I would cry at night. His anger outbursts, the problems at home and at school. Teacher would pull my hair and grab me from my ear. Yell at me humiliate me in front of everyone. Anyways that's all in the past they can't hurt me now. Just the flashbacks and reminiscing on the past. Depression has destroyed me too. I feel exactly like you said, "I'm not the person that I was." This is not me. Please get help. I don't understand why you are working I don't understand the circumstances. I've seen teenagers work but I feel this could be affecting you even more since you're depressed. You should be focused in school only.  I know I don't know what's going on, it may be that you need to provide for your family. I don't really know. But I hope you get better. Try to get therapy. Have you talked to the school counselor... They could help you too. Please don't do it. When we're depressed we do things we will later regret. By your words you sound like a very mature 10th grader. 👍 I really hope you get better and find help for your depression. Good Luck👍🙏🙌

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  • Posted

    Hi Jared - so sorry to read of what you are going through. Loss is part of life - even mature aged people have trouble dealing with it. Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? It would be a positive move to have them make an appointment for you with the doctor where you can discuss what is happening. If you feel you cannot express this to your parents, then, as 9999 has suggested, talk to your counsellor at school, or your favourite teacher, or any adult you feel you can approach. Unfortunately depression is not like a broken arm that will heal itself, it needs to be confronted and dealt with.  Added to that is the trauma of the losses you have endured which I suspect have not been addressed, and which can fester within if not brought out into the light in a safe, non-judgemental environment, like a counsellor's office or with a therapist. Talk to someone mate, you may be surprised how much help you will get. You will learn about yourself, understand triggers for depression and pick up coping skills to deal with any issues down the line. 

    Lastly, suicide is not the answer. As you say, those who are left will always wonder why, whether they did something to burden you, what they didn't do that might have helped you. It's a mental torment with no answer, and they have to live the rest of their lives with that. Sad and awful. Another perspective on suicide is that we are so trapped in our bodies and in our particular world view as individuals that it's hard - even impossible - to appreciate how important we are to so many events/people in the daily dynamic existing around us. You don't want to take that step only to find that you have made a dreadful mistake that simply cannot be undone - that would be as painful for you as your loss will be to those you love. We have a duty to explore absolutely every avenue available before resorting to the final, irretrievable step of suicide. Remember you are not alone. We are always here to talk.

    So, Jared, take action, talk to that adult, make that appointment, express yourself, and do it today. It's a journey. It won't happen overnight. But it won't happen at all if you don't act. 

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  • Posted

    I exactly know where your coming from. Because my son Lucas was 16 he had suffered with depression starting at 13. He shut himself out of everybody or at least try to. Has a mother seeing him like this and begging him to let me in. He just would not talk to anybody. I feel my heart is broken and literally a piece of my body is missing. You want to give yourself a pat on the back for putting up this post because it takes guts to share things even with strangers. Please for me can you talk to your parents ask them to take you to see a gp who will suggest the next step. Don't hide in silence about this because it will only get worse their are caring professionals out there that can help. You do need to focus on what's around you and how your family will feel it will rip them apart and they will never get over this. Think of what you want to do in the future and follow your dreams don't let depression take over your mind. Speaking to someone is great therapy so you can get it off your chest. 

    Please keep in touch to tell me how you are getting on.

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  • Posted

    Hi jared 16181,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    I have tried everything you guys have offered.  Nothing helps and every time it gets worse.     Who knows maybe it will get better,  Maybe it will get so bad that it gets to the point where I can no longer take it anymore and snap. 

    That doesn't scare me because it has happened before.   I will say that I have had two to three suicide attempts in the past,  I don't see a future that I might have. Nothing never gets better because it has been doing that since I was in 6th grade but it wasn't as bad back then.

     

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