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Hit a slight low

Posted , 4 users are following.

sadie_dee70150
sadie_dee70150

So Saturday is usually my wake up with a bit of excitement as it would be the thought that it's my night I get to binge drink. I would wait all week & binge on Saturday, Sunday & Monday & the cycle would repeat every week. This will be my third Saturday & weekend of no drinking - I am 15 days no booze ( although generally I would not drink Tues through Fri ) but this morning I woke up thinking what have I got to look forward to? I feel a bit lost & low. Yes I have a nice life with my husband, child & dog so  why do I feel like this? Last weekend was easier but I am missing the looking forward to the booze to the warm feeling it gives me. The high I felt from not drinking has lowered for sure.

Something I know is I will not go & buy a bottle of booze & secretly drink it like I usually would of - that is over. I just think of my husband & child & say to myself you can't let them down. I am hoping this will pass that this is just today a bad day. The not looking forward to it is the part that is getting to me so once I've hit drink O'clock & I'm not drinking it may subside. 

Sadie x

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • vickylou
    vickylou sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    In my experiences, you’ve reached the point where medication helps so much, whether it be TSM or campral.

    Youve woken up thinking about alcohol. It’s a really common feeling and is where I would always lose my will and give in. I’d try and justify it by telling myself, “well I’ve gone 15 days without a drink, so I deserve a treat, it’s not harming anyone!”

    You have done really well, and good to see that you’ve admitted how you feel and very honest. Thankfully I’m sure you won’t give in. Look at the positives. Have you thought of telling your husband how you feel?, a problem shared etc. Nothing wrong in admitting your feelings, much better than pretending everything is fine.

    Best of luck, keep going and post as often as you like

    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 vickylou

      Posted

      Hi VickyLou,

      It is so difficult in Ireland to get prescribed the meds I went to my doc last year & she had never even heard of TSM - I brought her in printouts about it, discussed it with her but to no avail she didn't feel comfortable prescribing me the meds & told me I would find it near impossible to go this route here. She gave me the name of a doctor in the country that may prescribe but upon research he does not prescribe as The Sinclair Method. To try go through this process again I feel would be so much hassle. 

      I woke  up not exactly craving the alcohol  as in the taste or the drink in my hand I had the feeling of what do I have to look forward to anymore as it was the source of my pleasure maybe by numbing everything. Now I have to feel the boredom that I feel, the excitement that doesn't rise in me about normal things etc.. I miss looking forward to something that is my reward like you say. 

      I didn't drink & I knew I wouldn't- old me would of I'm sure- I just can't go back to living that way. I need  to go through this I hope to come out the other side. I am starting to feel low & depressed but these are  the feelings I must of been masking with the alcohol. I probably have to face up to those feelings now. I drank to calm my anxiety & feelings of dread etc.. It relaxed me everything was great while I was intoxicated I thought it was the best feeling in the world. That is not living but I don't know yet what living is without it. It was my friend who made everything feel better & now I am on my own. I could talk to my husband but I don't think he can fully grasp it. i don't want him thinking is he not enough?  Is our son not enough? He has felt low himself over the last 2/3 years & I don't know if I caused that with my secret drinking so I carry a lot of guilt too. I wish I could just be happy go lucky & make it better.

      Thank you for our reply. I am hoping I feel different tomorrow x

       

  • rachel24065
    rachel24065 sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    Hi Sadie

    I was a daily drinker but have now got it down to just Friday & Saturday (since New Year) and I have done this without meds. 

    I have read several books about giving up, which has helped me massively! I can let you know the names of them in a pm if you’re interested. I have also acknowledged and addressed my cravings rather than trying to suppress them. I do this by picturing the words on clouds and then I just nudge them along so that they are replaced by clear clouds. Sounds barmy I know, but seems to work for me!

    Am planning on this weekend being my last of drinking as have work commitments for the next 2 weekends so hopefully that will help me knock it on the head completely. 

    Well done for getting this far!

    Stay strong cos you’ve got this!! 👍

    Rachel x

    • sadie_dee70150
      sadie_dee70150 rachel24065

      Posted

      Hi Rachel,

      Yes I would really appreciate if you could pm me the name of those books thank you. I had gotten myself down to the weekends a few years ago but was finding I would want to just keep going once I got started. I feel like I am mourning the loss of my crutch & relaxer at home. I feel the depression I have been suppressing with the alcohol is now rising. Today I felt really low, sad & aggravated & before I would just push that aside by having my  drinks in the evening & the looking forward to it made me feel happier now I just have to feel that feeling maybe work through it for the next while & it will get better. 

      I hope you can knock the weekends on the head if that is what you want Rachel.I understand what you mean by picturing your thoughts.

      Thanks for your  reply & I look forward to your pm. xxx

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