How am I functioning?! Help would be greatly appreciated

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi all  I'm a first time user of this site. Apologies in advance for the extremely long post but I feel that providing as much information as possible in anecdotal form is better than bullet points as of now. Please let me know if I have to post elsewhere.

The last 5 months have seen my life do a complete 180, to the point where as of this post I am barely able to function; the only thing keeping me going is my intellect.

Context:

I have slept poorly in the last few years through no fault other than my own, leading me to gradually feel depersonalized over the years- though it was still manageable and not detrimental to my day. I was always a person with an incredibly sharp memory and had the ability to multitask effortlessly. I was always a high achiever in school/college and had an interest in many, many topics. Sometime near the end of last year I was low on self-esteem/appearance so I decided to lose weight in order to feel better about myself. However, I did so (rapidly) in a rather unhealthy manner, and while I felt the best I had ever felt during those times-I was really athletic but would overexcercise and undersleep- I took it too far with a poor diet and the taking of supplements- some of which were high in caffeine and eventually led to my first hospital visit for heart palpitations-where I was told that I needed to up my caloric intake. However, this led to my self-control that I possessed completely collapsing and I started to binge snack.

From then on it was a downward spiral, with the continuation of overexertion and poor sleep leading to me one day waking up on a college day completely exhausted and unable to go to college. From then on I started to experience "brain fog" and an inability to concentrate. My inquisitions at this point were focused on organic causes for these symptoms and led me to find many explanations as to why I felt this way including: Vitaming B12 deficiency, Mold in my room(!), Dehydration etc

 At this point I was rather stressed, especially regarding my University applications and missed exams etc. I had also developed an incredible headache that was really excruciating and provided great discomfort. 

None of my solutions worked so I went to the doctor, who diagnosed me as depressed and prescribed with 50mg Sertraline. Unfortunately, I was curious at that time as to what the possible side effects would be-BIG MISTAKE. The nitwit of a doctor told me that the only side effect that I'd experience was indigestion; however my stupid self knew that wasn't the case. Going home, I was put off the medication for a week when I saw things like "shortness of breath" and "racing heartbeat" listed as side effects. However my headache only worsened and I was left with no choice but to take the Sertraline. At this point I was not anxious but a little annoyed. The next day I had some mild SE such as jaw locking etc; nothing of much concern. The 2nd night however left me UNABLE to sleep, so I stayed up until the morning. The pressure in my head felt unbearable, and I found myself slurring with my speech and collapsing momentarily.

A hospital stay and a CT scan later found no abnormalities, and I was told to "stop making your parents worry" (thanks NHS!)

My adverse reaction made me discontinue the Sertraline after 3 days(safe)

However the next day saw me unable to sleep again, but this time I was shaking involuntarily with my teeth chattering. Calling the ambulance (2nd time) brought me to my G.P who prescribed me with 2mg Diazepam 2x daily to help with the seemingly vicious cycle of anxiety that was emerging-great! now the burden of a possible addictive drug in addition to my problems was present-

I'm not going to lie, I felt EUPHORIC as hell upon taking Diazepam; my stupidly sensitive body was dumbed down by only 2mg (lol) and I could see why people become addicted. The anxiety manifested itself into constant surges of adrenaline (especially through my right arm) and rapid heart rates until I would take the medication and it would dissapear. Unfortunately, a week into this and I started to experience bad side effects. For one, I became a bit paranoid that my bedsheets were going to be ripped off through the night (by whom, my cat?), felt like a sluggish zombie, but worst of all I experienced short term memory loss/inabillity to form them. My sleep was also worsening as a result of the anxiety, yet I was still emotionally stable. I tapered off of the Diazepam succesfully but my headaches and fog grew worse. At this time I started to become sleep deprived. The doctor upon hearing my cries prescribed me with Mirtazipine 15mg (ANOTHER antidepressant) and Zopicolone 2mg (to help me sleep). I asked the buffoon whether I could take Neurozan multivitamins with the medication as I wasn't really consuming much due to poor sleep cycle and appetite. He.said.yes.

The Zopiclone left me feeling more depersonalized than I ever have been; a complete zombie devoid of any personality. I woke up questioning the purpose of existence (what are humans? Why do we shop? Purpose of a hierarchial structure?)

