His first PTSD episode with me, he goes to work but ghosting me. So confused...
Posted , 4 users are following.
I've been dating a really amazing guy the past few months. We have quite a few things in common and he's told me the biggest attractions for him were that we're both veterans and from the same country. Similar childhoods but there's an underlying, unspoken bond we've seemed to have developed along with the similarities. We've both been transparent about areas we struggle with. For me it's anxiety. His is PTSD. While I have some understanding about PTSD (I'm a health care professional) I've really tried to amp up my research on what its like. He's told me quite a bit about what happens when he's triggered but doesn't really have any specifics on what his triggers are. From all he's confided in me, I believe that his PTSD is tied to abandonment. He's faced so much alone. My heart breaks thinking about it at times.
Adding to this new relationship, we're also long distance.....for now. After my most recent visit to see him, things seemed better than ever. Although now it's been about 5 days since I've heard from him. Since we met about 4 months ago I've never gone a day without hearing his voice and with my anxiety....needless to say it's been a pretty s****y 5 days. He did let me know he can shut down for days once he's triggered but idk if this is what that is. My anxiety is totally different from what he may experience, that I know and from what he's confided in me, he's (in my mind) one of the most amazing humans I've ever met. I'm struggling with how to help him, calm my own madness and not drive him crazy during this possible detachment but I'm really lost and concerned for him.
Is this response normal? Could me being so far at the present be a trigger? Totally lost like I stated but I genuinely wanna be here for him and help if at all possible.
0 likes, 6 replies
sam18386 sabrina51118
Posted
Hi Sabrina, i think PTSD is really difficult to live with. I should know first hand i suffer with it. You both need support with it, PTSD is really hard to cope with alone and especially without support. Given that you find things tough yourself you could see about joint counselling maybe? It could help you to understand each other. Take each day 1 at a time, what else can you do? You obviously care about this man ; that's great to begin with. I wish you luck to you both.
sabrina51118 sam18386
Posted
Thanks Sam. I won't lie to you and say I understand but my heart goes out to all sufferers. For some of my battle buddies it's almost debilitating and as a supporter it's a helpless feeling to bear witness. I am considering approaching him with the idea of joint counseling but I know (even for myself) counseling can be a really frustrating process as well. Unfortunately there aren't many clinicians out there that can be explicitly focused on patient progress so until we both find one we're comfortable with, that's another issue in itself but I'm ready to try my absolute best for us both. I appreciate the vote of confidence, I'll need it lol!
sam18386 sabrina51118
Posted
Hi Sabrina, as PTSD is now seen as a recognised condition you could ask your doctor if this man that you really love ( you can see that) needs help with a PTSD counsellor who are especially trained to deal with PTSD, it might make him feel slightly happier knowing you're going to really support him. It's a long difficult road but with the right support and someone he loves by his side he may be able to go through with it. I wish you both luck. I have had to sadly come to the decision to have support with this because of the severe flashbacks i had. I am female and i am having assault based counselling. It's exceptionally hard.
john23172 sabrina51118
Posted
Hi Sabrina
I think you should start thinking of yourself, take time to breathe and learn to
meditate, you will be surprised by the results.
John
karl79040 sabrina51118
Posted
Meditation is not the answer.
I have it, I tried this morning, Look a shoe doesnt fir every size. but homiopathic remidies dont work.
Love works, treating a person normal works, Count the times u say are u OK... have a night out. I always sit in the back where i can see everything. solo for me camping , 4wd type stuff is good for me, I play music, fish and just hear the birds, and nature. PTSD is serious , but we are not the plauge... just shaky, nervous, we hear things u dont , and see everything. like its already happened. All is not lost ...Hope in numbers like this site, I hurt, and i hope for you. Look this is painfull, full feeling of guilt always. Agression and anger, its not fair. I give up. all of this i go thought every day.. I find help in metal work, like jessie james. ... or car racing. Hobbies, like dones. super cool and fun. I try to see how far a cheap one willl go .. LOL. my last shot was 500 meters, or yards up hill, and i hit it from a standing position with a 308 4x9,,, hunting scope. in and out . I aim to kill. 5 football fields for the ifiot and it was up hill.
now im getting angry, but, hope is in words.
sabrina51118 karl79040
Posted
I've been told by a few individuals to just keep things as normal as possible which I know, I appreciate as well when I have my own moment. Guess one of my concerns is (hopefully) finding out what his triggers are to help make whatever space we're in the least agitating. He does have hobbies which seem to bring him peace and that's great but it also throws me in a really awkward space with him in this isolation bout he goes in to. I feel pretty helpless and can't even imagine what he might be going through that has him shutting down so far on a social level. Don't wanna push, pry or irritate him but figure maybe once he gets through this episode, maybe asking what I can do at times like this to help? IDK, this just really sucks and as you stated, everyone reacts differently and that's hard as hell. I'll definitely continue to support him and stay hopeful as much as possible. Hopeful we can find some activities we can do together as well to get him more comfortable in knowing I'm here. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well. I'm sure it's not easy and all the effort you put in to help yourself is not overlooked. Thanks for sharing and words of advice.