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Hopeless Future

Posted , 6 users are following.

sylvia75577
sylvia75577

I don’t know what had happened to me, I don’t even recognise myself anymore.  I used to be such a carefree person – never really sad – always on a level of happiness and interest. But in the last few years I often find myself in such a spiral of anxiety that I start to feel like I am going crazy.

I think it started out with a simple and mild case of social-anxiety. I would go red a lot and that spiralled into a dread/fear of certain social situations. It was getting worse anyway, but then I began to take a contraceptive pill called Marvelon and it had a terrible effect of me. I became seriously depressed and was crying all the time for no reason – I really began to dread things which I had never given much thought before, e.g. growing up, moving out, my parents death, my death (basically change). Eventually I realised that the pill was causing my sudden personality change and I stopped taking it, but the effects and memories of that time are still with me and I fear have changed me for good.

This last year I have found a real struggle. I get along from day to day fine, but barely any time passes in which I do not have a bout of anxiety over something. The simplest thing can trigger it and I am suddenly unable to stop negative thoughts from entering my head, furthering my feelings of dread. The ‘episodes’ always pass and I feel better, but it’s just difficult to live like this!

Right now my situation is especially difficult, as I have just finished University and have returned home to take some time out (I am planning to work and volunteer, learn some new skills and hobbies, etc), but I have some free time before I start work and so I have free days with nothing to do but get myself into a state. I know that there is nothing wrong with taking some time out to figure things out but I can’t help feeling I am a failure, will be a failure and am going nowhere. My degree has gotten me nowhere – it’s a bit worthless to be honest, and I don’t know if I should pursue my dream job (requiring further study) or get a job with a decent wage. These types of thoughts are swirling around in my head with others like – I will never be in love, I will never get married.

I know it sounds ridiculous – I know I have a warm house, food, family and friends and so I am luckier than many people in the world. But sometimes I become so anxious that everything seems very distant and life becomes completely strange to me. Everything is hard to understand and feels strange. I hope it is just generalised anxiety, because although I find it hard to deal with, I think I can persevere in life. What other choice is there?  

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 sylvia75577

    Posted

    The truely horrible thing about anxiety and depression is that they can't start anytime. We often can't tell why. But there is always a root cause. The cause can of course be a chemical imbalance, but more frequently it is buried somewhere in the past. That can either be addressed with medication which will not resolve issues, just mask the symptoms if your lucky, or with therapy. There are different kinds of therapy, some suit individuals more than others, but therapy will help resolve issues and make them less distressing. Which road you choose is up to you, but alas taking no action will just let things get worse. I would say talk to your gp and ask for a referral to psychotherapy. A gp is not qualified to properly diagnose and treat mental health issues, better to let psychotherapy work with you to find the best way forward
    • sylvia75577
      sylvia75577 jmcg2014

      Posted

      I am really so grateful for your reply, thank you so much! I have considered CBT and will probably look into it now I have the time and support of my parents. Something I really struggle with is the unfairness that I have to suffer from anxiety when others are fine. But then I know this is selfish and childish and when I read online about all the struggles other people with anxiety have to deal with I feel grateful that there are so many to support eachother. I will make an appointment with my GP and see what courses of psychotherapy are available. I plan to avoid medication however. I hope all is well with you - you seem to have a very level headed perspective on things (gathered from your very helpful and considerate reply). Best wishes. 
  • sara89022
    sara89022 sylvia75577

    Posted

    Have u tried a course called CBT?my life is ruined at the moment by health anxiety and I also worry continuously about my parents and my own death.... i feel the same as u...i used to be so carefree and dont know y not now! also have u triedoperhaps counselling. although that is dear and CBT can be free and from your doctor. have u seen ur doctor about this? CBT helped me a bit but I think your life will get better...dont feel like it will always be hopeless! and i'm 30 n didnt go to uni and my job isn't brill but honestly is not that bad smile also a lot of my friends have done uni courses that they can't do anything with but it will always count that u went to uni and had that life experience too. try to focus on the positives smile and defo look into CBT smile  The doctors might offer pills to help. They have worked for some people I know with anxiety issues really well! but that's up to u...i was too worried to take them. 
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 sara89022

      Posted

      CBT is often offered as the first step into therapy, for many it works well, for others-like me it was utterly hopeless. Be aware that just because CBT is offered does not mean it is the only therapeutic option available
    • sara89022
      sara89022 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Hi do u know what other tools are available? I only got offered CBT or anti anxiety pills! its awful I always end up worrying at night so have no sleep... Sylvia it's been a big part of ur life...uni so maybe ur worried now as ur left thinking what next smile u will find something good though definitely smile