However, that wasn't the worst bit. Shortly after taking Neurozan (which contains 5-HTP; a precursor to the production of SEROTONIN) I experienced Serotonin Syndrome, which could have been dangerous had there been more 5-HTP. Jerking, anger, agitation, temperature etc. Calling the ambulance AGAIN led them to again mention mental health (though at this time it was a physical issue)

So, of course I stopped the medication. All the while, I was still struggling to set up appointments with a Psychiatrist from Forward thinking. Once we did, I gave him my life story up to that point and he stupidly asked 

"What would you like to get out of this service?" 

Bloody hell. We concluded that I had severe health anxiety and I was not to Google symptoms, as WebMD and even Patient.info is a hyperchondriac's worst nightmare.

However, my overwhelming urge to find out what was wrong ruined me, and there were times when I thought I fit the bill for Creutzdfelt-Jakob disease (both sporadic and beef version) and that I was going to die soon and degenerate brain-wise.

This anxiety died down as I got annoyed about the plethora of conditions that matched my symptoms; some "red flag" and some common- from MS to cJD etc.

One that stuck, in a rational way, was Lyme's/tick-borne disease. Not because of my health paranoia but because I had been in the country (Peak District) etc many times and had been bitten by ticks many times-especially in high grass wearing shorts. 

Still, I suffered as my general anxiety became worse and I felt a near-constant feeling of adrenaline that would leave me exhausted after it subsided. My sleep was becoming more and more disrupted to the point where I went my first 24-hours without sleeping. How on earth did that guy who broke the world record sleep for 11-days straight?!

Nevertheless, from now my sleep/wake cycle and my body clock had started to get bashed (to put it bluntly) and I was now sleeping during the day, and being awake at night. Weirdly, I was fine with this-maybe because I didn't care and maybe because it was peaceful in the night smile 

However, the coming days saw persistent anxiety attacks as well as sleep drunkenness, until ONE DAY. A day which, following another sleep deprived 28-hours, I felt LOW. Subhuman. Hard to describe but I was in an Abyss. I knew that something was wrong. This is probably what it felt like to have depleted chemicals or whatever severe depression was like. Little did I know, it was only going to get worse.

I slumped into severe depression, and was feeling the brunt force of it. I felt slow, dumbed down, and my cognitive impairement was evident through my own introspection. I could not focus on ANYTHING/process information/remember things/multitask/perceive reality/co-ordinate myself at all. This was SCARY. In addition, there was Psychomotor Retardation; funny term but it turned me into a blob; slowing-down my thought processes and reducing my physical movements- my legs felt like bricks, any action that I thought of was completed not instantly but with delay. "This is hell" I thought to myself. "Pure, utter hell". This physcial inabillity, let me rephrase that, LITERAL INABILITY to move acted in direct contrast to the innocent/well-meaning but moronic advice I was given by doctors and my family members. "YOU should excercise and walk outside more, trust me you'll get better".

Had I not been so understanding of my condition and avoided hypochondriac reasoning I would have suffered even more. This is more like a 'wear the t-shirt experience' and I strongly urge to anyone reading this: mild-moderate depression and its solutions cannot be applied to those with severe depression. Severe depression is a literal disability that destroys you, and those with uneducated families will suffer. Heck my biggest suffering came from the cognitive/physical effects of the depression rather than emotional. 

Moving on, I was at a crossroads. I felt the worst I had ever felt in my life. I woke up one night with passive suicidal thoughts- something I had never experienced in my life. If I would put it simply, it was as if I was being controlled by a faulty machine; lured by the prospect of death with a seemingly bad taste in my mouth.

My perceptual awareness, informational understanding, and memory had turned to shreds. However, I seemingly found hope. Not willing to suffer more through medication(even though in reality, I had never given them a chance to really take effect) led me to accidentally stumble across a new treatment: rTMS. Standing for repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (it scared me at first because I thought it was like ECT) it promoted a jump-start effect of the brain rather than the plaster effect that antidepressants have because unlike SSRIs this treatment promoted the growth of new neuronal connections and therefore the growth of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine on the left prefrontal cortex of the brain (area that is low in activity in people with depression)

It seemed like I found hope; it had a higher efficacy than antidepressant, little-to-no perceived side effects and was longer lasting and non-invasive. Perfect!

However, the online responses were mixed; many saying that it was a waste of time while a news article claimed it had saved a suicidal man from severe depression. Extensive research proved that I had the benefit of the doubt because of my age and my developing brain (I'm 18) and because I had such a caring family, the price tag (which I'll admit is far too expensive and should be more readily affordable) of £1250 a week was not an issue, so there I went.

