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so, here is my story. i had been extreamly active as a kid/young adult. i was chasing after the effect of adrellan. i guess to mask emotiional pain. any way @ age 31 i had an accident surfing where i almost twisted 300 degress at waist. this happend around 5am. thank god for an off duty lifeguard walking his dog at the time. he got me out of water. i had no insurance at the time of accident but was in process of getting it. so i waited and after it kicked in i went to doc. turns out i tore my left sciatic about 30% had hernaited discs at all the "L" and s1 the found stenosis. i was unabe to walk for a year and the pain from the nerve was @8 24 hrs a day. i attempted sucide 2x one an od on morphine and 2nd i set my self on fire . from the pain... anyway i finally had a doc that cared. he gave me norco and Fentanyl 75mcg every 48 hours patch... my quality of life went from 1% to 60 in a month.. i started walking again and was dealing with depression. pain level stayed same but i was able to function. after 10 years of both meds i quit the norco cause i hated the effect. then the other shoe dropped. my caring doc retired and my gp took the responsiabilty of the Fentanyl. he hated it and was pressured from above to get me off. they offerd no other option. he resitied about 5 years they was forced to cut me to 50mcg every 72 hrs... i was in same pain but in constant dope sickness. i requested a specialst and had to wait 2 weeks. during that time my gp wanted to goto 25mcg @72hrs. i gave up and quit. didnt refill the rx...HOLY F'ING S@@T! i started with vomiting and #2 like every 10 min.. i would take my shrink meds and the pill would come out whole from #2! i was having audio and visual hallunactions 24/7 so after 2 weeks of hell i get to see this doc.... he forces me to go cold turkey and says it the hardest thing i will ever do. at this point i am having full seziours (full body) and massive depression... like on a knifes edge. add to it the pain is still there. anyway, come to find i have nerve damage down lefty leg with full unvoluntary cramping and half of left foot is numb. add to it i cant feel hot of cold so now have 2nd deg burn from hot water. doc dont care... so i say f -it. mind over matter... i am now at 3 months with nothing in me. the pain is making me want to give up. but! i am almost thru the gi issues the vomiting is still bad but only when i eat. i still have the audio/visual hullanitions (walls/floor breathing and motion trails) add to all this my past/deamons are rushing forward in my head and am forced to address them. but i want every one to know that im happy to be off. im 100% clean after 16 years and the pain is the same, i guess what happend is that my receptors were flooded and they couldnt function so the meds wernt working. i was just maintaining my sickness.the Fentanyl did hide emotional stuff for me but not much else. i am starting to see the light @ end of all this now and expect atleast 6 months to a year for the deposited Fentanyl to fully go away. the good stuff, i no longer sweat... i would soak myself in snow! i nolonger scratch my feet to point of sores. and my head is out of fog. my quality of life sucks a-hole but @ 1 day at a time i make progress. btw i am @ 3 months now
all i can say is keep fighting! do not give up! it does get better.... it will be the hardest thing youll do but it can be done. the is a good drug just not for long term.
if you are going thru this please know life improves! just take it 1 min @ a time. if anyone has questions or complaints hit me up.
ps... i aint gonna bother with spell check or grammer so if i offend im sorry......
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