    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 sara89022

      Posted

      Hi Sara, well there really are a lot of other therapies available, but you really need to be dealing with the psychotherapy department and not your gp. Gps really are not the people to deal with, they are not qualified to deal with mental health issues. Ask your gp to refer you to psychotherapy as you want to discuss different therapeutic options.
    • sylvia75577
      sylvia75577 sara89022

      Posted

      Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me! I appreciate it more than anything. I have been thinking about CBT and now that I have finished University it seems like a good time to finally look into it. I'm really sorry that it didn't work so well for you though. One thing which I find helps me is meditation. I am going to start a professional course but the app HeadSpace soothes my anxiety - even temporarily is a relief. I'm feeling much better today so I can see that I will be okay if I keep a positive outlook. One thing I know is that I will never let my anxiety stop me from doing anything!

      I will never take pills, just because I know they can become addictive and I don't really want to be dependent on any medication. I realise some people really need them though and they genuinely help so maybe would help you?

  • shell58234
    shell58234 sylvia75577

    Posted

    Hi I agree with jmcg comment. It's the pills making you feel so down in yourself. I was the same for me. I was in and out a&e due to doctors putting me on pills. Made me think im going to die. 1 in 3 people are going through this so never feel alone. To be honest eith you its going take mind control and maybe different meds. No more panic is a good web site. Please don't think life crazy it gets better trust me you will be ok. Talking to friends family and write a dairy of how you feel and you will see. Take care
    • sylvia75577
      sylvia75577 shell58234

      Posted

      Thank you for your helpful reply. I have thought about CBT and I think I will have to try it now - it is supposed to be very helpful/successful for people who fear blushing as well. I really gain encouragement from looking up how I am feeling and finding others have felt the same specific way at some point. That is how I stumbled upon this website! Luckily my friends and family are very supportive and I have a few people who are really great at making me feel better and see some perspective on things. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply - it means a lot. Best of wishes to you if you are also struggling with anxiety!
    • shell58234
      shell58234 sylvia75577

      Posted

      Hi you can ask me anything even if it seems silly. Let me know how you get on. I'm glad you have good support family and friends that good. Take care .. but I know you will beat this and soon be on top of things soon.
  • steadfast
    steadfast sylvia75577

    Posted

    What other choice? Perservere with joy!  I think what you are feeling is normal.  You are not going crazy, but worrying too much.  You are a success...you have completed the university.  Good for you. You can work and further your education if you want.  Don't worry about getting married (half end in divorce); take some time for yourself.  If it is meant for you to get married you will.  When it's time for you to move out, you will face it with grace.  Don't anticipate that you will have a problem living on your own.  Of course you feel strange, you are an accomplished woman who is about to leave the nest (security of mom and dad). But you will make it and odds are you will do very well.  Seeing a therapist will help...talking it out with feed back.  You will be okay.
    • sylvia75577
      sylvia75577 steadfast

      Posted

      Thank you so so much for such a lovely and uplifting reply. I am feeling much better today (at the moment anyway) and so I can see and agree with what you say. It's hard not to panic and worry when I am in one of my anxious states, but when I am out of them I feel okay about things. I always planned to take some time for myself and do the things I want to do after University, so I'll try to remember them every day. I will try to look to the future with positivity and remain upbeat - but I will also have your reply to look back over and encourage me now. Thank you and best wishes smile
  • joan152
    joan152 sylvia75577

    Posted

    Hi Sylvia,

    So sorry to hear your story,I know what you mean and yes we should be thankful for a roof over our heads and food on the table but when you are low these things are just material things and I have often in the past said  I would rather live in a tent and not be like that,we don't appreciate things when like that.There are always somebody else worse off we know, it is all about living in the moment not the past or the future just take each day as it cones.You will get there,keep coming on here it does help.

    Good Luck.

     

  • caitlin3a
    caitlin3a sylvia75577

    Posted

    You have to accept and even embrace this, I have had depression and anxiety all through high school and still now.

    Those dark tunnels that you can be in and you want to give up, there will be a time that comes when you realise what youve been through and how stronger person you are now.

    You are not a failure, you have to create a future, volunteer, go out and find something you love.

    Dont let your anxiety and depression overtake you, your are stronger than it.

    There has been so many times in my life that i wanted it to end because i was so scared of the numbness and failure, but just realise it for what it is- and become stronger.

    smile

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