I was an anxious mess before the first procedure, which felt uncomfortable and slightly painful at first. The first few days were awful. I seemed to have rapid-cycling mood changes after the first treatments, and I was still feeing low. BY the 7th, I felt much calmer and the feeling of constant adrenaline had subsided, my sleep and appetite had been improved and I finally managed to reset my body clock. In addition, I also began having flashbacks of random memories that I hadn't remembered in quite a while, while also remembering the faces of many people I hadn't seen for years. Weird.

Still, I was getting physically worse, my immune system had taken a big toll and my digestive system even more so. I felt more and more foggy as the days wore on and could not accurately remember faces. I also supposedly had a fungal infection of the mouth. My digestive issues worsened to the point that I had constant acid reflux and would constantly go to the toilet. This was managed initially by Gaviscon/Ranitidine but when worsened I was told that I had Gastroenteritis when going to the hospital. Well done doc, I have not been persistently vomiting nor have I had persistent diarrhoea (pardon my hypochondriasisbiggrin . Nevertheless I went home and was told the basics (fluid intake etc)

Weirdly enough, my anxiety came back and my depression worsened by the 12th treatment (maybe it was a dip that is common in rTMS) though that seems to have improved again.

However, my digestive issues escalated to another level, intense pain under my rib that radiated to my back, while my throat was seemingly still leaving me unable to swallow properly-able to eat food but not able to swallow. A subsequent visit to the hospital (again) led them to suspect a potential gallstone (I have been eating a lot of fatty foods recently). In addition, my gait seemed to have changed, while the right side of my body in particular(arm) feels numb and not as sensitive as before. Weird movements in my bowels that made me feel like death were a constant. I could feel as though my spine was slightly arching over (bad posture?)

and it was causing me great pain and making my fog worse. This then led to decreased sensitivity throughout my entire body-scratching my body felt weird. 

Adding to the hellfire, I started to experience blotches in my vision; the little worms that were an annoying ever-present but made me concerned. The back pain for an 18-year old who was previously highly active is unusual, but for this I have decided to see a chiropractor on Thursday (fingers crossed that it could be a resolvable problem there) but I am now at another crossroads. I can sense that my thought processes and perceptions are not those of the normal me, and are quite irrational but also abnormal in the way that I see negativity in everything; even extending so far as to think that there's no point of working hard to get a job etc when I'm better. I am undergoing CBT, though that was originally intended to help me deal with anxiety management techniques, I still feel hopeless. I am in my 4th week of treatment but have had to suspend it because I feel barely functional in almost all aspects except for my language and comprehension, and am suffering from an unknown problem regarding my digestive organs. 

I am intrigued as to what will show up if I decide to have a PET scan of my brain (shows brain activity). I don't belive that it will fuel any anxiety, rather it may give me an insight as to why I feel like a blob. I have gained so much weight since, so I am a blob as of now.

I believe that the human psyche and human body has its limits, and if those are damaged then it can alter a person's view of the world. I thank whoever reads this post (literally the first time I have EVER written on the internet but I feel as though I have to seek help as my suffering has not only drastically impacted my quality of life but also my family's (who have had to endure me constantly re-educating them on the human psyche and biology). I have said to countless nurses etc that after all I've been through, it would be stupid for me not to contribute greatly to the mental health industry/research as I have learned too much! Being a Psychology student at A-Level, I really thought that depression was only "a psychological disorder characterized by persistent sadness (2marks)"

To cut it short smile

What do you suspect is wrong? (Overthinking shouldn't be a thing because I have always been like that)

Which specialist should I see?

What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?

Did my depression cause these digestive issues, or vice versa?

Symptoms:

-Heavy cognitive impairment in most areas (perceptual awareness, coordination, problem-solving, concentration, memory/recall, environmental detection)

-Weakness and Numbness in the majority of my body

-Brick-like feeling in my head

-Difficulty walking and back pain

-Unknown digestive issues with intense abdominal pain, especially under rib

-Blotches in my vision all the time (worms)

-Extreme depersonalization (not so much like an anxiety attack, more like the world isn't real)

-Seemingly arched spine (I'm serious! it's uncomfortable and I can feel it when lying down)

-Weird perception of reality and human existence

-Abnormal gait

-Heaviness to right side of the body

-Weakness in facial muscles (eyebrows)

-Frequent desire to use the toilets

-Blocked feeling in ears

-Dizziness upon standing up

-Eyes hurting

For those that have stuck till the end, thank you, your support means so much to me. I just want my old life back. I want to be able to enjoy playing video games, football, solving complex puzzles etc.

