How can I help ?

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My partner has bipolar , we have been together 20 months ! During this time he has ended the relationship several times when he is going through low moods. Any advise on how to cope when he has low moods , bad days & very stressed periods .

I am doing my best to be understanding although this is not easy .

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi I no when I'm going through these moods iv always been very impulsive & finished the relationship it's something I never had control over .. but always regretted it after. My advice is when it happens just walk away and give space. This never went away for me .. I'm single now have been for a long while, I have no intentions of another relationship. My relationships have been long but far to many breakups ..the pain it would cause me was unbearable. . It's like banging your head against the wall. Youv got to be very strong to be able to put up with it too. No missing out meds because there feeling fine ..this is a major factor in bipolar also. Takes alot longer to get well again. I wish u luck

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    • Posted

      Hi Sharon your reply is much appreciated, when my partner is going through a bad episode then I don't contact him and he usually gets in touch a few days later.

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    • Posted

      That's good ..it's horrible . Have u heard of the fraise "cut your nose off to spite your face" that's how it feels, you can't be forced out of the moods even though you want to, just makes it go deeper i think.. & it hurts like hell.. just for your own peace of mind you keep reminding yourself these episodes arnt about anything you have done..I really wish u luck ??

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  • Posted

    Hi Sadhna.

    Being bipolar is a horrible and hard thing to live with; for everyone.

    The highs are great but the lows are hell.

    All you can basically do on the low days is be there, let him know you're there, and try not to let what is said effect you.

    I know that's easier said than done, but you have to try to remember it's an illness and not necessarily your partner.

    It is a very hard thing to understand, and a very hard thing to live with.

    I'm bipolar and have lost my friends and family because they they don't understand anything about it, nor do they want to.

    I only have contact with my son now, and i haven't seen my daughter for years because she couldn't/can't handle the ups and downs i struggle with.

    My son understands somewhat and i'm lucky that he understands it's not me saying and doing things, it's an illness i can't control.

    You can't do much except be there and support and love him.

    I hope all goes well

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    • Posted

      Hi thank you for your reply , I'm sorry to hear you've lost family due to having bi polar & your advise is much appreciated .

      Since learning my partner has bi polar I have read lots of information as I don't want to give up on this relationship & yes I need not to take his behaviour personnel & be supportive . I think it's going to take time for him to learn to trust me.

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    • Posted

      Hi . I'm like you iv lost all my family through ignorance & pure evilness. I have no friends through pushing them away .. life is easier that way. Very bad trust issues caused over the years. I'm so tired, exhausted infact,lately have felt like throwing the towel in so much, but I am lucky I have 2 children a daughter whose 26 whose my rock now.. she actually wants to work in the mental health industry. Then I have my little boy who is very challenging indeed ..I sometimes believe he was sent for a reason. He makes me laugh so much at times .. my health visitor says it's amazing how my face lights up just talking about him. I find the bipolar is getting harder as I am getting older tho .. I cnt bare it at times. I'm so sorry for your lonelyness life is hard enough it's so unfair xx

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    • Posted

      Hi.

      Thank you, however, losing family, friends and loved ones seems to be the norm when having bipolar.

      Most people can't be bothered with the extra effort and patience needed, and would rather give up and walk away than stay and just be there.

      I'm glad you've been reading and looking into the illness, that alone says something about you.

      It will take time for him to trust you completely, but it sounds like you're at least willing to try.

      It will also take time for you to realise that some, if not all, of what is said or done is not aimed at you and isn't personal, as much as it may seem and feel it is.

      He will lash out at you because you're there, not because he doesn't care for you.

      Remember that.

      I wish you all the best.

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    • Posted

      Hi Sharon.

      I think there are a lot like us out there; alone because it's it's easier for everyone, including ourselves.

      As you read, i no longer have contact with my daughter, but my son has stood by me - unconditionally, non-judgmental and unfaltering.

      I, too, am finding it getting worse and harder to get thru as i get older, and my son sees it as well.

      He has watched so many struggles and been thru hell with me, and altho he has stood by me, he also understands i need peace and has accepted the inevitable will probably happen.

      I see his pain for me and know he is better off without it.

      I've kept my towel hanging for him for so long, but as time passes and things worsen, we both know that it's approaching time to theow it in.

      He's realistic and one of his qualities i love so much.

      It's hard to go when you love someone too much to leave.

      I wish the three of you the very best.

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    • Posted

      Yes I totally agree with u.. somehow that's why I think i was blessed with a son at the age of 41 . Not being able to have anymore after my daughter who is 23yrs . He's given me a reason to carry on fighting this evil illness because he needs me.. what meds are you on at the moment? I only actually got properly diagnosed once I has my son ..I was just stuck on seditives before then. I got so poorly during my pregnancy I was at last taken seriously. . I take 1000mg lithium I believe this med has stopped me throwing in the towel. The thoughts are there now & then but I don't act on it which is massive improvement for me... I believe it to be an expensive drug so maybe that's why I never had it. I just need to find a good AD ??

      you stay strong youv come this far ..????

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  • Posted

    Hi Sadhna15793, I can relate to how you are feeling, my boyfriend breaks up with me too when he's in one of his low moods.I have tried everything to support him but nothing I say or do helps. He makes excuses that it's not me it's him but he still pushes me away. He says he loves me and I think he does deep down but it's so hard just to walk away. My advice to you is to let him contact you, he will, they need love and support. When he realises that you are no longer there, he will need you in his life again. It's a cruel illness.

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    • Posted

      Hi thanxs for your reply !

      Yes that's exactly what I do now is to leave him be & I know he'll eventually contact me again .

      It's taken me nearly 1yr to deal with being in a relationship with someone who has bipolar !!! My partner has never told me he loves me , he has had 2 bad relationships & I feel will never trust another woman again .

      Am I wrong in expecting him to deal with being in a relationship as I have learnt to ? Sometimes I feel he uses his illness as an excuse as to how he treats me !!

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