How do I deal with depression?

Posted , 7 users are following.

Life has been very difficult for the past several years. I've managed to hold it together for the good of my children but I don't know how much I have left.

I'm a 48 year old male.

Life was good until it fell apart when I turned 40. I had been married for 15 years, had a great job, our own condo, and two daughters 7 and 10 at the time. Then the economy took a hit, I lost my job, home in foreclosure, one of our cars repossessed, and my wife no longer wanted to be a wife or mother anymore. My daughters and I moved up north to be near family, we got divorced, I was awarded full custody of my daughters but lost all of my possessions.

We got a place to stay, got a job, kids in school, and rebuilt our lives. Their mother lived 2000 miles away and chose to have very little to do with the girls. Several years later my family disowned us due to a petty disagreement, that was over 2 years ago and we haven't seen or heard from them since. A year and a half ago I lost my job due to a medical issue, I worked maintenance and my hips were shot because of a military service connected disability and I needed hip replacement surgery. Everything was set for the first hip replacement surgery but they cancelled it the day before because of elevated liver enzymes. After months of tests with no results they went ahead with the surgery. 6 months later I had the next surgery and they figured out that I had hemochromatosis, a hereditary iron overload blood disorder but treatment would have to wait until I healed from the surgery. Two weeks after the surgery, my daughters were at a soccer game and I was home alone, our house burned down. I got out ok. It was caused by a chimney fire in our neighbors unit. The girls lost everything and we had no renters insurance. We lived in a hotel for a few days until we found another place to live. My girlfriend had been helping me through the surgeries and moved in before the fire. Now we live in a nice house. I am pretty much recovered from my hip replacement surgeries with some difficulties but it is getting better. I started treatment for my hemochromatosis which is getting a pint of blood removed every week until my ferritin levels are down to normal. I've had 10 pints taken in the past 10 weeks and it's kicking my butt. I sit at home alone all day. I'm on temporary disability that will stop in 6 months so I'll have to find a job that I'm physically capable of after being out of work. My oldest daughter just got accepted to college for nursing so I have to figure out finances for that. My youngest daughter graduates in 3 years. After all this plus raising two girls on my own, I'm not sure I can take it much longer.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Chris firstly I'd like to reassure you that you are believe it or not an amazing human being,father and man. Reading about how you have brought up the girls alone and hearing how one now is going to college for nursing is confirmation that you've done an amazing job that many men would not be able to do, your daughters one now being 15 and the other 18 at at that time of life where they develop into women and need you more than ever as they make this transition into women. I don't know anything about your health conditions of I'm honest however I do understand that with low iron levels you are probably feeling very tired often and exhausted both mentally and physically,

    You are such a great dad you are putting the extra burden of trying to finance your daughters future which at the moment seems to be just to much have you looked into help with it like grants, etc because you are suffering from exhaustion you feel powerless to help however I feel you being around for your children is the most important thing the worse thing ever for them would be to lose you and if they were unfortunate to discover this post in the search for answers then they may feel a certain amount of guilt thinking they were somewhat to blame and I know that's the last thing you'd ever want I know times are difficult at the moment but the thing is about being at rock bottom is there's only one way to go and that's up! You have your girlfriend your daughters whom all love you greatly that's all the family you'll ever need you are a strong individual as is demonstrated by your actions and story I know your no quitter you'd of walked away from your children if you were years ago I know your not thinking of quitting on the children when the finish line is right there on the horizon your a fighter and you've always got that one last round in you for the people you love I may sound cold maybe hard but I hope this message finds you well and gives you that kick up the ass you need at the moment I'm not going to sugar coat it for you your kids need there amazing father now more than ever don't you go quitting on them mate

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  • Posted

    You have certainly had more than your share of obstacles to deal with, but look at your beautiful daughters. You raised them alone and that is an incredible accomplishment. It is no wonder that you are exhausted and depressed at the moment. A lot of people would have given up awhile ago. You said your temporary disability will stop in 6 months. If your doctor doesn't approve you going back to work then, can you get extended disability from the government or military services? You deserve any help you can get. You've served your country and been a single father to two young daughters. Keep in touch on this site. You'll find support and understanding here.

    Take care,

    Phyllis

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  • Posted

    I knew I knew your name pretty much got it spot on with the story a free deatails where hazy I left a comment on don dons post unfortunately it went for moderation it probs won't come through for a few days

    We are different chris I've never been through any of the above how could I comprehend how you must feel

    Mike

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  • Posted

    What I'm saying Chris is that there's money to be made on everything even illnesses people wanting to understand things the saying don't believe everything you read springs to mind

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    • Posted

      I am human and a majority of humans physical and psychological traits are the same. The exception is those with true disorders. The propensity to getting cancer, for example, is not the same with everyone. The same with actual psychological disorders. Some people have actual clinical depression which includes things like bipolar disorder and manic depressive disorder. Others experience depressed moods based on situations. Two totally different things. One is an uncontrollable disorder that has little to do with situations, the other is not a disorder, it's just a temporary mood.

      Some people are forgetful, would you label them with Alzheimer's just because they forget things?

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    • Posted

      You know chris you just lost a lot of respect i had for you and your opinion why did you just say that's hurtful thing to don don about her poem what happened to you you used to represent the underdog go to war for people Chris etc you where a military man with honour now your just a sad manipulative bully

      Did that make you feel like a man to get that's last little dig in infact you even lack the conviction of your words Chris putting on some one else blaming somebody else for you making a comment you can tell justify

      That's distugusting I have no more intrest in talking with you

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    • Posted

      I am not interested in your respect or respect from anyone in an anonymous forum. You seem to want to ignore the facts I presented and then blame me because you don't like the facts. Never once have you addressed these facts except to say that they were part of some conspiracy to get people's money. You miss the bigger picture because you are too hung up on your emotional response. I'll spell it out one last time.

      The boy who cried wolf.

      The doctor sees 50 patients who claim to be suffering from depression but are actually just experiencing a depressed mood because their life sucks from bad decisions they made. They know they aren't clinically depressed but just want someone to vent to.

      The doctors 51st patient is actually suffering from clinical depression and needs to be treated with drugs and therapy. The doctor doesn't give the proper diagnosis because this patient sounds similar to the first 50 patients.

      Doctors aren't perfect but do you see where the problem lies in enabling all these unhappy people to legitimize their claim of suffering actual depression?

      Probably not since you refused to acknowledge any of the previous facts I have posted. I hope you never have kids

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