 

3 likes, 10 replies

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi:  Before I attempt to answer some of your questions, I want to know why this is included in your text?

    What's your favourite flavour of ice cream? 

    Thanx

     

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    • Posted

      Hi

      Apologies for that, I felt that the post could use a little bit of lightheartedness away from the serious tone. The longevity of this post left me in doubt as to whether it would be read by somebody until the end, which is why it was my way of saying "thank you" smile

      i hope that clears up any confusion

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    • Posted

      Hi:  think I was in a bad mood when I typed my response.  Plus, I crave ice cream but that on my avoid list.  All daily is a no no.  I was eyeballing the Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough and had to move away quickly before I opened the refrig door at the market. 

      rolleyes
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  • Posted

    Hi SullyTheWiz, I can't believe how much you have and are going through, it puts my anxiety and depression into some sort of perspective. 

    You need to see a phychiatrist as it is clear, to me anyways, that you are suffering from severe depression and which hadn't been treated properly and anxiety. 

    Depression and especially anxiety can cause a host of digestive problems due to the sheer number of nerve endings in the digestive system, when I started with my most recent relapse I experienced unbearable stomach pains which I thought was ibs but my dr said it was as a result if anxiety. I took peppermint tablets (prescribed) and the cramps went.

    All symptoms can be put down to anxiety and depression, your pre disposition to overthinking has been hijacked by it.

    Maybe it's time to go back to basics and try to find an anti depressant that you can cope with in terms of side effects, I guess your quite reluctant to give them a go but you didn't give them time previously.

    You need to give yourself the opportunity to rest as best you can, forget the exercise advise for now although it is important to try and keep your brain active by doing crosswords or something however simple. 

    CBT will be a waste of time at the moment it's proper psychotherapy which is needed.

    Chocolate ice cream btw!

    I really don't know what advise I can give you other than get the help of a psychiatrist and take whatever medication they suggest, you will get side effects but they wear off, you never know in a coup,e of months things may start to fall back into place for you.

    I really feel for you, I do, and I really want things to improve as it sounds like your going through hell, your resolve is amazing and you must be very strong to go through this.

    Please keep us updated on what your doing, what you decide abd how you are doing, we care! 

    Neil 

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    • Posted

      Hi Neil, 

      I thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. You have no idea how much it warms my heart. 

      I regularly keep in touch with the psychiatrist who is responsible for my treatment, ensuring that I tell her exactly how I feel every step of the way during treatment. However, I have had to postpone treatment for the time being due to health concerns brought on by the digestive problems-I am set for an ultrasound to see whether I have gallstone. 

      It is awesome that I can relate with others, knowing that I am not alone in this horrible pain-riddled moment. You mentioned peppermint tablets, should I give them a go?

      Regarding antidepressants, many people who find success claim that they found the right "combination" of medications that worked for them. I am so happy for people who were saved, but the guinea pig-like position that the scenario puts you in is just too much for me to handle as of now. Heck, there was a time where my anxiety got so bad that new food that I put into my body caused my throat to clench-simulating a stupid allergic reaction. So I really don't know whether I can bear it, it seems as though many of my possible symptoms will be caused by anxiety of taking antidepressants (its a VICIOUS circle as I'm sure you know biggrin

      I am so thankful that I have reset my body clock; I mean it just happened out of nowhere following another full sleep deprived day. I will try to improve my sleep hygiene but as of now I am managing around 8 hours of sleep a day.

      That has been a real fascination for me, how predispositions can worsen mental illness or of course bring it on. Recalling my A-Level Psychology, the word environmental stressors always angered me because to those vulnerable, it was almost like a lock-and-key scenario that would leave them helpless to mental illness; be genetically predisposed and be triggered by stresses in your environment. I don't know why, but grr! 

      CBT was a good idea at first, but you're right in saying that different therapies/treatments are for different circumstances, and right now CBT cannot physically alter my brain chemistry like medication/TMS can. If I'm honest, I really believe that rTMS can work for me. I mean the fact that I had mood swings, periods of elation/normality and that my constant adrenaline surges stopped indicated that something was going on in my brain. Even the fact that I started eating again, sleeping again, smiling again suggested Serotonin was playing a part. Ughh, why are we so complex as human beings?! 

