how do I feel better? or feel anything?

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Hi everyone..my name is terri. Im 21 one and just now became a member of this.. ive been feeling depressed for as long as I can remember, and I feel guilty for it. I have a roof over my head and I have a bed to sleep in. I should be grateful. I have a loving partner, (who doesnt know that im depressed because im worried it would change how he feels about me) and nice things but I am so unhappy. Every time I wake up it feels like a struggle to live another day. Everyone sees me as a happy go lucky, bubbly girl, but im miserable. I self harmed when I was 12 anf havent done since. But today I thought about doing it. And its hard to try to convince myself not to now. I want to feel happy. Or even anything otber than this. Am I just being negative and silly? Or does someone finally understand where I'm coming from??

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi terrijenette. I understand where you're coming from, as I used to feel guilty for having depression. I was about 20 when I first was put on anti depressants. I'm 42 now, and have been on and off medication ever since.

    Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel? Maybe that's the first step. You've identified your feelings, talking more about them could help. Also, cognitive behaviour therapy could be helpful too

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  • Posted

    Hi jaxie42.

    Thanks so much for replying..no I haven't spoken to my doctor, because I once tried counselling and what I was told by the counsellor was "I dont know what's wrong with you. Maybe just go to the doctor for tablets" and that made me completely shy away from professionals. I felt worse coming from that session than I had when I went I in so I have told anyone about it since...

    I may actual try cognitive behavioral therapy I hear it is meant to be quite good. I just don't want to feel broken and worthless anymore

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I think that you should try telling your partner about your past and your feelings now and hopefully he will understand. Mental health is not easy you cannot see it. So an explanation may help him understand your mood and you should feel supported.

    Good luck

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Richard thank you for your advice. I think you're probably right. I should probably speak to him about it. I just need to find the confidence to do so..

    thank you again.

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  • Posted

    I agree with Richard. Mental health issues aren't easy to talk about, but it will hopefully give your partner an insight.

    When I first met my husband, I was a mess. I was open with him about my depression from the start, because I figured that if he stuck around, he was a good man. Our first year together was the worst, but he got to know the real me. Eleven years later, he's still here. It hasn't always been easy, but if I'm feeling bad, I tell him. Just doing that helps me, knowing that he will listen to me, or just hug me if I need it. Hopefully your partner will be supportive, and that might start you feeling better

    Definitely give CBT a try. I found that it's given me good tools to use in every day life.

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  • Posted

    I think im gonna do it, because I would love to have the supportive bond with my partner that you have with your husband. I need to feel something and I also need to start trusting people. Im tired of feeling not good enough to have people stick around..

    thank you so much for your advise, its really comforting to know that people I understand and dont think im weird for feeling this way

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  • Posted

    Hi terrijenette. Just wondering how you're doing hun? xx
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