Homesickness, Anxiety, Depersonalization & hyperawareness of exisitence. Could use some advice!
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Hi all,
I recently moved across the country and have found it to be quite difficult. For some background info, I lived with my family since I was 21. Before then, when I was in university (I dropped out) I attempted to live on residence at 19 but cried my eyes out and felt weird and went back home. Once I went home the feelings went away. I am currently 23 going on 24. I moved out 2 years ago to move into an apartment with my husband in a city that was 5 hours away from my home. I was sad at first but it slowly went away. Especially once I started working. I was also still activiely seeing my family via drives and during holidays.
Fast forward, my husband and I no longer wanted to live in a city anymore and moved out west. It is extremely far from my family. However, one of my sisters (whom I dont share a very close relationship to) lives out here with her family. I noticed before I left to move out west I randomly got an anxiety attack before my flight and felt "detached" from my body. This eventually led to me experiencing random bouts of sadness, hopelessness and feeling stuck upon living in our new space. For some reason this change has caused me to experience a great deal of stress and I found myself having panic attacks frequently, and mood changes. Soon the anxiety manifested as depersonalization where I would get flashes of feelings where I would feel like im not inside my body and am detached or observing my reality.
I also started experiencing intrusive thoughts regarding the nature of exisitence and questining reality which worsened the detatched feeling. I now have fears of going crazy, & losing myself. It also led to me being so hyper aware of my exisitence that I feel almost stuck and uncomfertbe in my body. During my day, I find myself constantly reaching out to my family for help and having periods where I start hating where I am and the desicsion I made to move here. I also start glossing over where I was before even if it wasn't the absolute best.
nonethless I really love life. I have a great husband and a strong support system back at home. I do have pre-exisiting anxiety but never experienced depression at all. These feelings im experiencing are really out of character for me and some days its easy while others it feels almost close to suffering trying to cope and get though my day.
any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
(apologies for spelling errors, I was quite lazy to fix)
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vzahredd
Posted
Another thing to add is I really dont do well with large change in general. It makes me feel anxious and odd/different. Its really hard to explain the feeling. But being here I feel different. Almost as if I teleported into a alternate reality (although rationally this was said in a metaphorical sense). I cant shake that feeling. It slowly fades when Im with people im familliar with and go out and do stuff such as going out and exploring with my husband or enagaing in things we used to do back at where we used to live in the city.