      I have been trying to do Tangram puzzles, and sometimes my mind will fade while other times  I can effortlessly solve them-almost like I'm on autopilot.

      I have to mention, my long term memory is still intact, so I still remain victorious whenever there are quiz shows smile

      Even though I now know the extent of depression and it's systemic impacts, I am still keen to rule out physical causes that may have been responsible. Lymes has still been an everpresent in my head, and my intuition (and not my anxietybiggrin is telling me that I should have a test for that.

      I really want to work in reducing the price of alternative treatments for those that have suffered with treatment-resistant depression and other issues. TMS, ketamine injections etc heck even psychotherapy that doesn't take 100 years to organize is really important. It saddens me when I see people on the internet e.g Reddit who say that they have Chronic depression, or that they have suffered with it for 20 years. 5 months of what I have been through and it has been overwhelming, I cannot comprehend how much those people, and you, have been suffering.

      my favourite I would say is vanilla

      Another reason I picked rTMS was time. I have had to postpone my exams due to this (bar one) and I felt that the TMS was the most time efficient. The human brain will not recover in a day, nor in a week, but I feel that to play a waiting game with medication will only make me seem like a bugger burden then I already am.

      I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to post. I hope that whatever struggles you are facing, that you will overcome them. 

      I will try my best to keep you updated on my progress, and I hope that we all come out of this stronger.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi there, when I was 17/18 I had the worst anxiety possible. I didn't know that though. I had no idea what was wrong. These things weren't talked about in the same way they are now ('Im 41 btw). 

    Anyway, it went on for months and months and eventually cleared (mostly) after nearly a year or so. I wish I had been treated as I have continued to have problems.

    My symptoms at the time were: racing heart and palpatations; feeling spaced out; not quite there (depersonalization I suppose); really fuzzy head; bad headaches; ears feeling 'full'; rigid neck muscles (I could barely turn my head); really bad health anxiety; couldn't walk properly - it was like I couldn't move one of my legs. That's all I can remember for sure but there was probably more. 

    I would suggest relaxation techniques and sticking with the CBT. That's because I haven't had a great time on anti-depressants, but maybe you might find one that helps. 

    And btw, i constantly ponder human existence and society, etc! I see nothing odd in that smile

    Best wishes X

     

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    • Posted

      Hi,

      Thankfully times have changed! Even today though you still get people asking you "what is there to be anxious about?"I can't help but wonder how bad it must've been for people like yourself. I feel that the illness is quite deceiving in that it is named after a human emotion that many of us experience from time to time. This is why I feel it should be called "Random Fight-or-Flight disorder" or RFOF for short. That's exactly what it is! You are on edge all/most of the time and of course as you mentioned experience the scary symptoms that can really cause unease in a person, especially because of how well they correlate with heart attacks etc

      I feel that while it is good to essentially catch it early and acknowledge the condition, I don't lose hope for those that weren't treated such as yourself. Since it is a harmless but debillitating disease, my wish is that your continued problems can still be fixed. If you can tell me what they are (if you don't mind; completely up to you) then I will do my best to help.

      This is again why I advocate ease of affordabillity for alternate treatments such as rTMS. I really believe that it does better overall for the majority of people not only because of it's lack of side effects, but also because it seems to have more of a jumpstart effect to your brain rather than a plaster effect that antidepressants have i.e prolonging the neurotransmitters instead of stimulating production of new ones like rTMS. I am not an advocate for rTMS (especially as I'm not done yet) but I believe that it should be more widely available.

      It's great to see other people sharing the same existential thoughts that I do! I feel that this process of thinking abstract is evolutionary and helps more than it hinders. Of course it can lead to an existential crisis, but IMO if you haven't had one the. you're not human at all smile

      Best Wishes

       

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  • Posted

    Hi there

    You are clearly extremely articulate and intelligent, to the point of almost being obsessional about your health. I can completely relate, and have had very similar experiences with anxiety, sleep deprivation and a mental breakdown after a head injury and post concusison syndrome, coupled with severe adverse reaction to antipsychotic drugs that were given to me after my breakdown. This left me with a permanent movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia and unfortuntately, there is no cure.

