How can I overcome loneliness/anxiety in a new place

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I've never posted here before but I'm at a loss for what to do with myself. I've always been a very shy person and generally keep myself to myself for as long as I can remember. I've recently graduated uni and moved to a new city and found a new design job - which I do really enjoy. 

Lately though it feels like I have no real connections with anyone outside of close family and my boyfriend (he works really long hours and found myself almost relying on him, as he's pretty much the only person in this city that I'm friends with). I live far from family and have always found it hard to make friends and even more so to maintain friendships.. I just feel like this feeling of social anxiety or loneliness always comes back to me and holds me back.

I have housemates (I didn't know them before the house share) but honestly I feel like I'm not worthwhile getting to know, that I don't have anything to give or I'll just distance and shut them out like I usually end up doing. 

I feel like quitting and going back home even though that would be a bad option, as I don't want to let my family down.. But I don't know how much longer I can go spending every weekend and evenings in my room alone feeling like this is so pointless.

Thanks, this was difficult to write 



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  • Posted

    Don't give up! If you do it will always be on your mind what could have been. Why not try to see a councillor I suffered with health anxiety due to my job and although I still have my moments I feel so much better having done the councilling you may have issues you didn't know about. Also you said you have a boyfriend that means you can make a friendship work and he must think you are worth getting to no start small, you can get though this but see your gp I had cbt and it really helped me! Good luck and don't give up xxxxx
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  • Posted

    Hi Carina,

    I can imagine this was difficult for you to write, so pat yourself on the back for doing that! I understand how you feel, because I'm a lot like you. I've always been shy and it's very hard for me to make friends. Have you tried penpals? It's not the same as having someone to hang out with, but I can tell you from my own experience that it can be really helpful and while you probably meet a lot of fake people, you can also meet some good ones as well. 

    I know how it is to feel not worthy enough, I've felt that way as well and I guess sometimes I still do. But, trust me, you ARE worthwhile getting to know, as every person has something unique to give to others. Sometimes it just takes some time (and people) to discover them. 

    You said that you enjoy your job, so that is really good. Please don't worry about possibly letting down your family.  You need to do what's best for YOU. Do you like the new city? If you do, then I would say that you give it a chance. Since you have housemates, maybe you could try getting to know them better. Or maybe some people at work? It's hard to do the first step, but then it gets easier. Just hang in there, Carina. Every step you make counts. And coming to this forum was definitely a good one. Not only you can share, but you also see you're not alone in this and you can offer support to other. Wishing you all the best xx

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  • Posted

    carina I had same prob when I was a high school student.but when I went to university I changd myself.reading books about how making frnds will realy help.u can start by making one frnd then it makes u more confident n u can find more frnds.talking to a counselor will work too.if u give up now n come back nothing will change in ur life.but if u stay n fight u will change ur self n ur life.n it will make u strong n gives u confidence.good luck to you.;-)
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  • Posted

    Carina I am so sorry you are feeling so lonely.  I feel lonely for a different reason.  I am a retired lady who lives alone.  I expect, like me, you keep busy, but unlike me you have a job you like and a boyfriend.  Please don't put yourself by saying you are not worthwhile getting to know.  Of course you are.  You are just shy and difficult to make friends.

    I see that you have social anxiety, but the only way you can cope with this is to pluck up courage to get out of your room and find out what there is to offer in your new city.  There must be something out there for you.  Not easy, I know, but please don't spend more time worrying about what could be, as time is going by. 

    Try and get out and do something that does not involve too much contact at first.  there must be museums, art gallery, etc. that you could visit. 

    I am sorry if I am not much help.

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