How can I help someone doesn't want to?

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi i'm brand new on this group, so i'm sorry if i'm posting in the wrong area...

I'm not writing for myself but my best friend is been diagnosticated with a bipolar disorder a few months ago.

He took other 3 months before than tell me that and i'm the only person wo knows that so far. No even his family or other friends.

He doesn't want to talk about it, take any meds or go to see a psychiatric as he had terrible experiences when he was a child.

He thinks that a lot of exercise, no alcohol and a regular sleep every day can be enough.

He's not actually having any big change of mood but this is not enough of course.

He's selfish, a liar, self-centric and he can disappear for days because he went who knows where without to say anything.

I don't know if i'm strong enough to help him and I can't force him to go to therapy.

I don't know how to help him. How can you help someone who doesn't want to be help? More: how can you help someone who doesn't realise that this are part of his sickness?

Sorry it's a long post but I don't know actually how to help him... how did you do it?

Thanks,

Marta

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Marta, The long short of it is, you can't help someone that dosent want it. All you can do is be there for him when/if he needs you. By all means, tell him how you feel and give suggestions. Being a true friend sometimes also means taking a step back. There will be a time when he may come to you, but untill that day you can't force help onto someone. If you find yourself stressing out about his situation, walk away, as hard as it might be, don't let his problems have a negative effect on your life. As I said, be there when he needs you. 

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  • Posted

    Don't think so badly of your friend. Does having a secret make you selfish and a liar. Be a friend and good listener for as long as you can. Maybe eventually you'll be able to make suggestions about therapy.

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  • Posted

    I was diagnosed with Bi polar a couple of years ago I haven't told my family apart from my husband cause I was ashamed, I used to go missing, got into loads of debt and couldn't cope, I went under a psychiotrist which helped as they put me on tablets one to help me sleep and the other for the actual bi-polar, your friend may come over one day and tell you he needs help but I didn't want help at the beginning

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  • Posted

    Thanks for your answers.

    I know, rationally I know I can't help someone who doesn't want any help, but by heart it's so difficult to see someone you care to suffer and there is nothing you can do to help.

    But you're right, he will come to me one day, or to someone else or to a psychiatric open himself.

    But sometimes if you are "the other person", it's so frustrating seen him that selfish and it's just a give without an have.

    Of course, still that rational part knows that it's the disease and not just him, but the heart thinks if it's still ready to be frustrated and put yourself in a corner...

    You told me to go away. It's so difficult. I can't stay with the idea that he could have a depressing moment and not be well and I'm the only person who knows about that.

    But thanks for your answers they are been a great help to make me open my eyes....

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  • Posted

    Hi Maria, and thank you for being so kind to him. I am him. I do all the same. All I can advise is that you tell him you will be there no matter what, that you are not going away and that you really care about him. It is a form of self hard as I do it regularly, just sacked my Phsyciatrist team, lost Lithium as a result, but I am fine. deep dowm I know the opposite is true. My family and Doctors are really concerned about me at presnt as Im so hgigh, but they are all fools and I KNOW WHATS BEST. Only I dont and take pleasure in self harming, just like cutting. But its better I guess. It will take enormous strenth and patience to be there for him, no one will think badly of you if you cannot make that committment. If there is anyway that he could be persuaded to come here, reading others stries would defo help. it does me as I dont feel alone, Maybe a little suggestion >. Or a bloody big placard outside his front door.

    I wish you well.

    All my love and kind thoughts, Marish X

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    • Posted

      Hi Marish, thanks for your answer: it's arriving at the perfect moment.

      I will be there for him, of course I will, and more I read about other stories more i'm becoming conscious about what's going on in his, mine and everyone's around him reality. And this is a big help. Talk about it it's a big help. From any point of view.

      It's really difficult to find someone who's talking from our point of view, so the people around who's suffering, and it's really difficult to ask an advice on what to do and how to help, even if, I know, it doesn't exist a magic remedie for that.

      I can just tell you to don't underestimate the people around you. You will maybe don't understand why they are acting like this or why they are making you pressure but they are probably even more confused than you and they are just trying to be an help.

      You are lucky if someone loves you. Don't lose them.

      I wish you all the best... and keep going taking lithium even if you think it's not necessary...

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  • Posted

    Hey mart2706

    I didn't realise you had posted your own post on here. Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. As you said are situations are similar and reading your post to me helped me. It's hard not to feel like your screwing up or doing the wrong thing thing. But if you need some one to just chat with feel free to message me.

    Hope your friend is doing okay and you are staying strong but also thinking of yourself. It's tough when your head tells you to do one thing and your heart tells you another xx

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