    I can recount exactly how I felt in the grips of sleep deprivation nearly 18 months ago. I suffered so severely that I didn't sleep completely for about two weeks (I'm not joking) and as a result, suffered a very severe mental breakdown. The only think that saved me was Citalopram. I was, like you, prescribed many differeny psychotropic drugs including diazepam and zopiclone, none of which worked very well at all. My anxiety and adrenaline levels were so sky high that even the most potent antipsyhotic wasn't very effective. Believe me when I tell you that I NEVER want to go through such awful sleep deprivation ever again, nor do I want to experience that level of anxiety again either.

    You are most welcome to private message me for a full account of my experience, and what helped/hindered me, and how I overcame all my debilitating symptoms. It has taken me nearly two years from my head injury to recover to what I would say is functioning on a 98% previous level, but even with my movement disorder, I am nowhere near as bad as I was in the grips of my breakdown.

    Please trust me when I say that the right medication and lifestyle (CBT, exercise, diet etc) combination WILL work and help you recover. These are the only things that made me better.

    You WILL get better and recover. You CAN do this. After all I've been through - and honestly, it is pretty awful - I can recover, and I have every faith that you will too.

    Please message me, I'd like to help you more.

    Stay strong. :-)

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    • Posted

      Hi,

      Oh my word. Reading your story has filled me both with sympathy for you and annoyance for the complexity of the human body. Complexity which can only be seen in its true form when those least deserving suffer. Your story has made me wish that we were more bionic than organic; in the sense that dysfunction could easily be fixed via a literal flick of a switch rather than agony-filled months.

      Sleep deprivation can be seen as the villain's sidekick as well as the villain itself. I say this because it seems part of the vicious cycle: depression/anxiety give you cognitive issues, then they cause you to lose sleep. In turn, the lost sleep itself ALSO contributes to the cause and worsening of how you feel. For me, it affected my immune system and digestive system (which already was bashed by the depression)

      But 2 weeks of little sleep is unimaginable. I can only wish that you put those dark, sleep-deprived days behind you.

      It is great to hear that Citalopram helped you; one of the doctors mentioned that many, many months ago but he was the same buffoon who told me to stop making my family worry. Generically speaking, we are lucky to live in an age where medicines are more advanced. I'm not going to call it an "advanced age" because I believe that time is not upon us yet (evident by the many individual stories and the fact that treatment-resistant depression is a thing)

      Deep down inside me, I know that diet and exercise will help greatly. Unfortunately during my depression I have craved heavy carbohydrates like no other food, and have done little-to-no exercise. I strongly feel that this will change though, once I get the natural energy back that has been drained for so long.

      I feel for you in that high potency medications did not initially show a change. In my case, I'm the polar opposite. Unlike my mother, who herself has been through a lot (and a lot of strong medication which doesn't affect her negatively) I will be one of the buttercups who could be most likely to fall for a blatant placebo-yes that's how sensitive I am. When I saw that people take Valium/Diazepam in REALLY high doses I laughed at myself being knocked out on 2mg.

      I cannot imagine getting a concussion. The mere thought of it sends me into shivers. Only you know what you have been through.

      Tardive Dyskenesia is no joke. It (like millions of other things) was something I looked up during my Health Anxiety binge, and it was something that I thought I had. I am so sorry for what it has done to you. However, I am not sure whether this will sound logical, but do you think that a treatment like rTMS could help? I'd rather not mention it as it makes me seem like I'm a salesman for it (WHICH I AM NOT!)

      I just got the idea upon reading that maybe, just maybe, it could use a similar mechanism to stop over excitation of areas responsible for the motor movements just like the treatment "calms" down the right lobe of the brain for anxiety treatment. Long shot, but I'm not sure. I'm sure that you'll agree with me in the fact that having been there and worn the shirt, common and loosely-thrown around terms such as "depressed" and "mental breakdown" by people who don't know the true meaning of how it feels to suffer like that does make you that little bit annoyed. Speaking for myself, if I hadn't been through what I'm going through now, then I too could've been the person offering alienating advice without knowing the person's situation properly.

      Many people think of statements as "you will get better" as generic, grandma statements, but in the context of depression-and certainly in my case I can say that I WILL. Not because I'm playing along, but because history shows. Research shows. Psychology and Biology shows. People show.

      Thank you so much. I'll be sure to message you later on in Wednesday (off to sleep now, with a normal body clock smile

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